Monday, 22 March 2010

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Nathan Drake (Uncharted series)

Yawn. Old icons are old. There's a reason why we should only be concentrating on the here and now. It's called progress. Anything else is just hankering for childhood, and you don't want to be accused of that, do you, you big adult-nappy wearing fetish freak you? Thought not. So let's keep it in the here and now, and avoid all that Oedipal crap. And easily the coolest, nay, the best, character of this generation can be found in the swarthy features of one Nathan Drake.

Don't be fooled by all that "everyman" talk. He's not a normal guy at all. His grim satisfaction at snapping a neck followed by some lighthearted banter exposes the heart of a sociopath. And although his body shape could be rightly described as a little husky, he's still a skull-cracking alpha male with the face of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Everyman? Don't make me scoff.

No, instead his appeal lies in the fact he's just a little better than you. He's not the ridiculous manbeast like Marcus Fenix, but for us cheetos-scoffing basement dwellers, he resonates far more keenly than any steroid-induced lunk. He's the jock in school who had flings with French teachers, or the guy in the pub who can break up fights with a glance. Everyone adores him, and you either want to be him or be on him.

Okay, his far-flung travels reek of Indiana Jones, and adventures are a hodge-podge of a thousand different tales. But damnit, for sheer out and out awesome, you can't get better than the Drake. No other game character conveys cowardice and guts in one wise-cracking, whimpering package. Who needs martial arts when you can throw wild haymakers and brawl like a champ? Of course he's too good to be true, but he's right at the edge of believeability, and that's all you need to buy into his untucked t-shirt wearing, wryly grinning, stubbled shtick.

He's Gerard Butler. He's Han Solo. He's the MAN.


1 comment:

The Faux Bot said...

In case you check your comments, I just wanted to say that this piece makes me hard. Down there.


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