Sunday, 22 July 2007

Crackdown & it's downloadable content - JustTheRightBullets reconsiders

I’ve been playing this game for a month or so now, and its good, it really is- what’s not to like? Run around, jump like the Hulk, blow shit up, throw civilians off bridges, heat seeking missiles and so on. If it were a movie it wouldn’t quite be ‘fun for all the family’ although it might sneak in as ‘a good adult romp’ (Note: having just checked the game is rated 15, apparently grenading human corpses into walls and cars is fine if its ‘cartoon violence’). I like the attribute leveling system and I even like the orb finding…for now in any case, I accept that my lack of patience with games and the sleep deprivation aided rage that I live with on a daily basis will make me retract this statement at some point. But hey, its all fun.

I do however have a gripe with the downloadable content. For 800 Microsoft points (2100 points retail for 16.99 from you can get various extras (vehicles, races, weapons) to enhance the game and 250 extra possible achievement points. After paying for the game in the first place shouldn’t all this extra content have been included or at least available for free? Where is the reward for the time investment in their game? Don’t show me the new aspects you’ve added then charge me for it. As was pointed out to me earlier by the Faux-Bot no less, for 800 points you can get a full classic game from Xbox marketplace.

Perhaps its not that bad in reality, if you don’t want to pay you don’t have to- its not like they remind you at every step what you’re missing out on. Oh wait, yes they fucking do. With a free patch that was very good by itself, came some features in-game (race markers among others) that you can now see while playing but when approached told the content must be purchased. Cheeky bastards, its like they’ve invaded my game and they’re trying to wear me down. Well guess what, its August 1942, I’m Russia and this is my Stalingrad- I’m not going to cave in and you can try all you like.


N.B. Since originally writing this I have experienced rage and frustration regarding the orb finding. How insightful I was in predicting this...

Thursday, 19 July 2007

Halo 3 No Online Co-op??? Someone is gonna cut Bungie's Cord

Rumours have been circling in the gaming community that Halo 3 will not feature an online co-op, if this rumour turns out to be true i may actually question my decision on purchasing the game. I mean come people this is "next-gen", if i wanted to play a game splitscreen i would buy a last generation console. Gears pulled it off last year why can't Bungie sort their act out this year, I want the ability to play games with my mates without having to invite them to my house and play a game on 50% of my TV, I want to play my games co-op online sat in my pants in the privacy of my room, don't tease me with a Beta then don't deliver on the goods in other places. If you don't stick in online co-op I for one will be waiting til your game is cheaper than £20 before I buy it, you gimmie half a product and I will give you half the money. I think that's only fair you tits!!!!. Now I'm off to play some Rainbow 6 cos that DOES have Co-op.


Impending Explosion

Drastic title, no? But seriously.....

Part of the reason for this Blog is that it helps me curb my enthusiasm, it gives me an outlet to direct all my game-based excitement and frustration. It would appear that this time of year is particularly instrumental in perpetuating such behaviour. In the simplest terms; there are no games for me to play! I have just finished University and I'm currently unemployed, surely I should be taking advantage of this time by indulging in some sort of game extravaganza of the proportions i experienced when i first got my XBOX 360 for Christmas 2006. I would play ALL DAY, and I was glad of it.

The last game I bought was Crackdown and thanks to some surprisingly enjoyable achievements, it lasted me a very long time. But a man, as they say, cannot live on Crackdown alone. The Darkness, which I thankfully borrowed from the delightful Bojack, took me a matter of days to finish and the absolutely fuck-awful Multiplayer has turned me off completely. In short, I would describe The Darkness as the gaming equivalent of a Hot Mental. To translate; a hot girl that turns out to be a complete fucking loon; you'll go back to her cos she's hot, but you'll regret it every time because she, for example, makes you dress up as a huge baby and you can;t get laid until you've soiled yourself. The point is, it's great fun, but I wouldn't go back if I had something better to do.

I am almost literally frothing at the mouth in anticipation of a new game to get stuck into. Thankfully, there are some outstanding titles on the horizon, but they're all crammed into the last weeks of August. Then the pre-Christmas run-up begins and I'm overwhelmed with choice. The end of August sees the release of Bioshock, Blue Dragon and hopefully, EA's Skate. All three of these games, if my memory serves me correctly, got into my top 5 most anticipated. Couldn't they have spread them out a little? Months of nothing, then BAM! Right in the kisser! Games-overload and the difficult decision of which to buy first. Sure I'm unemployed, but I know how to budget, and I'm gonna do so effectively for the promise of some much-anticipated digital distraction.

No doubt, if you keep reading, you'll see how this all pans out, the smart money's on me prioritising for Skate, but the others aren't out of the race yet. TheRightBullets is taking bets, so drop him a line. Bojack is the enforcer, because he's broken legs before and has a real car. Come on August, hurry the fuck up............

On with the reading for now.........

The Faux-Bot

Sunday, 15 July 2007


So, to clarify, this ongoing segment is dedicated to those among us with Gamer Rage, or more specifically, those whose rage is manifested through the throwing of the pad. When a Gamer forcefully ejects the pad from their hands, they are not thinking logically. Their tolerance snaps and, the first thing to hand, the pad in this case, receives severe and unjustified punishment.

For this first edition of Padthrowers Anonymous, I wish to provide a cautionary tale, in the hope that other, more fortunate, padthrowers out there will see the error of their ways and the potential disaster that lies ahead.

Padthrowing, for numerous reasons, is retarded. It makes no sense. How could it be the pad's fault that some motherfucker chainsaws you? Logically, they probably have a faster connection than you, or you aren't at your sharpest so should probably call it a day. However, as I mentioned before, logic does not enter into the mind of the padthrower. The enraged gamer will be convinced that higher powers are at work here, that somehow, someone, somewhere is purposely trying to fuck you over, to hurt you and push you over the edge. The thought process is short and irrational and just as you see your beloved Marcus Fenix get cut in half, the pad leaves your hands and travels with great speed and unexplained precision towards the hardest surface available. The battery pack leaps out of the sinking ship and your television, as if screaming at you for being such an idiot, demands that you PLEASE RECONNECT THE CONTROLLER!! "I CAN'T RECONNECT THE FUCKING THING! DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BACK HALF IS! FUCK!!!!"

So where are you now? Left with a destroyed £30 piece of equipment, a dangerously high blood pressure and some little turd screaming through your TV speakers about how he "PWNED U LIKE A N00B!" This isn't good. Now you're even worse because you're angry at yourself. But it will keep happening. So wake up. If you suck, switch off. It is the only way for your pad to survive.

Whether you can sympathise or not. When put in text, the thought process and the actions of the pad thrower are completely illogical. I can only hope that your pads are saved from the same fate as mine.

With that said though, if you are a padthrower, please share your experiences with us. We are here for you. You are amongst friends. Discretion assured.

The Faux-Bot

Friday, 13 July 2007

Call of Stupidity: A Faux Bot Rant

"everyone right now is demanding sandbox gameplay and total destructibility. We personally don't think that it's that fun, I mean, 'go anywhere! Do anything!' That's just - I think it's a buzzword, it's a badge, it's a bullet-point option… And total destructibility, you can really ruin the gameplay. There's so many spectacular moments that you have when you funnel the action into certain corridors… So I think right now it's a fad, and the fad will pass, we're not going to be bite on in it - we want the game to be fun first, and destructibility comes second."
Taken from http://www,

What the fuck is this douchebag talking about? These aren’t trends, or "buzz-words", they’re evolutions. As a gamer, I don’t like to be told what to do, in fact does anyone? I’ve heard this argument time and time again; that total freedom detracts from the intended fun. So What? If the gamer wants to dismiss the story, or the intended narrative, big deal, they already bought the game and are no doubt content with making their own experience. I found Call of Duty 3 an absolute chore to play. As a showboating game, it is fantastic, the events all seem so unscripted and spontaneous, and on first play I felt a genuine rush and sense of excitement. But on the second and third plays, I felt restricted, pulled along fixed train tracks with Nazis waiting to spring me at designated intervals. In short, I found Call of Duty 3 to be painfully linear, so in my opinion, for the next outing they should be doing everything to combat this feeling.

That said, I can understand C.O.D’s developers wanting to not follow trends, if all developers just copied successful ideas, well then we’d all be playing the bastard children of the bastard child that is Saint’s Row. Not a healthy world. But come on, don’t ignore an important element of so many contemporary games, just because you think you know better. Surely it’s the gamers who know what they want. I don’t want to shell out 40 quid for another glorified ghost train. I’m not looking forward to all the potential patriotism either. You play as American forces……………….in the middle east……………it’s probably not going to be all that balanced. I’m sick of all that shit in the news, why did you have to let it invade the games world too? Luckily for this all-knowing douchebag developer, the game will probably get swept up in a politically correct shitstorm and the fact that you can’t blow up walls will be forgotten.

So anyway, back to taking down that guy. Yeah, that’s right mate, Sandbox is a total fad. Tell that to Rockstar. Grand Theft Auto- what a fad game, bloody rubbish (sarcasmmmmmmm). You make your fun funnel. I won’t be buying it. You tit.

Bollock Box:

The Faux Bot

Bojack: For The Love of Guardian Heroes

Released On the Sega Saturn in 1996 and devolped by Treasure, Guardian Heroes still stands the test of time and remains one of the most enjoyable gaming experiences I have ever had and believe me when I say there aren't many of those experiences.

Some of you may remember a rare coin-up classic by the name of Gunstar Heroes (also developed by Tresure), well what we have here with Guardian Heroes is a tried and tested formula by Treasure of taking a boring and dated genre of game and breathing new life into it for a new generation of gamers. What the developers did was to take the now old and basic gameplay element of Gunstar Heroes and add new elements such as anime styled graphics, combos, magic, a rpg based character upgrade system, a six player multiplayer arena mode which could of been a game in itself, and last but not least the 50+ ways to play the game through the "choice of path system" which could unravel 7 different yet still unique storylines. The story of course is quite typical by todays standards, man gets magic sword, man and friends must rescue princess and free the opressed city and its townsfolk whilst kicking seven shades of shit out of any thing that moves on your quest to do so, which may sounds like it could get quite boring quite quickly but thanks to the brillaint gameplay and accessable controls Treasure have overcame that problem.

Starting off with the graphics Guardian Heroes posesses some of the most detailed and smooth character animations seen in a 2D game aswell as georgoues backdrops and excellent spell and fighting effects. What most impressed me about the graphics was how much was happening on the screen without a drop in framrate, u could easily be fighting off 20 to 30 enemies and not experience any slow down. My only problem with the graphics was the pixelization of some of the characters and enviroments when the camera would zoom in close on the action but in all due respect i see alot worse on some games 11 years later. Next up are the controls and this is where the game took a different stance on other 2D scrolling games, gamers could pull of combinations of attacks and magic that could rusult in a triple figure combo, this could allow novices of the game to find the combat accessible from the off start but could also reward those gamers willing to master the moves for the 50+ playable characters. And the mulit-layered enviroments allowed for dodging enemy attacks allowing for different ways to approach battlles. My only gripe with the game i found was the sound. All the fighting and character effects where executed fine but i have a slight hatred for the music used in these sort of games, luckily i didnt find it too distracting from the game.

All the new elements Tresure worked into Guardian Heroes resulted in an enjoyable and fulfilling gaming experience from start to finish, the main quest is a fairly decent length not to add to the fact that there are over 50 ways you will need to play the game to unlock the 50+ characters which gives this game excellent replay value, you could find urself spending nearly a 100 hours on this game and not realise it. There is also the six player Arena Mode for you and your friends to duke it out on, in an age where online gaming was non existant in home consoles this sort of multiplayer action was as good as it gets. Treasure managed to deliver on all fronts with Guardian Heroes and created a game thats is a blast to play from start to finish for any gamer young or old.

Guardian Heroes will always remain a timeless classic to me and not many games will give me the good memories i had with friends, family, and even myself while i played this game. All we need now is to get this game released on Xbox Live and show the gamers of today what they were missing. Pull your fingers out Microsoft you got a money maker here.


JustTheRightBullets: A Life in Videogames

It wasn’t until December last year (2006) that I came in from the wilderness and rejoined the ranks of console owners with the XBOX 360. It must be said I sat on the sidelines for quite a few years, completely missing the PS2/XBOX generation after my beloved N64 phase, keeping up with a few choice titles, predominantly GTA Vice City & San Andreas via my PC and Final Fantasy VII among others on a borrowed Playstation. Come to think of it I was quite a late starter as far as games consoles go in the first place, with the Sega Mega Drive being my first.

Games have certainly come a long way during my life so far; trying to get one up on each other in the sprawling maps of Gears of War over the incredible and frankly revolutionary XBOX Live system, rather than seeing who could consistently finish the first act of Sonic the Hedgehog in 30seconds or less… I would argue that both pursuits were equally as fun although they’re a bit different graphically, especially since now my Mega Drive only seems to want to play games in a grainy black and white for some reason.

To be honest I’m not sure why more people don’t own games consoles these days, especially given the utter shit that seems to be passing for television. My television license hardly seems worth the 3 or 4 programs I watch regularly. As for reality TV that is the inescapable force at present, if I actually ever wanted to face reality I’d tear myself away from the TV screens and PC monitors and go outside and interact with people- as opposed to watching an edited version of reality on the box.

"You there, jerk, go and buy a 360! At least then you’ve accepted the fact you’ve no grasp on reality instead of kidding yourself nodding along to channel 4s reality farm." That’s progress.



I'm a man of little patience. Amongst those who know me, I am notorious for my short attention span and my inability to 'see things through 'til the end'. However, there have been certain games that challenge this character trait (flaw, even) most of which make my top five. I am of course referring to those extra special games that warranted multiple replays. There is one game in particular that I have always felt a special connection with - IO Interactive's Freedom Fighters. It wasn't the most popular game, so I made damn sure to push it to every willing soul that I could find. Freedom Fighters often came up in my 'forgotten classics' or 'underrated gems' conversations and I simply assumed that it would forever remain only in those forms. However, it would seem that the announcement of IO's latest game; Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, has brought the Freedom Fighters fans out of the woodwork, due to the games' shared team gameplay mechanics. The simplicity of the team controls, placed solely on the face buttons of your pad, made Freedom Fighters a joy to play, one that was greatly assisted by a tongue-in-cheek parody of the US/UK War On Terror and invasion of the Middle East.

From what we've been shown so far, It would seem that little has changed as far as the gameplay is concerned, if you look closely you can even see that IO have retained the same Icons that appear above teammates' heads, indicating what order they are currently undertaking. Needless to say, I have been very excited about Kane & Lynch for some time now, for reasons that run much deeper than it just reminds me of Freedom Fighters. The very first thing that struck me about K&L was it's aesthetic. Very few games manage to put forward a distinct style without the use of unique graphics, much in the same way that Jet Set Radio's impact was greatly assisted by its cel-shaded goodness. There have been many comparisons made between K&L and Michael Mann's movies, namely Collateral and Heat. Mann is easily one of my favourite Directors, for too many reasons to list here. But to sum him up, I would simply say that he infuses action with a little bit of class. His direction is reserved, yet dynamic, stylish, yet realistic and exhilarating without being overwhelming. From the in-game footage, it's visible that Kane & Lynch takes its cues from Mann, giving action that little bit of class that makes it more than your average tactical shooter. Kane & Lynch promises to combine arcade-like, dynamic gameplay with a slightly gritty aesthetic and engaging storyline that raises it above so many of its peers. I'm not proclaiming it to be the next Gears Of War, not for the masses anyway, but personally, this seems like a game I have always been waiting for.

With the Hitman series also under their belt, IO do not make a habit of disappointing the gaming public. The two title characters bring with them the promise of varied gameplay, giving a distinctively different experience depending on which of the two you get saddled with. Lynch will only be playable through co-op, but his medicated psychopath character should deliver a more frantic and unpredictable style in which to tackle the missions. His mood swings and uncontrollable behaviour should place an added challenge into the player's hands. Certain details seems less than concrete at the moment, with the publishers keeping quiet about multiplayer. What I am hoping for is online co-op, because to my horror, not so long ago I remember reading a developer interview that suggested that co-op would be offline only. This seems to dumb to be true though, so I'm going to stay optimistic. We can look forward to Kane & Lynch being released this Winter, on XBOX 360, PS3 and 'high-end' PC's. As always, check Gametrailers for some amazing in-game footage ( and a pretty standard interview, which is basically just some guy from Eidos reciting the Press Kit(

I call Lynch.

Also worth checking out is a brilliant K&L fansite which has doen nothing but moisten me for months on end. (

The Faux-Bot

Welcome to the digital schlong! (Splitscreen)

Greetings friend, you have stumbled across your wildest fantasy! Yes! You never thought it would happen, but this very blog will be the answer to all your prayers! Not convinced? Fuck. Cool name though, right? It's a blog about Games n' shit. Read on!
We're going to be posting our loves, our hates and the spew out of our mind-pipes. Just make sure you're here to catch the magnificent debris in a knowledge tank.
We, as in us, as in the people who are typing the words that you are reading- with your brain, are:

The Faux Bot (Me)



Profiles and pin-up pics coming soon ladies! WOOOOSUPERHOTTTBUFF.

The Faux Bot