Thursday, 11 December 2008

It's official: Fallout 3 is amazing.

It's come to my attention over the past couple of months that Fallout 3 just isn't for everyone. It's very much a game that you "get" or don't. Like a good Cronenberg movie, it asks a lot of it's audience, naturally, this divides the lovers and the haters. When people dislike the anything for which I have a particular fondness, I get very self-conscious and start to doubt my own opinion. Perhaps I am the one who doesn't "get it" and have been duped into enjoying myself. I always talk myself round, but today I was given an extra little boost.

• This week Charlie's dismal life continued its sorry descent as he spent the only spare minutes he had obsessively playing Fallout 3, an intensely dispiriting videogame in which you stagger around in a post-apocalyptic wasteland scrabbling for bits of metal and eating radioactive iguana meat in a desperate bid to survive: "What's worrying is that that's my idea of fun right now."

Fallout 3 is officially amazing because the heroic polymath that is Charlie Brooker is as obsessed with it as I am. Can you believe it!? I feel so, so.....validated! Brooker is responsible for Dead Set, Nathan Barley, TV go home and the best articles The Guardian has to offer, amongst several other works of genius. It's fair to say that I generally rate him and take his word as some sort of gospel. Oh shit, now I just realised where the whole "preacherman" concept came from. Ok, forget that then, Charlie Brooker is an absolute cunt.



I'm not making this up! (click)

The Faux Bot

Monday, 8 December 2008

Balance is restored

I've often noticed that PS3 owners carry a certain air of smugness with them. This is by no means a bad thing and it is very much a right that they have earned. This is derived from the fact that they do not have to contend with XBOX Live. Whilst it may be a great service (and one that I begrudgingly pay for) it is full of homophobes, pricks and crotchweasels that make online gaming a chore. You know the ones; those who call everyone 'faggots', those who spend the first weeks of a games' release studying the multiplayer maps so that by the time you get around to playing it, all fun has been removed and you are at the will of the 'Lords of Spawn Point Camping'. These same little turds are also the kind that spill their techno-jizz every time a screen name hints at being a girl, threaten your missus over Uno and have names like Xxx!Hawtymcheartbreak001!xxX. These fucks give XBOX Live a bad name and afford PS3 owners the right to be smug. You can't defend them.

I took satisfaction this morning when I found this video that, to me, levels the playing field somewhat. What you will see below is a '6-way gang-bang' conducted through Sony's equivalent to Chinese Democracy - Home. Actions speak louder than words my friends. The idiocy is spreading.



The Faux Bot

Thursday, 4 December 2008

SUBTLY GREAT MOMENTS IN GAMING #84: THE PERFECT SET, GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR

It's four hours in, and you've done all this before. Years spent clacking your way through the colour patterns of GH1, days spent screaming as your fingers seem to pass through each other on Fall Of Troy's F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X, weeks with your head in your hands wondering why you can't get the hang of upward strumming.

By the time the Rock Band versus Guitar Hero slugfest has begun, you've become jaded. You don't sit there trying to best a new song any more, because it's not fun to fail. Why practice Knights of Cydonia when I can clack my way through Gallows genuinely getting amped up?

So you've booted up the latest GH as a last throw of the dice. The new guitar glistens in your hand, promising much with its plasticy curves. You crack open a bottle of beer, and hope you can blame it for what is essentially an expensive game of Simon says.

And then it happens. Inch by inch, it starts to take you over. The new set structure kicks RB's into next week. Each gig actually feels like a set performance, full of rushing highs and crashing lows. The movement on the stage as your eye darts around on the quiet bit actually feels like your favourite concert.

And the perfect set comes along. It kicks off with a favourite, something you couldn't wait to play the moment you opened that box. The grin on your face hides the easy bits, and pushes you through the hard. Then the metal kicks in for song two, and your adrenaline spikes as you crash your way through it. Solos punish and mock you, and the slow dribble of that needle into the red sets your teeth on edge, licking up any bit of star power like honey.
Then the slow classic begins. Something from the 70's swirls its way through the speaker, and you realise why your parents were blessed. That moment where GH actually shows you why a song was great, rather than reduce it to its clacky beat parts. Your fingers ache as they rest, then seize as the secret complexities of simple favourites rears its head.
Then the celebrity appears, and you flip out. You're in the moment now, and it's like they've pushed through the crowd just to see if you can hang with them. Their song is an epic, and you want to show what you can do. The difficulty is gone as you ride the perfect score, and there's nothing stopping you.

And then the encore. This is the killer moment. If it's a dud (and it rarely is) the moment is gone. You click through it, waiting to see if you can unlock the Tool set yet. But if it's not....you almost go "YEAAAAH!". Seriously, with no irony.

Admittedly this was slightly less eloquent than I would like it to be, but I can't describe how it happened. It just did.



Paperboy

Monday, 24 November 2008

Ssshh, PS3 price drop.

Alright, so it may just be 'rumours and speculation' but with this coming from 2 sources and with Destructoid chipping in to give it some extra weight, I'm willing to believe. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking, but I've been mulling over the prospect of getting a ps3 for some time now. The one thing that it always comes down to is the price. The lack of games, or at least ones that I can't already get for my xbox, definitely contributes, but my cheapness always prevails. Essentially, I would be paying £300 just to play Littlebigplanet. As much as I want it, it's never going to justify that kind of price tag, especially after the way they've been handling this whole user-generated content debacle. See here!

The fact that a price drop would coincide with the release of Killzone 2 is more than logical and it's surely about time that Sony stopped deluding themselves and realised that they don't run this generation. It's Nintendo's pie now, and Microsoft's price drops help them edge ever-closer to the table, Sony would be wise to follow suit.

http://www.destructoid.com/sony-not-commenting-on-ps3-price-drop-rumors-for-next-year-112524.phtml


The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Cliffy B's custom tub girl faceplate.

When Cliff Blesinski, lead designer of gun-boner fest Gears of War jokingly asks you to make him a custom tub girl faceplate, who wouldn't rise to the challenge? I wouldn't have the first clue of how to go about making such a thing, but if that man asked me to do it, I'd try my hardest to please. That guy put a chainsaw on the end of a gun. I'd let him sleep with my first born daughter for that. When she is age appropriate of course, geez.

Spaceghost2K is just the man you should call on when you need an overly elaborate faceplate designed. He rose to the challenge, with gusto may I add. If you aren't familiar with Tubgirl, just Google it, we don't need that sort of thing on here. I'll happily show you the faceplate though:

For more of Spaceghost's custom plates, check here: http://forum.teamxbox.com/showthread.php?t=529128

dibs on the Lupin 3rd one.

The Faux Bot

Thursday, 6 November 2008

*The Faux Bot sheepishly creeps back into the room- he presents you with a gift!*

Look, I don't have to explain myself to you. So, I haven't posted for some time. Big woop, wannafightaboudit?

Have this: Kaneda's bike (of Akira fame) lovingly re-created in Littlebigplanet. God I hate that game for being so loveable. Hold onto your hats kids, my inevitable Fallout 3 piece is in the works. For now though, courage.




The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Uh, yeah. Zombies and ladies.

I often feel personally responsible for lowering the tone, whether I'm out with friends, or posting here, so imagine my delight when I came across this...



The footage is from the Wii but it looks like some form of the game will appear for the 360 early next year. Goodnight Gears of War 2, I'm saving my money. Also its worth noting that the Oneechanbara franchise is well established in Japan and there is a live action movie. To the torrents!

EDIT: The 360 version is called Oneechanbara Vortex. Here is a trailer.


Justtherightbullets

Thursday, 9 October 2008

I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion, I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion, I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion,I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion,I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion

Fair play to the art designers over at Rare, because they have it in spades. Imagination, that is. When I first saw this video, I was rather perplexed. I couldn't quite work out why anybody would want to show a video that just has the camera sweeping through the pre-rendered environment. Then it struck me.



The game looks downright stunning, and if I had produced something that unique and drool-worthy, then I'd probably post a video showing it off aswell. Rare: you continue to impress me. Kudos. It's games like this that make me realise just how dull World At War is going to be. Beige, guys, grey guns. *yawn*

Enjoy that splash of technicolour brilliance, then break your mind with this. I couldn't find the Wonder Showzen clip that the title refers to, but I did find something that might be a perfect representation of what kind of show it is:



The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

The princess is in another castle....oh, you want to go there? That'll be a tenner mate.

Surely it's not just me that thinks this whole DLC thing is getting a little out of hand. I'm all for it, or at least I would be if I could cite any good examples of it. Whenever someone mentions the term, all I can think about is how Namco Bandai use it to describe the unlock keys you pay for in their games. Beautiful Katamari and Soul Calibur 4 have a load of DLC available, all of it criminaly overpriced. The worst part is that the so-called downloadable content is already on the disc(s), Scamco simply charges you for the privilege of unlocking it. If that isn't criminal, then I don't know what is, robbing a bank or something, presumably.

One poor young man decided to take issue with Capcom pulling a similar stunt, by charging for an unlockable difficulty level for Mega Man 9. This is another horribly shitty business practice and the kid, albeit foolishly, tried to rage against the machine. Destructoid have been less than kind to him, which is a shame. Jim Sterling cites the best way to fight it is just simply to 'not buy it'. But when you know they simply carved off a chunk of the game that already existed and then tried to sell it to you as a separate product, you may get a tad frustrated.

Let's face it, the kid may be dumb and yes, perhaps sound a little 'whiny' but Capcom are the real fuckers here. Way to shaft your fans guys. Online co-op in Resi 5 to cost an extra fiver? Probably.


The Faux Bot

source:
Destructoid

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Geoff The Hero

For those of you who aren't aware of him Geoff Mendicino is the hero to whom I am referring and he just happens to be one of the funniest guys on the Internet. He is the proprietor of Freezecracker.com and its truly fantastic webshow - The Gameboys- which is responsible for gems such as Phoenix Wright talking to hobos and the worst reviews ever committed to video.

Perhaps my favourite thing about him though is his unique ability to turn team killing into an art form. Already banned from Call of Duty 4 and no doubt working his way to achieving the same status on Gears of War, Geoff is truly a hero for our time. I love to hear the hardcore players going apeshit. Serves them right for taking the game so seriously. I've kindly posted his Gears team killing video (no need to thank me) so turn the sound up and then go and explore the Freezecracker Youtube channel.



The Faux Bot

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Potential headcrab infestation begins today

As some of you may know, an experiment is being conducted today. It's received a fair bit of media coverage and has something to do with protons, photons and other types of 'tons, not to mention recreating the Big Bang etc.

That awfully constructed sentence should show that I have absolutely no interest in current events and talking about them makes me seem foolish and uninformed. This is true, but it is a badge that I wear with pride as I am sure that if I began paying attention to the world, then my happy-go-lucky demeanour would be forever lost. The world as viewed through the eyes of the news is a depressing one, and one that I'd rather not participate in.

The other day, said experiment was brought to my attention. As I was told the details, I instantly assumed that I was being 'had' and blurted out 'That's the plot from Half-Life!" Duuuuuuuhhhhhhh. I later found out that this was not the case. I am now very excited to report that I was not the only one to assume that a portal to another dimension would be created and that our laboratories would soon be overrun with pesky headcrabs.

Thankfully, it seems that another Half-Life fan has taken action in order to help prevent such impeding doom. He has sent the scientists a crowbar. Genius.


http://www.ripten.com/2008/08/05/reddit-may-just-have-saved-us-all-buys-a-crowbar-for-cerns-large-hadron-collider/#more-6479

http://www.destructoid.com/crowbar-finally-shipped-to-prevent-humanity-s-destruction-103120.phtml

The Faux Bot

Monday, 1 September 2008

Gold whores - REPENT!

In my humble opinion there are three distinct groups of people who ponied up the 800 Microsoft Monopoly Points for the Arcade release of Fable 2's Pub Games; those who heard about the ludicrously generous glitch, those who had free points lying around and lastly, those people who are just morons.

More than likely, it is the gold-whore glitch exploiting little shitters that inhabit group one who happen to make up the biggest part of the game's ownership. I for one can't blame them. Whilst I feel that making life a little too easy for yourself in the world of Fable 2 will quite simply make the game utterly redundant, I am not above a little whoring myself, amassing around a million gold thanks to the glitch. I have now consciously stopped 'glitching' -to employ a COD4/GOW term- a decision that has been aided greatly by the release of the equally glitchy Castle Crashers. Sadly, Castle Crashers' glitches are hardly worth exploiting, unless there's something to be gained from constantly getting disconnected during co-op sessions and ridiculous amounts of lag during ranked matches. But, I digress....

Whilst it's far from concrete, rumour and rumblings suggest that there may be repercussions to exploiting the glitch. Technically, it's cheating and with Fable 2's emphasis on corruption and purity, and Lionhead's reluctance to release a patch, it would certainly seem that they are cooking up some sort of punishment for us. I may seriously reconsider transferring my gold, or I could just play it as a right evil bastard, only time will tell. Anyway, check the story on Kotaku just so you know that I'm not making it all up.

See you in Albion. The Faux Bot promises not to kill your wife.

*heh*

The Faux Bot

Monday, 25 August 2008

Yes, but the real question is: Does Mark Hamill do the voice for him?

I don't know if I've ever confessed it on here before, but frankly, I'm shit at beat-em-ups. Absolute rubbish. The reason? A complete lack of manual dexterity and an attention span that a 6 year old ADD sufferer could put to shame. I learn a handful of easily executable moves, flog them to death and consequently, crumple like so many paper cups when faced with any sort of genuine competition.

The problem is that I also love a good brawler. The magnificent Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 will always be in my top 10 and I have the softest of soft spots for Soul Calibur's Seigfried (he's so dreamy, also, big sword). So, I routinely punish myself, by playing these games but constantly lack the patience or dedication to unlock their full potential and actually get anywhere with them. Luckily, the Mortal Kombat series never really posed such a problem to me. I always thought the character design was shit, and the fatalities (by far the series' strong point) were too difficult for me to either remember or master. Now it's all change.They had to go and throw a spanner in my works.....

Watch to the end of the video for one of the coolest fatalities ever.



The Faux Bot

Friday, 22 August 2008

Just incase you didn't know....

fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap...........................................fap

The Faux Bot

Hype Pipe: Dead Space


Unfortunately for the team behind Dead Space theirs is a game that, for most, will never be more than the sum of its parts. Just one minute of gameplay footage makes it very clear that Dead Space is a game that wears its influences on its sleeve. But, when those influences happen to be Alien, The Thing, Event Horizon and Resident Evil 4, is that really so bad after all?

If you subscribe to the modernist doctrine of constant invention and innovation, then Dead Space is a game that will surely disappoint. However, if you're an oh-so-cool postmodern cat like myself and you enjoy such reinterpretation, then get prepared to cack your knickers.

What impresses me the most about Dead Space is that whilst it can't escape what it owes to stories, settings and mechanics that we've already seen, it still strives to prove itself. Clearly, this is one original IP that EA are not happy to simply push out into the big, bad world and leave to fend for itself. EA have taken care of this baby, providing the little blighter with its very own animated film and comic book. Not many newly acquired IP's can boast such treatment, and even fewer endeavour to make such things more than just promotional tools. The comic and animated film both take the form of prequels that tell the story of just how things got quite so deranged and for the time being, are doing a perfect job of setting up a smart, self-contained mythology.


What I've seen of the animation is hardly anything to write home about, but thankfully it is surpassed by the quality of the comic, which itself is animated and can be found on Gametrailers.com or the console network of your choice. The distinctive art style of Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night) is a considered and informed choice and just goes to show quite how seriously EA are taking it. Whether you like it or not, you can't knock them for effort. More cue-taking can be seen in the Bioshock-esque advertising and safety posters that can be seen around the game's setting: The Ishimura, a 'planet cracking' mining ship. Whilst they lack the flair or depth of Bioshock's art design, I still applaud them for trying and for realising that every element in a scene should be considered.


Whether it'll scare me or not, time will only tell. But everything so far suggests that I will be massively entertained. The combat seems to take the 'survival' element of its genrevery seriously; forcing you to strategically disarm (literally) and incapacitate your enemies. The lighting and environmental design seem to be perfectly accompanied by some fantastic audio work and I have no doubt that what this game lacks in innovation, will be made up for with plenty of atmosphere.

You can, and should, check out the truckload of Dead Space media over at Gametrailers, including the aforementioned animated comics and specific documentaries on sound design and 'strategic dismemberment'.

http://www.gametrailers.com/game/5563.html

The Faux Bot

PS3 the equivalent of a mid-life crisis Porsche...apparently

Did you ever wonder what your particular choice of console said about you? Of course you did. Well, wonder no more as MSN's lifestyle channel is here with their unique brand of enforced self-evaluation. You thought you bought that PS3 because you wanted God of War 3? Think again, subconsciously you envy black men, assuming they all have massive johnsons and this is your form of over-compensation. Thought you bought that 360 because of Live and Left 4 Dead? Apparently not, you latent white supremacist, you. Don't even get me started on DS owners. Kiddie fiddlers.

But seriously.

MSN Dating claims that their guide to 'Boys and their toys' is an invaluable tool for the postmodern woman on the prowl. Why bother discovering your potential partner's personality for yourself, when the Internets is so kind to provide a simple guide to defining men through their purchases.

Ladies; want a loyal, early-adopter with a big bank balance, who demands nothing but the best from his technology, just as he does with his women? Then the PS3 owner is for you! He won't let you fuck around with his Littlebigplanet account though, because collaboration and creativity is for fags. He bought the biggest, blackest machine to serve as a metaphor for his personality, and his cock. He will fuck you roughly, and won't even ask before he puts it in your arse. You will enjoy this.

Ladies; want a fun, upbeat individual who likes it cheap and cheerful? Then the Wii owner is for you! The less he spends on his own hobbies means the more you can milk him for to fuel your own lust for commerce, right? Perhaps, or maybe he's just broke. You'd better get used to the sights and smells of Burger King. But that's OK, because he'll sweat all the filth out of his body by getting up off the sofa to play his waggle box!

Ladies; want a passionate, dedicated and socially active man? Then the XBOX360 owner is for you! His fascination with ultra-violent shooters and penchant for screaming threats of arse rape to his enemies are merely manifestations of his overwhelming passion. Let's not forget that such a passion will inevitably transfer to the bedroom! He enjoys the social aspect of gaming offered by XBOX Live. He just loves to be with friends, and in no way uses the service as a security blanket to curb his fear of genuine social interaction, or to escape from the fact that he thinks the rest of society comprises of around 90% filth and skunk pussy.


Read the real thing here, it's your funeral:
http://dating.engb.msn.com/matchscene/article.aspx?articleid=9891&TrackingID=523976&BannerID=568008

The Faux Bot

Monday, 4 August 2008

Like an old friend, with a brand new haircut

Skate 2 trailer. Do I really need to write anything to go with this? By now you should all know how much I adore Skate, so I'm practically cacking myself with excitement over the sequel. I've been so busy lately and working with games in my day job kinda sucks alot of my enthusiasm for this blog away. For all of you who diligently check back, you have my eternal thanks. Maybe a long wait for this game is just what I need to get myself all hyped up and ready to write again. I think the original Skate is what got my started here, let's hope that the sequel will provide some sort of rebirth. For now, enjoy!



The Faux Bot

Friday, 18 July 2008

Egg on yo' face

So, what did I get right about this year's E3 and the future of our beloved games consoles? Next to fuck all. Sorry, but can anyone honestly say that they were expecting the Final Fantasy bombshell? What was nice and predictable though was just how horrible and soul-sucking Nintendo's presentation was. Let me say it clearly, that I am all for the Wii. It's nice, simple and accessible and I think mothers and grandparents should be catered too. Its only fair. That said, I can only imagine the fanboy rage that Nintendo are bring upon themselves. This year's showing and the general direction for the company almost seems like one, big fuck you to all the faithful kids that kept Nintendo alive through the N64 and the Gamecube.

This video perfectly sums up Nintendo's showing this year, including Reggie Cheeseburger's blind optimism that his company still caters for 'core gamers', some mental 'soccer mom' bitch and Miyamoto doing his best to embody the phrase 'even a god can bleed'.





Reminds me of Chris Morris/Charlie Brooker.

The Faux Bot

Monday, 14 July 2008

Console war predictions/musings

Ah E3, the show that last year gave us Viva Pinata: Party Animals, more empty promises about Home and I'm sure Nintendo were probably shit as well. Although it's been dwindling in credibility for some time now, I feel particularly bitter about last year's show. I followed it closely and got squat. Jack shit. I wish I could predict what this year was going to be like, but I am merely a mortal and my skills with the force are not what they once were.
The one thing that is for sure is that this year will most definitely be the year of the copycat.

Sony copies Microsoft, Microsoft copies Nintendo. Sony puts 'Home' logos on game boxes (just like Xbox's Live logos) and Microsoft will probably announce some fuck awful motion controller to tie in with the new Banjo Kazooie game. This whole situation amuses me and frustrates me in equal measure. Xbox seem intent on trying to snatch away the fictional 'casual gamer' market, a market that by definition is never likely to buy many games. They are casual because they buy a Wii and play Wii Sports when the family is around or the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and the roast is in the oven. These people will not be buying 360's, no matter how many family friendly features the 'soft ram into it. They want a Wii, they want that brand. They aren't shopping around for consoles that sport motion sensitivity.

Whilst Microsoft are off chasing Nintendo's shadow, all Sony have to do is hoover up the crumbs of the used and heartbroken hardcore. The gamers that made the 360 what is will no doubt be massively turned off, Sony wades in with it's Live-meets-Second Life, otherwise known as 'Home', tell them that the extra £100 they have to spend on the console gives them free online gaming and Blu-Ray, and the hardcore has a new place to dwell. I've often criticized Sony for simply copying the 360. Alot of my frustration with the PS3 lies in the fact that in terms of quality software and value for money, it pales in comparison to the 360. The PS3 has shown a distinct lack of originality and continually carries with it Sony's characteristic arrogance. Sony's focus is primarily on hardware and their goal with the PS3 seems to be pleasing T3 readers, rather than GamesTM readers. I fall into the latter camp, but I have to give them credit where it's due. There's going to be a hole in the market and they have the biggest, blackest and shiniest cock, and it's firm and ready to plug it.

Microsoft will inevitably lose out by copying Nintendo, whilst Sony will eventually profit from aping their closest rival. It's a sad tale really. Microsoft saw a house paved with gold, but it turns out that somebody gave them the wrong directions. Sony moves in and claims squatter's rights while they're out and Nintendo sit atop their lofty castle built from the bullion that they forged themselves and lined with the finest hookers that their self-printed money could buy. Nintendo laughs like Brian Blessed in Blackadder, whilst eating a fucking huge turkey leg.


The Faux Bot

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

WTF Is Grand Theft Auto IV?

You may very well be forgiven if you've all but forgotten about GTAIV. I openly admit that despite the single player campaign being absolutely fantastic, the multiplayer wore too thin, too quickly. It simply doesn't stand the test of time and will never be able to compare with the likes of Call of Duty 4. I still love the game though, I'm just done with it long before I thought I ever would be.

It seems that some are still playing it though, as wonderfully demonstrated by this glorious nugget of user-generated content, or machimana, or whatever the fuck its called. Kudos goes to Prof Membrain for discovering this one on the spyware-infested nerd's favourite: Joblo.com, which is actually a superb movie website. I just got sick of cleaning my computer everytime I went on there. The execution is hardly amazing in this video, but I've yet to see better and you've got to give them credit for their ingenuity. If the video floods your computer with Trojans, don't blame me.



The Faux Bot

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Dear EA - I take it all back.

I've never been kind to EA, and with good reason. Years of dull sequels and their ongoing campaign to eradicate Take-Two sicken me. Their greed, it seems, knows no bounds and like most companies at the top of their respective food chains, they won't be entirely happy until the competition is all but dead and they have a license to print their own money.

Despite this, I've never doubted the positive effects that some EA fat-cash (tm) could have for smaller, more imaginative developers, look at Skate for example. EA have been putting their fingers in all the right pies lately, what with Rock Band currently reminding me of just how bad Guitar Hero 3 really is and some lovely looking new IP in the forms of Dead Space and Mirror's Edge. I wanted to refrain from the old shenanigans of just posting and commenting on game play vids, but here are some frankly stunning game play vids, and these words are my comments on them.

The Mirror's Edge one is a tad old, but I promised 'ol Rightbullets that I'd post it ages ago, yet I couldn't find a good enough reason to do so. The Dead Space videos are as fresh as the blood that covers every inch of the screen and do more than enough to convince me that EA are headed in the right direction. That on-screen display, that art design and the wondrous, wondrous sound. I am very, very excited for Dead Space. Mirror's Edge too, but I'm pretty sure I blew that load when I posted the screenshots.

FEAST!







The Faux Bot

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Games & Fashion: Part Deux

Last time I wrote about gaming fashion I didn't have this snappy headline, so think of this as being more like a spiritual sequel rather than another one of my half-arsed attempts at some sort of consistent feature. Again, I'm sourcing this from hipster's favourite Hypebeast.com, where they reveal that Triumvir are set to produce a range of Street Fighter t-shirts. The Orange County-based, self-professed "independent lifestyle company" have found themselves lucky enough to be granted with the opportunity to produce a clothing line to coincide with Street Fighter 2's 25th anniversary and the launch of Street Fighter 4.


This could so easily be just a case of some guys knocking out a range of shirts with Street Fighter screen prints on them. However, the fact that the first set of tees are being built around the theme of Shadowloo -Bison's crime syndicate- suggests that Triumvir are taking this more seriously, looking to communicate with fans of the series, rather than simply cash in on the name. This, coupled with their delightfully nostalgic blog is more than enough to get me excited. I love the idea that the popular culture that I personally grew up with can now see new light through re-interpretation and re-appropriation. I'm not going to get all postmodern on yo' asses here, I'll refrain from that and keep it simple. I fucking love Street Fighter 2 and I want to see it on t-shirts. I'll keep the postmodern recycling slant for future essays. Should also mention that Shadowloo theme equals maximum potential for the inclusion of Cammy. Enough said.


As I mentioned before, it's partly down to the nostalgic blog that I am so much more interested in these t-shirts. I too have fond memories of Street Fighter 2's arcade cabinets. Brynmawr Chip Shop had one and I sank more 50p's into that thing than I ever spent on FA cup sticker collections and Hubba Bubba's combined. Childhood was incredible and it wouldn't have been the same without Street Fighter 2. It's so pleasing to know that we weren't the only kids who replicated the moves in the playground, I just wonder if anyone else got their mates to do the energy bars for them, now that's the innocence of youth right there.

Check that blog here:

http://triumvir3.com/wordpress/?p=887


The Faux Bot

How much? Gnome freaking way!?

You readers know how it is, constantly forgetting to research things you've heard about on the web, so easily distracted by shiny links and playboy bunnies demonstrating wii fit. However today I remembered to look something up and my mind was blown (literally, pre frontal cortex everywhere).

I'm referring to the sale of WOW (World of Warcraft) accounts over the internet to people presumably too lazy to level up their own characters. It happens, and everyone who knows the game knows it happens, but are they aware of the cost?

http://www.buymmoaccounts.com/ has a list of characters for sale with full statistic info for those who wish to circumnavigate the laborious task of starting from the beginning and getting straight to kicking ass. I for one would love to know who utilizes such avenues. Money no object? Flex your online muscle with a Lv 70 Blood elf Priest for $1149.00, or a Lv 70 Dwarf Priest for $1099.00.
Slightly further down the scale you can get a lesser character for around the $800 mark.

If you're in the market for a high level 'bargain' I'd jump all over the Lv 70 Gnome Warlock for the low low price of $399.00. How this is still on the site is beyond me! What a giveaway.

Ah, who has such a love for the game and so much money to fritter away? What kind of satisfaction could possibly be gleaned from cleaning up online with a character you had no input in the creation of? I cant imagine a more hollow victory, its like punching out a six year old.

I'm amazed and bewildered at the same time- if you can't be bothered or simply don't have the time to level up surely its not the game for you.



The level 70 Dwarf Priest was happy with his price although still felt something of a whore being passed user to user.






Justtherightbullets

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Beautiful user generated help guides

Recently I came across some help guides on youtube that I thought to be of note and more than worth my time commenting on. I've been playing Beautiful Katamari the last few weeks and enjoying the craziness immensely it must be said, so imagine my delight to find some awesome help videos for the hard to find presents and cousins (not to mention 100 point guides). All at the touch of a button no less!

Mr 'ZoopSoul' has taken the time to film some of the best videos I've seen on the subject, with, I hasten to add, funny as hell commentaries to boot! Currently 84 videos in his repertoire makes his video collection pretty comprehensive, and with their help I'm convinced the 410 gamer-points I've accrued so far will soon increase in size much like my little Katamari.

Roll on my crazy friend.



Justtherightbullets

Monday, 16 June 2008

Got the MetalGear blues

Not being a PS3 owner and having a job that involves selling shiny new copies of Metal Gear Solid 4 on a daily basis can take its toll. It is no surprise that I'm pining for some tactical espionage action and there is no hope in sight that my beloved 360 can deliver it. Short of finding 350 quid lying around, I must admit defeat and find other things to do. I know I'm not alone here, so I've compiled a list of things that you can do whilst you wait, save or just plain avoid Kojima's latest bizarre opus.

1. Try out new and exciting pasta combinations:

Beefburger, sundried tomato and red pesto is fucking amazing. It really shouldn't be. If I had MGS4, I would have settled for some plain old Italian sausage combo. With an open and uncluttered mind I was able to see just how fantastically diverse the humble burger is and how it perfectly sits side by side with the acidity of the tomato.

2. Perfect your Liquid/Solid Snake impressions:

It may only serve to increase your sense of emptiness in the short term, but after a while you will begin to realise that there is no greater satisfaction than confusing your family and co-workers with a pitch perfect delivery of a gruff "A HIND-D!?" or a deliriously camp "WELCOME BROTHER!".





Pop Fact: Cam Clarke has the best voice ever! He's not in MGS4 though. What a load of crap.

3. Play Rock Band:

It's better than Guitar Hero 3 in every conceivable way. Queens of The Stone Age's 'Sick, Sick, Sick' is an absolute motherfucker but also the most satisfying rhythm-action experience I've ever had. First guitar, then drums and mic. If you're British you may start to think that alternatively, you are half way to affording that PS3 with MGS. Don't look back now, stay strong and forget the past. You've achieved so much!

4. Watch a movie:

You'd be sitting still watching the bloody things for hours on end anyway. Replicate the Metal Gear experience on the cheap by playing Splinter Cell for 15 minutes at a time and then watching the Lord of the Rings Director's cuts in the breaks.

5. Watch Metal Gear Awesome for the 100th time:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/297383
Because it is just that. (Awesome) *heh*

6. Find a friend and watch him play it:

If you can find a friend with the game, invite yourself over their house, get the kettle on and settle in for the day. The odds are that he is better at it than you are anyway, plus you won't have to deal with any of the frustration. Sit back, shout things like "hide in that bin!?" bust out some of your well-practiced impressions and try to figure out what that little monkey is all about.



The Faux Bot

Sunday, 8 June 2008

Time to admit defeat

It appears as if I only post here on Sundays now, which makes a lot of sense seeing as it is my only guaranteed day off. What I'm saying here is, for the foreseeable future at least, I will only be posting on Sundays. This is me admitting defeat. Work-a-day world - you win this round. When I'm a fully rounded man of leisure who can work from home, I'll probably have a lot more time for this. I know some of you still read this blog and it is to you that I am most grateful. Every time one of you mentions to me about something I've posted, I well up (eyes, not trousers) because I know that no matter how futile this may seem right now, there are still some reasons to keep it alive. I think we must be approaching our 1 year anniversary soon as well. If I can get my shit together, I'll do something special to celebrate. Anyway, I just want you all to know how grateful I am, and to know that even though it's only once a week, I am aiming for some sort of consistency here.

To get you warmed up; a GTA IV flavoured treat, courtesy of those rapscallions over at Gamesradar. Just when I was reaching the end of my tether with their excessive GTA coverage, GR post this slice of postmodern comic genius. Alright, maybe I'm over-selling it a little, but whichever way you look at it, GTA + Naked Gun = Awesome.





The Faux Bot

Sunday, 1 June 2008

I'll give you 'enter sandman' ya little prick



I kid, really I do. I shouldn't toy with paedophilic humour, but if you know the song and you've seen the video then you'll have to admit that this headline is the wittiest thing I've conjured up in ages.

This kid absolutely destroys Enter Sandman's drum track on expert and I can't help but be a bit jealous. Not only because I can't afford my own Rock Band set up, but because there's no way I'd have the talent or patience to get this good. I suppose the only thing that comforts me is that Little Stevie here, or whatever his damn name is, clearly has to drum his way into daddy's affections. No shirt, skinny as hell. What does that tell you? That the only way to get good at Rhythm Action games is HARD WORK, something that Stevie's dad knows all about. Sure, he's cold and hungry now, but when he earns that shirt after 100% completion of And Justice For All... he'll know its true value. Work hard now, sit on stacks of cash and women with your very own shirt when you reach the top of the international leaderboards.

Is he doing the kick pedal as well? I can't figure out how that works. It looks hard enough with just the four pads.

Also, Youtube now hosts a number of videos of guys who have filmed their girlfriends playing Wii Fit in their underwear, but I'm not going to post them here, we're far too high-brow for that.

The Faux-Bot

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Brucie gets Wii Fit

Despite the nationwide shortage, Brucie - everybody's favourite roid-freak arsehole has managed to get a copy of Wii Fit. I guess he isn't so genetically superior after all.



The Faux Bot

Friday, 23 May 2008

Goddamn Hippies

Greenpeace as an institution have continued to grate on me for some years now and not just because everybody hates hippies. They always seemed to be a collection of the kind of work-shy idealistic middle-class shitbags who think that they don't have to get a real job but rather they pursue their destiny to save mother earth and piss off mummy and daddy at the same time. They are the kind of people who take a year out of university to 'go travelling'. In short, they are cunts.

Now we find ourselves in the wake of the generation they influenced. The 'green' mentality is all around us and whether the figures would show it or not, as a society we are far more conscious of our effect on the environment. We drink fruit smoothies, sort our plastics from our tins and buy 'bags for life'. So with even the huge mega-evil capitalist bastard supermarkets ramming environmentalism down our throats and choking us on our own excess of carrier bags, what place is there left for an institution such as Greenpeace? Surely, their work is done.

Not quite, you see there are a lot of people on the pay roll, so to maintain income and their reputation they find other things to moan about. If I was in charge of such a waning institution, I'd find some sort of 'hot topic' to latch onto, you know, to propel the name back into the public sphere. Something like a retail sector that "saw a 14 percent growth over the last year" to quote Greenpeace themselves. Something like....videogames.

Apparently games consoles are toxic. That's what Greenpeace seem to think and if their slick new advert with latex gloves and high tech machinery is anything to go by, well, it must be true. I mean, look at the editing, it's all fast and it has 'beats' for the soundtrack. Yeah! C'mon all you hip kids! Send your console back to Nintendo, write them a letter about how they have to 'cool out' and use greener plastics and find some of those processor boards that mother nature so kindly provides on trees, then go outside and paint a mural with all your eclectic friends.






So why is it so bad if they are toxic? Apparently, "Once they’ve reached the end of useful life, game consoles are often dumped and end up in unsafe and dirty recycling yards in developing countries" Yep. Guilty as charged. Hands up, gamers. Now how many have you have willingly thrown out your £160+ worth of console this year? What, none of you!? Ahh come on, we're the middle classes, we throw out expensive equipment all the time, especially when they reach the end of their lives. After all, this generation has been going for a whole THREE YEARS! That's nearly a millennia! Sarcasm aside, this just shows how tragically out of touch Greenpeace are, which is further highlighted by their trivialisation of consoles in general; stating that, "Ironically, despite being used for playing games, game consoles are not classified as toys." This is what happens when you switch off the TV and start reading The Observer - you become a cultural fuckwitt and join Greenpeace.



Douchebaggery in full: http://www.greenpeace.org/international/clashoftheconsoles/



The Faux Bot

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Seeing the light: Sequels R' Us

I fully admit that on times I can be very tough to impress. As a human I endeavour to be the eternal optimist. This doesn't always work, but I try and that's the important bit. As a gamer, however, my personality is altogether far more stubborn and critical. I ceaselessly crave new ideas and constantly refer to past glories (see Jet Set Radio) as being the pinnacles of gaming invention that have yet to be topped. Naturally, with me being the miserable and overly critical nit-picking bastard of a gamer that I am, criticizing sequels is akin to shooting fish in a barrel. And in case you were wondering, the answer is 'Yes'. I thought that Shooting Fish in a Barrel 2 was a load of shit, despite the fact that it had G-Con support and online co-op.

So, with another exhaustingly long and convoluted introduction out of the way, I'll get to making my point. Usually, I frown at sequels, but this year promises some incredible treats, the kind that bypass my usual cynicism and instead see me revert to the mentality of a frothed-up ten year old at Christmas (for similar results see Me at Christmas). "What's in the sequel sack?" I hear you ask.

Skate 2!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fable 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Viva Pinata: Trouble in paradise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gears of War 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, Gears and Fable are going to be the unstoppable behemoths that we all expect them to be and no excitement will be required on our parts because the sheer saturation of hype will work its way into us just like osmosis. It's rare that I give a shit about a sequel that isn't prefixed by the titles Shenmue, Jet Set Radio or Grand Theft Auto. Times they are a' changin'. We all gushed over how fantastic a year for gaming 2007 turned out to be, but with these treats on the horizon along with Mirrors Edge, Dead Space, Alone in The Dark, Castle Crashers and Littlebigplanet, to name but a few, 2008 is already shaping up to snatch that crown away in record time.

I'll refrain from saying I've got a semi.






But, I have got a semi.


The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Missing: one pair of fingerless gloves

I've been playing GTA IV for around 40 hours now and I've yet to find a pair of fingerless gloves. You know the ones, right? The very same ones that featured in nearly every promo shot for the game? Let me refresh your memory:







I'm struggling to think of ways to eloquently put this, so I'll just go right ahead and say it: WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!? Dropping the radio from the phone is one thing, but that's a whole game feature, one that could cause any number of problems. I have enough trouble with people ringing me during 3 star wanted ratings as it is, the last thing I need is that lovable bell-end Lazlow to be thrown into the mix. But to drop a pair of gloves. C'mon, that's just weird. And frustrating. They actually do alot to propel Nico into near-iconic status and Rockstar just decided to drop them. Just plain odd. Lost for words, so time to stop. Let me know if you find them though.

The Faux Bot

New Banjo: Meh



Look, I'm sorry, I don't want to be the one to crash the party, but I can't help thinking that maybe this footage of the new Banjo Kazooie game looks a bit - for want of a better term - rubbish. I have fond memories of the N64 and particularly Rare's sumptuous 3D platforming delights, but this looks like Banjo HD and nothing more. I'm sure I'm probably judging it a little too early and that in time some genuinely interesting elements will come to light. But for now the bricolage environments, the achingly-retro character designs are all far too dated for me to get excited about. Still, at least they announced a sequel to Viva Pinata, which on my potential sequel scale ranks as number 3, look:

1. Jet Set Radio 3

2. Shenmue 3

3. Viva Pinata 2

-end abruptly

The Faux Bot

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Online in the real world

I often wonder what it would be like if gaming achievements had more ‘real-world’ influence. For example; would Tommy from Arizona get laid by the girl of his dreams from college if she knew he’d done the Mile High level of Call of Duty 4 on Veteran difficulty? If it were somehow displayed on his shirt as a visible badge of honor to anyone who’d played the game? The answer is probably not; as the chances are she doesn’t give a shit. But what if she did? What if she knew all about it and if she knew that it took him only two attempts she’d be all over him like a wasp in a bin?

OK, so its an odd example I admit, but with thousands of people spending hours upon hours gaming online, moving up leaderboards and leveling up characters I often think about how far removed it actually is from everything else and if it'll ever be any different? I wonder how many level 10 COD prestige players I’ve passed in the street, or how many times I’ve sat next to someone on a bus who has all their final fantasy characters at level 99? I wonder if gaming achievements will ever be worth more? When the guys at the top of the leaderboards step outside their front doors all their effort counts for sweet F.A. It just doesn’t seem right.

For someone such as myself for who fiction and reality are pretty much the same anyway, it wouldn’t be a big leap to see people’s gamertags and usernames floating above their heads as they walk down the street. Not standing out, just as the norm, like on the television screen.

Hopefully the future will bring me all the odd and unlikely things I desire, although I think it’ll take a while for my sci-fi-esq fantasies to become reality. That said, if the masses are reluctant the rest of us will still be able to see what we chose with our optical prosthetics.



I’m not insane.

Justtherightbullets

Monday, 5 May 2008

The GTA IV Widows Club.

20 hours into GTA IV and I begin to remember how cruelly I've neglected my other major time-sucker. It is of course, this darling Blog of mine, oh how I have missed you. I forgot of the ways we used to cavort and caper, and dream of them actually releasing Castle Crashers. But I'm back now baby. Wipe those tears and spread open your factpipe: I'm going to fill you stupid (give you so much knowledge that you'll go back around to being stupid again).

So, yeah.

I take a certain sense of pride in keeping the GTA hype to a minimum here. That said, as with most things, it's futile for me to even try and compete with the major websites or even bother with posting their second hand news (unless I think it's something that has been overlooked by the majority). Grand Theft Radar, or Gamesradar as it was once known has almost literally fucked the game inside-out to the point that I'm confident that by next week they will have reverse-engineered the whole thing to figure out just where the hell you get those fingerless gloves.

By now, you may be asking yourself 'Where is he going with this?' or 'Why do I bother coming back here?', but hopefully what you are really thinking is 'Well, what unique and interesting angle will Split-Screen's GTA IV coverage take?' For those of you with the latter circling your brain, I proudly present the first chapter in our post-GTA madness: The GTA IV Widows club!


Whilst sensationalist right-wing media outlets are busy making their names by jumping on vicious bandwagons, vilifying our favourite source of entertainment and asking us "won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!?" (in their best Maude Flanders voice) it's easy to forget about the real victims. The game does destroy lives, but not those of children, oh no. Spare a thought, please, for the widows of Grand Theft Auto, those who lose their life partners, sometimes for hours on end, to one of the most all-consuming pieces of interactive entertainment ever witnessed. You see the problem with GTA is that so many of those who play are intelligent beings, capable of forming relationships with the opposite sex. World of Warcraft and the like need not worry about its players alienating their spouses, because none of them have any.

If you understand the plight of these strong-willed, yet broken women, then I urge you to follow this link: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=15959691155&ref=mf join the group and make your voice heard. Strength in numbers sisters, strength in numbers.


The Faux-Bot

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

I love any excuse to say "Hill-Dog"

At around 2 a.m. this very morning, my brother sent me a text message informing me of just how pant-wettingly funny he found Hillary 'Hill-Dog' Clinton's message to the WWE audience. I don't really know what he was on about, seeing as I don't have digital TV. What a coincidence though, that I should stumble across this today. As far as I'm concerned, this is the single greatest argument for just why user-generated content is such a good thing.

This one's for you, mon frere.



The Faux Bot

Sunday, 20 April 2008

Who needs plasmids? - A less drastic type of modification

It seems that those of us lucky enough to get our hands on the collector's edition of Bioshock fell into two distinct categories. On one hand you have those that were just happy to get a big daddy model - that's me, then on the other hand you had those who were massively underwhelmed by the model's general crappiness and complete lack of relation to it's source - that's everyone else.

Whilst this will do little more than reinforce the opinions of those who felt a little cheated, it is nice to see someone taking the situation into their own hands. If you don't like your big daddy model, then just modify it! Simple, right? Perhaps if you're an experienced model builder. Schwerpunkt Stuidos just happen to be quite experienced and have kindly provided any aspiring customisers out there with a step-by-step account of how to go about modifying your own Mr. Bubbles.


Having spent quite a bit of my childhood building and painting Games Workshop kits, I'm half tempted to give this a go. But then I tell myself that when it inevitably all goes tits-up, I won't be able to get my hands on another one. With that in mind, let's just look at the nice pictures, shall we?




The Faux Bot

Give this boy a job!

This could be, nay, should be an advert for the upcoming Fable 2. Molenyuex, if your reading, hire this guy right now.



Dean is a very talented young man who has worked very hard to put a dark past behind him. Despite several years of 'easy money' thanks to his skills as a people trafficker, he has turned his life around in favour of more wholesome pursuits. I can't stand the idea of him not producing some more work like this, so for God's sake, if your reading this and you know of any outlet for his talent, please email me.


The Faux Bot

I hate the term 'Geek Chic' but....

When I'm not trawling the Internet for nuggets of information on GTA IV or F5'ing the hell out of the Castle Crashers blog in the hope that they might actually decide when to release the game, I spend alot of time looking at aspirational fashion websites such as http://www.hypebeast.com/ where white boys use terms like 'threads' and 'hook up' without even the faintest trace of irony.

Very rarely do my two worlds converge, so imagine my fanboyish glee when I saw these.



What you're looking at are a range of Sega-inspired t-shirts from Japanese streetwear label Uniqlo. It's doubtful that they'll ever make their way over here to the U.K, but if you can read Japanese, they're available for 1,500 Yen over at the Uniqlo Japan Webstore. Failing that, get on the eBays. Other auction sites are available. I call dibs on the House of the Dead one.


More here: http://www.hypebeast.com/2008/04/uniqlo-ut-x-sega-tribute-tees

The Faux Bot

Thursday, 17 April 2008

"I like a woman with a BIG ASS!"

Seeing as I don't make a habit of playing derivative GTA rip-offs, I never played the Scarface game. It looked bloody awful and I adopted and "out of sight, out of mind" approach, kind of like you would with an old relative, or more specifically, as I plan to do when I shove my withered parents into the worst care home that money can buy. So, from a bad use of Al Pacino in a videogame, to a good use of Al Pacino in a videogame. They should really make this.




The Faux Bot

Monday, 14 April 2008

Braaaaaa-vo *slow clap*

What the fuck is this? Oh, that's right, some much-needed new maps for Kane & Lynch's online multiplayer mode. Whilst being one of ten fans of the game, I was still well aware of all of it's massive failings- for all intents and purposes, the game is utter shit. Great characters, cool costumes and a distinct style made it more than bearable for me and it's online multiplayer is the reason that it managed to stay in my disc tray. With only four maps though, it began to wear a bit thin.




Normally, I'd be overjoyed at this announcement, but with GTAIV arriving just 12 days after, I'll be hard pushed to give a fuck. It's like they timed it to make themselves look worse, as if they purposely want to be overshadowed by a game that offers much in the same way of vicarious criminal thrills, just with far more competence. Poor IO, let's hope they can get it together for a fixed sequel, or at least a new Hitman game. Far overdue in my opinion. Gimme Hitman.


Also, GTA IV.

The Faux-Bot

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Slamming up HYPE in yo' collective FACE!

Yes, you read that right. If you hadn't already heard, I'm around 70% ghetto, so unfortunately, this sort of thing tends to just slip out sometimes. But yes, I thought I'd treat you to a GTA IV hype round-up, but then I saw the light, realising that you have all probably already visited Gamesradar, Destructoid and IGN to see their hands-on multiplayer impressions, haven't you?

With that in mind, Let me direct your wanton hype-funnels in a less saturated direction. Firstly, some juicy, bite-sized morsels of info. have surfaced concerning the soon to be much-hyped Gears of War 2. Go read it here, then come back: http://www.gamesradar.com/xbox360/gears-of-war-2/news/gears-2-information-blowout-/a-20080408113242430015/g-2007031211164597054 sounds cool, right? Dynamic cover, Locust Shamans and a plethora of new, hyper-real comic book dropout characters that we all love to hate. What more do you want? A little depth maybe? Pfft.

Secondly, prise open your insatiable tube for the Castle Crashers Development Blog: http://devblog.thebehemoth.com/ Not that it ever looks like this game will actually ever come out, but we can always dream and continue to moisten ourselves in the meantime. I want this game more than any XBOX Live Arcade title ever, not just for the rough and tumble, deceptively simple, and wonderfully accessible gameplay, but because it reminds me of what it was like to play games as a child. Sitting with a friend to play Streets of Rage or Golden Axe, they were good times. Times filled with the kind of naive wonder that led to combining cola with orange juice and idolising your best friend's mother's absolutely fantastic corned beef sandwiches. To me, the development team over at The Behemoth seems to share that fondness for the past, and fully understand what made it so enjoyable.

Lastly, to wrap up, go drool here: http://fallout3.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/fallout-3-the-new-pictures-at-pcgamesde/. New Fallout 3 screenshots. Looks amazing. Can't Wait. Sleep now. Becoming increasingly aware that my words sound as if spoken by Rorschach. Legs tired. Go watch Young Ones in bed. Bye. Must get better lock on door. I like sugar cubes. Etc. Apologise for overwhelming amount of sexual imagery.


The Faux-Bot

Sunday, 6 April 2008

111th POST SPECIAL re-launchesque SPECTACULAR!

It's become painfully obvious over these past few months that with a reader base of about 3 and absolutely no industry connections, posting 'news' on this blog is relatively futile. Obviously some stories will continue to interest me and you can rely on us all for the usual bile and massive bias, but from hereon in, I'm going to make a distinct effort to cover more of what I guess would be referred to as 'videogame culture'. I'll never cover a news story that IGN or Destructoid hasn't already and with my posts becoming less and less frequent, I think it's time to really start making this blog more distinctive and to keep you all coming back for something different.
So, I hope you like it and that for once, I can show you all something new.

Essentially, what I want to show is evidence of something that I've always maintained: gaming is the only truly underdeveloped art form that we have left. Cinema, literature and music have all peaked, and whilst many make the effort to reinterpret past forms in consistently innovative ways, it can all be traced back through a fairly linear path. Videogames have yet to realize their full potential, and no matter how sceptical you are, you would surely find it almost impossible to argue that this current generation of games has not shown us things that years ago we would have never dreamed of. The real beauty of it is that as it continues to evolve, it also goes on to influence other facets of culture. Here are some of my favourites so far.

I'd like to start with a bit of a reminder:
I've harped on about my love for Paul Robertson's films for quite a while now. To me, he is the personification of a generation influenced by the language of video games. His animation style overflows with character and intertextual references to videogaming as a whole. His characters innocuously level up and dish out the kind of super moves that will make Marvel vs. Capcom fans squeal with delight. He has a new film out called Kings of Power 4 Billion% which is incredible. Here's the trailer:



And here's a link to download the whole thing, if you know what's good for ya! http://probertson.livejournal.com/

Next up, a little bit of Chiptune. I have to admit, I've criminally overlooked the whole Chiptune thing for far too long. I guess I've always been reluctant to indulge in any 'scene' because they're just so disposable and you'll always feel dirty and embarrassed when it all blows over and you have to get rid of your ironic fringe. Thankfully, this sort of music seems like it is going from strength to strength. You only have to pay attention to the music in Paul Robertson's films to see how it is being mixed with live instruments to make something different. In the simplest terms, Chiptune describes music created using existing videogame hardware, more often than not, old Gameboys and NES systems. This trailer for a documentary exploring the scene should provide a more than adequate introduction for you. It's called 'Reformat the Planet' and if you want to learn more, get scouring those torrent sites for a download, or start pestering your local arthouse cinema and get them to screen it.



I hope I've at least managed to introduce you to some new things here and I'll be relying on you for feedback when you see me. Just let me know if you like the slight change and encourage me to carry it on. This is just as much an introduction for me as it may be to most of you, but I'm going to do my best to explore more of the culture that videogames has influenced and bring it to you, on here.

Thanks for reading.


The Faux Bot -turn off the lights, and I glow! COD4 No.1 GANGSTA

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Video Double-Penetration

Think that's vulgar? Go fuck yourself. Today is a bad day.

The user vids section of gametrailers.com turned this pair of gems today though. Salivate away, ya dogs!

First up:

An interview with what I can only describe as some sort of Gay Warlock. I don't know what he's talking about, but you can see some in-game footage of Resident Evil 5.




Next up:
A slide show of screens from GTAIV's multiplayer. Not sure which of the proposed 16 modes this is, but it's nice to see it's a reality. Reminds of of Kane & Lynch, hopefully it will heal the wounds that game left on me.




Also, everyone please give a big Split-Screen welcome to The Mowley and thank him for sharing his cherry-popping experiences with us as well as inadvertently showing me how to use the labels system on this website. I think I only overlooked it for about 5 months maybe. *sigh*


The Faux Bot

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