Sunday, 28 June 2009

200th post spectacular!

Bit of a misleading title there. Whilst this is indeed the 200th post, there is very little in the way of 'spectacular'. This does, however, give me the opportunity to be a bit reflective, which is by no means a bad thing. The fact that we're still doing this and that some people are still coming here means that this blog has potential. Potential for what I don't know exactly, greater things maybe, a wider audience, something that could in some way be deemed as success.

I'm rambling a bit, so I'll summarise. All readers, thank you, very, very much. All comments and your continued visits is what gives this a purpose. All contributors, you already know how much it means to me and I still stand by my 'job for life' mantra. We can make it happen.

Beyond getting all sentimental, I did have something in mind for this post, something which would be particularly relevant for us all right now. I Got Next is a documentary concerning the mentality of people involved in fighting game tournaments. Namely, Street Fighter ones. It features everyone's favourite fat-ass second placer Justin Wong and loads of people speaking with enormous amounts of self-importance. Excuse me for sounding so cynical, I'm just jealous because these guys get paid to be awesome at a game that I pay to suck at........go figure.

Trailer below, download link on the site.

The Faux Bot

Thursday, 25 June 2009

The Split-Screen Street Fighter IV Tournament: Round 3 - FIGHT!

Another round down, another 2 points lost by your truly. I really hope this trend doesn't continue. Anyway, check the table below to see how the competition is hotting up: Bojack and J Johnson duking it out for to spot right now, with Vandalworks sneaking in around the back thanks to a round against the Prof.

Hopefully this week's fights will stir things up even more, so without further ado, here are the matches for Round 3. Who will walk away a champion?

Bojack85 vs vandalworks


The Faux Bot vs J JOHNSON

Prof Membrain vs therightbullets

I'm practically shitting myself.

The Faux Bot

Dear Capcom: Let's be friends

Why do you visit this site? I can guess that your answer falls into one of two categories:

1. I bullied you into doing it.
2. You love to read my ridiculous sweeping generalisations and witness my frequent, over-opinionated U-turns.

Well friends, may I present you with a thorough lashing of the former.

I've taken just about every opportunity available to get across my point that I think the Japanese have totally fucked this generation up, in software terms at least. By that I mean that western developers seem to be consistently trumping them, no matter which console they develop for. One game- other than Street Fighter 4- may be the one that has me seeing the error of my ways; that game, is Lost Planet 2.

I was mildly interested in Lost Planet 2 when I heard of it's announcement, being a fan of the first and generally being a fan of any game that has robot suits. Looking at Lost Planet 2, it's unique art design, stunning dystopian environments and over sized bosses, I start to think that this is why people love developers like Capcom. In short, this is what Japanese developers SHOULD be doing.

The other feeling that I get from watching this footage, is that I remember being promised a game with such scale and intensity last year. That game was Gears of War 2. As fantastic a game as it is, Gears 2 only shows you it's sense of scale, never really immerses you in it. When you take down that huge boss, you're frozen behind a helicopter's turret, when there's a war going on, you're stuck on top of a moving platform called Betty.

My favourite part of Gears 2 was chainsawing that worm's arteries. All decorum aside: that shit was fucking rad! But I'm looking at the Lost Planet 2 boss footage, replete with it's semi-ironic glowing weak spots and thinking "you know what would be cooler? If I could hook that motherfucker in the eye, get on his back, like some proper Starship Troopers shit! WOOO!" ....ahem, sorry.

The other thing that bothered me about Gears 2 was it's 'story'. Those guys have emotions? I thought they were the ultimate badass space marine types. I guess they wanted 'depth'. Point is, most storytelling and game characters are rubbish and it often sullies a good time. Lost Planet 2 will probably have some story, but you're not a character, just an empty avatar.

I've got a whole series of things planned concerning the importance of character coming this week, so stay tuned if you want to chip in or just listen to me going on some more. More to the point though, it'll make it all the more clearer as to just why I think having an editable, non-specific avatar in Lost Planet 2's single player campaign is another one of it's major strengths.

To summarise: Lost Planet 2 = RAD and I've done another U-Turn.

The Faux Bot

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Toys are (not) for kids.

What do you do when you come in under your games budget? What in the name of Black Adder's codpiece are you going to spend all that extra money on? Surely not food? I don't know about you, but I've spent the best part of 25 years training my body to survive on cups of tea and sugar... not food. Not DVDs or Music all that stuff falls out of the TV or PC these days, so what? As you've guessed this long intro was a waste of both your time and mine as the answer is in the title. TOYS.

Is the street fighter tournament over for another week? Fully articulated figures can sustain you! Revoltech to the rescue again as their figures all have a guaranteed 4 million movable parts and you can mash them together recreating your most famous victories. Here are 2, a little over stylized in the faces possibly but badass nonetheless. Around $20 each.

If you've got a little (HA) more money to spend and are looking to hype yourself even further for Final Fantasy XIII by revisiting your old favorite characters a mere $300-$400 will get you a 54cm (1/4) Sephiroth. Made from cold cast resin, pvc, real fabric clothes, real leather belt and shoes, with many metal decals @_@. Oh, and only if you can find one in stock.

Alternatively, for less than a third of the Sephiroth price you could pre-order a 33cm PVC Cloud model. To be released towards the end of the year, looking as chiseled as usual in one of his signature poses the model is classic Cloud and a welcome addition to any collection.

Coming soon- Final Fantasy XIII toys. Hooray! Picture comes from Square Enix's figure project diary.


Thursday, 18 June 2009

The Split-Screen Street Fighter IV Tournament: Round 2- FIGHT!

Well, gentlemen, there you have it: Round 1 is over and what a thoroughly thrilling round it was. Absolutely no 2-1's! Just 2-0 beatings all round. Oh dear oh dear. Hearts have been broken, dreams shattered, but wills have also been strengthened, and other cliched battle terms.

Anyway, I digress. I want to present you with the league as it currently stands:

And the prizes for which you so valiantly battle:

Yes, they are trophies. They are yay high and have "SPLIT SCREEN STREET FIGHTER TOURNAMENT 2009" inscribed on the plaques. There will be a runner-up prize which is yet to be determined.

This also officially begins round 2, here are the current fixtures, you know the drill:

ULTIMATE GMX vs therightbullets
Prof Membrain vs Vandalworks
Bojack85 vs The Faux Bot

Have fun, fight well and dream of shiny, shiny trophies. I'd also like to take this opportunity to everyone for their help with this. JTRB for all his impeccable organisation and everyone for their continued support and enthusiasm. You all rock and are totally tubular.

The Faux Bot

Nerd's Toss-bag (Part 1)

And now for something completely different. The nerd's toss-bag is a strange and frankly frightening place that I would never delve too deeply into for fear of social persecution and mental breakdown. However, a peak into the open top of the bag shows the regulars that have been thrust upon all of us, therein lies part1.

Video game cosplay. Anyone who has ever put the words street fighter into a search engine has no doubt come across a slightly raunchy Cammy cosplay. Turns out the woman in question is Alisa Kiss and went from cosplayer here to well, soft porn, here.

This is nothing new, people will always want to look at women dressed up as their favorite female characters and scantily clad women will always be used to sell games, movies and everything else. But now apparently there are new game related ways for woman to provide cheap thrills.

The birth of the Wii changed the nerd's toss-bag forever as lad's favorite Nuts magazine illustrated with a whole series of virtually identical videos showing some nobody models bouncing around playing games topless. Here you go:

This spawned a series of 'real-life' copycats on youtube, guys filming their mostly ass-less girlfriends dancing around on the Wii Fit board, you've seen the kind of thing. This did graduate into some sort of sexy competition (see below) which seems like a pretty good idea. That said, being the kind of guy who likes to 'cover all the bases' with regards to posting on here, I took great care to check out but it seems to be faulty at the moment.

That's all for now folks, just scratching the surface. Feel free to contribute to this feature that's what the comment section is for. Ideally I'd like a whole post in future made up by reader contributed fan favorites. Also, if you want random girls draped in consoles and game pads just use Google they're two-a-penny.

Just for kicks, the Game trailers user profile that provided the topless Wii video had this as his(I'm guessing) profile picture:


Tuesday, 16 June 2009

The Split-Screen Comic: Issue 1- Metal Gear Boner

Click to enbiggen.


The Faux Bot

Sunday, 14 June 2009

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 2: (Part 1) Peter's Peado Simulator

Despite some technical issues (misplaced files to be more accurate) I hereby proudly present you with the second episode of our humble podcast. Like all good sequels, this has double the everything; twice the length, twice the amount of parts, twice the amount of time spent off-topic and twice the amount of ginger beer.

This episode also features some lovely listener participation for you all. Listen closely and enter our on-the-fly competitions, so we can happily say "A Winner is You!". Also, prizes.

What are you waiting for?



Wish I could take credit for the pic.

The Faux Bot

Friday, 12 June 2009


Alright, here it is: this post officially kicks off the very first, and massively delayed (sorry) OFFICIAL SPLIT-SCREEN STREET FIGHTER IV TOURNAMENT! Wow, can you believe it? Such wonder and excitement, right?

All the fixtures and results will be posted here as they come in, so if you haven't bookmarked us yet - do it now! Go on, I'll wait. The tournament is essentially a league, with a point being attributed to each round that you win.

The Rules:

- No bitching about d-pads/controller issues. It's not cool.
- No Akuma, Gouken or Seth. Screw what the tier system says: these guys are out-and-out fuckers.
- We can't stop being cheap or overcome any issues with lag. The game is what it is and how you exploit it is up to you. But please, try and be sporting and any issues will be treated seriously and be properly considered, just message me if you have any that can't be sorted out between yourselves.

The prizes:

Realising that I am broke and have had plenty of trouble getting hold of my intended prizes, there's going to be a bit of a change. I'm thinking perhaps some medals or cups and then keep the Akuma figure and other costly prizes for another time. Ideally, the next ones would involve a small entry fee to cover any prizes. You'll be getting something cool, if not toys, then trophies, just sit tight and it'll get announced properly near the end of the tournament.

That's it! The listings are below. All competitors will be receiving XBOX Live messages detailing their fixtures. Keep watch for constant updates and come show your support by trash talking and cheering in the comments section.


J JOHNSON vs Justtherightbullets
Bojack85 vs Prof Membrain
ULTIMATE GMX vs Vandalworks
The Faux Bot vs NaFunk

Click the image for more details

The Faux Bot