Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Dear Microsoft, this is how you get me to buy a Zune.

I don't have any facts or figures to hand, nor can i be bothered to Google them in the name of research, but I think it's a safe assumption that Microsoft's Zune doesn't sell quite as well as they had hoped. If you're not sure what a Zune is, then you're just proving me right.
Most would say that this is down to the overwhelming success of the iPhone/iPod touch. Personally, I think they fucked it all up when they changed my XBOX video library to a 'Zune library'. I never asked for it and now it takes an extra minute or so to load. These are minutes that I cannot afford to spare. However, there is a way to make this right, Microsoft, so do not despair just yet.

If you want me to buy a Zune, then there's only one thing that you have to do: make the Mass Effect 2 planet scanning mini-game an unlockable download with cross-platform compatibility. I'm serious. I want to be scanning when I'm bored on the bus, or taking a poo and then upload the resources into my main game. I need to be constantly productive on that game so that when I get to sit down in front of the XBOX, I can focus solely on being a biotic-upgrading badass, throwing mercs out of skyscraper windows and trying to nail Kelly Chambers. Lord, I could be a palladium baron if only given the chance, then she would definetly let me plow her. I could listen to Zapp and Roger whilst I did it. It would be beautiful.

This sort of thing is easily worth the £120 to me. Think I'm bluffing? Make it happen, I dare you. Planet scanning has turned me wrong. I think about it all the time. When I'm waiting for food to cook, or talking to people I don't like so much I just keep thinking that the time would be less wasted if I had planet scanning capabilities in the palm of my hand.


cr0nt said...

I'd buy one to do it.

Caffeine Powered said...

Scanning is dope the first time through. The second and third time? I want to kill myself.

If there was a way for me to send my save file to you, you could happily scan my shit too.

As far as probing Yeoman? Daps.


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