Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Dear Microsoft, this is how you get me to buy a Zune.

I don't have any facts or figures to hand, nor can i be bothered to Google them in the name of research, but I think it's a safe assumption that Microsoft's Zune doesn't sell quite as well as they had hoped. If you're not sure what a Zune is, then you're just proving me right.
Most would say that this is down to the overwhelming success of the iPhone/iPod touch. Personally, I think they fucked it all up when they changed my XBOX video library to a 'Zune library'. I never asked for it and now it takes an extra minute or so to load. These are minutes that I cannot afford to spare. However, there is a way to make this right, Microsoft, so do not despair just yet.

If you want me to buy a Zune, then there's only one thing that you have to do: make the Mass Effect 2 planet scanning mini-game an unlockable download with cross-platform compatibility. I'm serious. I want to be scanning when I'm bored on the bus, or taking a poo and then upload the resources into my main game. I need to be constantly productive on that game so that when I get to sit down in front of the XBOX, I can focus solely on being a biotic-upgrading badass, throwing mercs out of skyscraper windows and trying to nail Kelly Chambers. Lord, I could be a palladium baron if only given the chance, then she would definetly let me plow her. I could listen to Zapp and Roger whilst I did it. It would be beautiful.


This sort of thing is easily worth the £120 to me. Think I'm bluffing? Make it happen, I dare you. Planet scanning has turned me wrong. I think about it all the time. When I'm waiting for food to cook, or talking to people I don't like so much I just keep thinking that the time would be less wasted if I had planet scanning capabilities in the palm of my hand.

2 comments:

cr0nt said...

I'd buy one to do it.

Caffeine Powered said...

Scanning is dope the first time through. The second and third time? I want to kill myself.

If there was a way for me to send my save file to you, you could happily scan my shit too.

As far as probing Yeoman? Daps.

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