Thursday, 11 December 2008
• This week Charlie's dismal life continued its sorry descent as he spent the only spare minutes he had obsessively playing Fallout 3, an intensely dispiriting videogame in which you stagger around in a post-apocalyptic wasteland scrabbling for bits of metal and eating radioactive iguana meat in a desperate bid to survive: "What's worrying is that that's my idea of fun right now."
Fallout 3 is officially amazing because the heroic polymath that is Charlie Brooker is as obsessed with it as I am. Can you believe it!? I feel so, so.....validated! Brooker is responsible for Dead Set, Nathan Barley, TV go home and the best articles The Guardian has to offer, amongst several other works of genius. It's fair to say that I generally rate him and take his word as some sort of gospel. Oh shit, now I just realised where the whole "preacherman" concept came from. Ok, forget that then, Charlie Brooker is an absolute cunt.
I'm not making this up! (click)
The Faux Bot
Monday, 8 December 2008
I took satisfaction this morning when I found this video that, to me, levels the playing field somewhat. What you will see below is a '6-way gang-bang' conducted through Sony's equivalent to Chinese Democracy - Home. Actions speak louder than words my friends. The idiocy is spreading.
The Faux Bot
Thursday, 4 December 2008
By the time the Rock Band versus Guitar Hero slugfest has begun, you've become jaded. You don't sit there trying to best a new song any more, because it's not fun to fail. Why practice Knights of Cydonia when I can clack my way through Gallows genuinely getting amped up?
So you've booted up the latest GH as a last throw of the dice. The new guitar glistens in your hand, promising much with its plasticy curves. You crack open a bottle of beer, and hope you can blame it for what is essentially an expensive game of Simon says.
And then it happens. Inch by inch, it starts to take you over. The new set structure kicks RB's into next week. Each gig actually feels like a set performance, full of rushing highs and crashing lows. The movement on the stage as your eye darts around on the quiet bit actually feels like your favourite concert.
And the perfect set comes along. It kicks off with a favourite, something you couldn't wait to play the moment you opened that box. The grin on your face hides the easy bits, and pushes you through the hard. Then the metal kicks in for song two, and your adrenaline spikes as you crash your way through it. Solos punish and mock you, and the slow dribble of that needle into the red sets your teeth on edge, licking up any bit of star power like honey.
Then the slow classic begins. Something from the 70's swirls its way through the speaker, and you realise why your parents were blessed. That moment where GH actually shows you why a song was great, rather than reduce it to its clacky beat parts. Your fingers ache as they rest, then seize as the secret complexities of simple favourites rears its head.
Then the celebrity appears, and you flip out. You're in the moment now, and it's like they've pushed through the crowd just to see if you can hang with them. Their song is an epic, and you want to show what you can do. The difficulty is gone as you ride the perfect score, and there's nothing stopping you.
And then the encore. This is the killer moment. If it's a dud (and it rarely is) the moment is gone. You click through it, waiting to see if you can unlock the Tool set yet. But if it's not....you almost go "YEAAAAH!". Seriously, with no irony.
Admittedly this was slightly less eloquent than I would like it to be, but I can't describe how it happened. It just did.
Monday, 24 November 2008
The fact that a price drop would coincide with the release of Killzone 2 is more than logical and it's surely about time that Sony stopped deluding themselves and realised that they don't run this generation. It's Nintendo's pie now, and Microsoft's price drops help them edge ever-closer to the table, Sony would be wise to follow suit.
The Faux Bot
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Spaceghost2K is just the man you should call on when you need an overly elaborate faceplate designed. He rose to the challenge, with gusto may I add. If you aren't familiar with Tubgirl, just Google it, we don't need that sort of thing on here. I'll happily show you the faceplate though:
For more of Spaceghost's custom plates, check here: http://forum.teamxbox.com/showthread.php?t=529128
dibs on the Lupin 3rd one.
The Faux Bot
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Have this: Kaneda's bike (of Akira fame) lovingly re-created in Littlebigplanet. God I hate that game for being so loveable. Hold onto your hats kids, my inevitable Fallout 3 piece is in the works. For now though, courage.
The Faux Bot
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
The footage is from the Wii but it looks like some form of the game will appear for the 360 early next year. Goodnight Gears of War 2, I'm saving my money. Also its worth noting that the Oneechanbara franchise is well established in Japan and there is a live action movie. To the torrents!
EDIT: The 360 version is called Oneechanbara Vortex. Here is a trailer.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion, I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion, I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion,I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion,I-ma-gin-a-a-a-tion
The game looks downright stunning, and if I had produced something that unique and drool-worthy, then I'd probably post a video showing it off aswell. Rare: you continue to impress me. Kudos. It's games like this that make me realise just how dull World At War is going to be. Beige, guys, grey guns. *yawn*
Enjoy that splash of technicolour brilliance, then break your mind with this. I couldn't find the Wonder Showzen clip that the title refers to, but I did find something that might be a perfect representation of what kind of show it is:
The Faux Bot
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
One poor young man decided to take issue with Capcom pulling a similar stunt, by charging for an unlockable difficulty level for Mega Man 9. This is another horribly shitty business practice and the kid, albeit foolishly, tried to rage against the machine. Destructoid have been less than kind to him, which is a shame. Jim Sterling cites the best way to fight it is just simply to 'not buy it'. But when you know they simply carved off a chunk of the game that already existed and then tried to sell it to you as a separate product, you may get a tad frustrated.
Let's face it, the kid may be dumb and yes, perhaps sound a little 'whiny' but Capcom are the real fuckers here. Way to shaft your fans guys. Online co-op in Resi 5 to cost an extra fiver? Probably.
The Faux Bot
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Perhaps my favourite thing about him though is his unique ability to turn team killing into an art form. Already banned from Call of Duty 4 and no doubt working his way to achieving the same status on Gears of War, Geoff is truly a hero for our time. I love to hear the hardcore players going apeshit. Serves them right for taking the game so seriously. I've kindly posted his Gears team killing video (no need to thank me) so turn the sound up and then go and explore the Freezecracker Youtube channel.
The Faux Bot
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
That awfully constructed sentence should show that I have absolutely no interest in current events and talking about them makes me seem foolish and uninformed. This is true, but it is a badge that I wear with pride as I am sure that if I began paying attention to the world, then my happy-go-lucky demeanour would be forever lost. The world as viewed through the eyes of the news is a depressing one, and one that I'd rather not participate in.
The other day, said experiment was brought to my attention. As I was told the details, I instantly assumed that I was being 'had' and blurted out 'That's the plot from Half-Life!" Duuuuuuuhhhhhhh. I later found out that this was not the case. I am now very excited to report that I was not the only one to assume that a portal to another dimension would be created and that our laboratories would soon be overrun with pesky headcrabs.
Thankfully, it seems that another Half-Life fan has taken action in order to help prevent such impeding doom. He has sent the scientists a crowbar. Genius.
The Faux Bot
Monday, 1 September 2008
More than likely, it is the gold-whore glitch exploiting little shitters that inhabit group one who happen to make up the biggest part of the game's ownership. I for one can't blame them. Whilst I feel that making life a little too easy for yourself in the world of Fable 2 will quite simply make the game utterly redundant, I am not above a little whoring myself, amassing around a million gold thanks to the glitch. I have now consciously stopped 'glitching' -to employ a COD4/GOW term- a decision that has been aided greatly by the release of the equally glitchy Castle Crashers. Sadly, Castle Crashers' glitches are hardly worth exploiting, unless there's something to be gained from constantly getting disconnected during co-op sessions and ridiculous amounts of lag during ranked matches. But, I digress....
Whilst it's far from concrete, rumour and rumblings suggest that there may be repercussions to exploiting the glitch. Technically, it's cheating and with Fable 2's emphasis on corruption and purity, and Lionhead's reluctance to release a patch, it would certainly seem that they are cooking up some sort of punishment for us. I may seriously reconsider transferring my gold, or I could just play it as a right evil bastard, only time will tell. Anyway, check the story on Kotaku just so you know that I'm not making it all up.
See you in Albion. The Faux Bot promises not to kill your wife.
The Faux Bot
Monday, 25 August 2008
The problem is that I also love a good brawler. The magnificent Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 will always be in my top 10 and I have the softest of soft spots for Soul Calibur's Seigfried (he's so dreamy, also, big sword). So, I routinely punish myself, by playing these games but constantly lack the patience or dedication to unlock their full potential and actually get anywhere with them. Luckily, the Mortal Kombat series never really posed such a problem to me. I always thought the character design was shit, and the fatalities (by far the series' strong point) were too difficult for me to either remember or master. Now it's all change.They had to go and throw a spanner in my works.....
Watch to the end of the video for one of the coolest fatalities ever.
The Faux Bot
Friday, 22 August 2008
The Faux Bot
Unfortunately for the team behind Dead Space theirs is a game that, for most, will never be more than the sum of its parts. Just one minute of gameplay footage makes it very clear that Dead Space is a game that wears its influences on its sleeve. But, when those influences happen to be Alien, The Thing, Event Horizon and Resident Evil 4, is that really so bad after all?
If you subscribe to the modernist doctrine of constant invention and innovation, then Dead Space is a game that will surely disappoint. However, if you're an oh-so-cool postmodern cat like myself and you enjoy such reinterpretation, then get prepared to cack your knickers.
What impresses me the most about Dead Space is that whilst it can't escape what it owes to stories, settings and mechanics that we've already seen, it still strives to prove itself. Clearly, this is one original IP that EA are not happy to simply push out into the big, bad world and leave to fend for itself. EA have taken care of this baby, providing the little blighter with its very own animated film and comic book. Not many newly acquired IP's can boast such treatment, and even fewer endeavour to make such things more than just promotional tools. The comic and animated film both take the form of prequels that tell the story of just how things got quite so deranged and for the time being, are doing a perfect job of setting up a smart, self-contained mythology.
What I've seen of the animation is hardly anything to write home about, but thankfully it is surpassed by the quality of the comic, which itself is animated and can be found on Gametrailers.com or the console network of your choice. The distinctive art style of Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night) is a considered and informed choice and just goes to show quite how seriously EA are taking it. Whether you like it or not, you can't knock them for effort. More cue-taking can be seen in the Bioshock-esque advertising and safety posters that can be seen around the game's setting: The Ishimura, a 'planet cracking' mining ship. Whilst they lack the flair or depth of Bioshock's art design, I still applaud them for trying and for realising that every element in a scene should be considered.
Whether it'll scare me or not, time will only tell. But everything so far suggests that I will be massively entertained. The combat seems to take the 'survival' element of its genrevery seriously; forcing you to strategically disarm (literally) and incapacitate your enemies. The lighting and environmental design seem to be perfectly accompanied by some fantastic audio work and I have no doubt that what this game lacks in innovation, will be made up for with plenty of atmosphere.
You can, and should, check out the truckload of Dead Space media over at Gametrailers, including the aforementioned animated comics and specific documentaries on sound design and 'strategic dismemberment'.
The Faux Bot
MSN Dating claims that their guide to 'Boys and their toys' is an invaluable tool for the postmodern woman on the prowl. Why bother discovering your potential partner's personality for yourself, when the Internets is so kind to provide a simple guide to defining men through their purchases.
Ladies; want a loyal, early-adopter with a big bank balance, who demands nothing but the best from his technology, just as he does with his women? Then the PS3 owner is for you! He won't let you fuck around with his Littlebigplanet account though, because collaboration and creativity is for fags. He bought the biggest, blackest machine to serve as a metaphor for his personality, and his cock. He will fuck you roughly, and won't even ask before he puts it in your arse. You will enjoy this.
Ladies; want a fun, upbeat individual who likes it cheap and cheerful? Then the Wii owner is for you! The less he spends on his own hobbies means the more you can milk him for to fuel your own lust for commerce, right? Perhaps, or maybe he's just broke. You'd better get used to the sights and smells of Burger King. But that's OK, because he'll sweat all the filth out of his body by getting up off the sofa to play his waggle box!
Ladies; want a passionate, dedicated and socially active man? Then the XBOX360 owner is for you! His fascination with ultra-violent shooters and penchant for screaming threats of arse rape to his enemies are merely manifestations of his overwhelming passion. Let's not forget that such a passion will inevitably transfer to the bedroom! He enjoys the social aspect of gaming offered by XBOX Live. He just loves to be with friends, and in no way uses the service as a security blanket to curb his fear of genuine social interaction, or to escape from the fact that he thinks the rest of society comprises of around 90% filth and skunk pussy.
Read the real thing here, it's your funeral:
The Faux Bot
Monday, 4 August 2008
The Faux Bot
Friday, 18 July 2008
This video perfectly sums up Nintendo's showing this year, including Reggie Cheeseburger's blind optimism that his company still caters for 'core gamers', some mental 'soccer mom' bitch and Miyamoto doing his best to embody the phrase 'even a god can bleed'.
Reminds me of Chris Morris/Charlie Brooker.
The Faux Bot
Monday, 14 July 2008
The one thing that is for sure is that this year will most definitely be the year of the copycat.
Sony copies Microsoft, Microsoft copies Nintendo. Sony puts 'Home' logos on game boxes (just like Xbox's Live logos) and Microsoft will probably announce some fuck awful motion controller to tie in with the new Banjo Kazooie game. This whole situation amuses me and frustrates me in equal measure. Xbox seem intent on trying to snatch away the fictional 'casual gamer' market, a market that by definition is never likely to buy many games. They are casual because they buy a Wii and play Wii Sports when the family is around or the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and the roast is in the oven. These people will not be buying 360's, no matter how many family friendly features the 'soft ram into it. They want a Wii, they want that brand. They aren't shopping around for consoles that sport motion sensitivity.
Whilst Microsoft are off chasing Nintendo's shadow, all Sony have to do is hoover up the crumbs of the used and heartbroken hardcore. The gamers that made the 360 what is will no doubt be massively turned off, Sony wades in with it's Live-meets-Second Life, otherwise known as 'Home', tell them that the extra £100 they have to spend on the console gives them free online gaming and Blu-Ray, and the hardcore has a new place to dwell. I've often criticized Sony for simply copying the 360. Alot of my frustration with the PS3 lies in the fact that in terms of quality software and value for money, it pales in comparison to the 360. The PS3 has shown a distinct lack of originality and continually carries with it Sony's characteristic arrogance. Sony's focus is primarily on hardware and their goal with the PS3 seems to be pleasing T3 readers, rather than GamesTM readers. I fall into the latter camp, but I have to give them credit where it's due. There's going to be a hole in the market and they have the biggest, blackest and shiniest cock, and it's firm and ready to plug it.
Microsoft will inevitably lose out by copying Nintendo, whilst Sony will eventually profit from aping their closest rival. It's a sad tale really. Microsoft saw a house paved with gold, but it turns out that somebody gave them the wrong directions. Sony moves in and claims squatter's rights while they're out and Nintendo sit atop their lofty castle built from the bullion that they forged themselves and lined with the finest hookers that their self-printed money could buy. Nintendo laughs like Brian Blessed in Blackadder, whilst eating a fucking huge turkey leg.
The Faux Bot
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
It seems that some are still playing it though, as wonderfully demonstrated by this glorious nugget of user-generated content, or machimana, or whatever the fuck its called. Kudos goes to Prof Membrain for discovering this one on the spyware-infested nerd's favourite: Joblo.com, which is actually a superb movie website. I just got sick of cleaning my computer everytime I went on there. The execution is hardly amazing in this video, but I've yet to see better and you've got to give them credit for their ingenuity. If the video floods your computer with Trojans, don't blame me.
The Faux Bot
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Despite this, I've never doubted the positive effects that some EA fat-cash (tm) could have for smaller, more imaginative developers, look at Skate for example. EA have been putting their fingers in all the right pies lately, what with Rock Band currently reminding me of just how bad Guitar Hero 3 really is and some lovely looking new IP in the forms of Dead Space and Mirror's Edge. I wanted to refrain from the old shenanigans of just posting and commenting on game play vids, but here are some frankly stunning game play vids, and these words are my comments on them.
The Mirror's Edge one is a tad old, but I promised 'ol Rightbullets that I'd post it ages ago, yet I couldn't find a good enough reason to do so. The Dead Space videos are as fresh as the blood that covers every inch of the screen and do more than enough to convince me that EA are headed in the right direction. That on-screen display, that art design and the wondrous, wondrous sound. I am very, very excited for Dead Space. Mirror's Edge too, but I'm pretty sure I blew that load when I posted the screenshots.
The Faux Bot
Sunday, 22 June 2008
This could so easily be just a case of some guys knocking out a range of shirts with Street Fighter screen prints on them. However, the fact that the first set of tees are being built around the theme of Shadowloo -Bison's crime syndicate- suggests that Triumvir are taking this more seriously, looking to communicate with fans of the series, rather than simply cash in on the name. This, coupled with their delightfully nostalgic blog is more than enough to get me excited. I love the idea that the popular culture that I personally grew up with can now see new light through re-interpretation and re-appropriation. I'm not going to get all postmodern on yo' asses here, I'll refrain from that and keep it simple. I fucking love Street Fighter 2 and I want to see it on t-shirts. I'll keep the postmodern recycling slant for future essays. Should also mention that Shadowloo theme equals maximum potential for the inclusion of Cammy. Enough said.
As I mentioned before, it's partly down to the nostalgic blog that I am so much more interested in these t-shirts. I too have fond memories of Street Fighter 2's arcade cabinets. Brynmawr Chip Shop had one and I sank more 50p's into that thing than I ever spent on FA cup sticker collections and Hubba Bubba's combined. Childhood was incredible and it wouldn't have been the same without Street Fighter 2. It's so pleasing to know that we weren't the only kids who replicated the moves in the playground, I just wonder if anyone else got their mates to do the energy bars for them, now that's the innocence of youth right there.
Check that blog here:
The Faux Bot
I'm referring to the sale of WOW (World of Warcraft) accounts over the internet to people presumably too lazy to level up their own characters. It happens, and everyone who knows the game knows it happens, but are they aware of the cost?
http://www.buymmoaccounts.com/ has a list of characters for sale with full statistic info for those who wish to circumnavigate the laborious task of starting from the beginning and getting straight to kicking ass. I for one would love to know who utilizes such avenues. Money no object? Flex your online muscle with a Lv 70 Blood elf Priest for $1149.00, or a Lv 70 Dwarf Priest for $1099.00.
Slightly further down the scale you can get a lesser character for around the $800 mark.
If you're in the market for a high level 'bargain' I'd jump all over the Lv 70 Gnome Warlock for the low low price of $399.00. How this is still on the site is beyond me! What a giveaway.
Ah, who has such a love for the game and so much money to fritter away? What kind of satisfaction could possibly be gleaned from cleaning up online with a character you had no input in the creation of? I cant imagine a more hollow victory, its like punching out a six year old.
I'm amazed and bewildered at the same time- if you can't be bothered or simply don't have the time to level up surely its not the game for you.
The level 70 Dwarf Priest was happy with his price although still felt something of a whore being passed user to user.
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Mr 'ZoopSoul' has taken the time to film some of the best videos I've seen on the subject, with, I hasten to add, funny as hell commentaries to boot! Currently 84 videos in his repertoire makes his video collection pretty comprehensive, and with their help I'm convinced the 410 gamer-points I've accrued so far will soon increase in size much like my little Katamari.
Roll on my crazy friend.
Monday, 16 June 2008
1. Try out new and exciting pasta combinations:
Beefburger, sundried tomato and red pesto is fucking amazing. It really shouldn't be. If I had MGS4, I would have settled for some plain old Italian sausage combo. With an open and uncluttered mind I was able to see just how fantastically diverse the humble burger is and how it perfectly sits side by side with the acidity of the tomato.
2. Perfect your Liquid/Solid Snake impressions:
It may only serve to increase your sense of emptiness in the short term, but after a while you will begin to realise that there is no greater satisfaction than confusing your family and co-workers with a pitch perfect delivery of a gruff "A HIND-D!?" or a deliriously camp "WELCOME BROTHER!".
Pop Fact: Cam Clarke has the best voice ever! He's not in MGS4 though. What a load of crap.
3. Play Rock Band:
It's better than Guitar Hero 3 in every conceivable way. Queens of The Stone Age's 'Sick, Sick, Sick' is an absolute motherfucker but also the most satisfying rhythm-action experience I've ever had. First guitar, then drums and mic. If you're British you may start to think that alternatively, you are half way to affording that PS3 with MGS. Don't look back now, stay strong and forget the past. You've achieved so much!
4. Watch a movie:
You'd be sitting still watching the bloody things for hours on end anyway. Replicate the Metal Gear experience on the cheap by playing Splinter Cell for 15 minutes at a time and then watching the Lord of the Rings Director's cuts in the breaks.
5. Watch Metal Gear Awesome for the 100th time:
Because it is just that. (Awesome) *heh*
6. Find a friend and watch him play it:
If you can find a friend with the game, invite yourself over their house, get the kettle on and settle in for the day. The odds are that he is better at it than you are anyway, plus you won't have to deal with any of the frustration. Sit back, shout things like "hide in that bin!?" bust out some of your well-practiced impressions and try to figure out what that little monkey is all about.
The Faux Bot
Sunday, 8 June 2008
To get you warmed up; a GTA IV flavoured treat, courtesy of those rapscallions over at Gamesradar. Just when I was reaching the end of my tether with their excessive GTA coverage, GR post this slice of postmodern comic genius. Alright, maybe I'm over-selling it a little, but whichever way you look at it, GTA + Naked Gun = Awesome.
The Faux Bot
Sunday, 1 June 2008
I kid, really I do. I shouldn't toy with paedophilic humour, but if you know the song and you've seen the video then you'll have to admit that this headline is the wittiest thing I've conjured up in ages.
This kid absolutely destroys Enter Sandman's drum track on expert and I can't help but be a bit jealous. Not only because I can't afford my own Rock Band set up, but because there's no way I'd have the talent or patience to get this good. I suppose the only thing that comforts me is that Little Stevie here, or whatever his damn name is, clearly has to drum his way into daddy's affections. No shirt, skinny as hell. What does that tell you? That the only way to get good at Rhythm Action games is HARD WORK, something that Stevie's dad knows all about. Sure, he's cold and hungry now, but when he earns that shirt after 100% completion of And Justice For All... he'll know its true value. Work hard now, sit on stacks of cash and women with your very own shirt when you reach the top of the international leaderboards.
Is he doing the kick pedal as well? I can't figure out how that works. It looks hard enough with just the four pads.
Also, Youtube now hosts a number of videos of guys who have filmed their girlfriends playing Wii Fit in their underwear, but I'm not going to post them here, we're far too high-brow for that.
Sunday, 25 May 2008
The Faux Bot
Friday, 23 May 2008
Now we find ourselves in the wake of the generation they influenced. The 'green' mentality is all around us and whether the figures would show it or not, as a society we are far more conscious of our effect on the environment. We drink fruit smoothies, sort our plastics from our tins and buy 'bags for life'. So with even the huge mega-evil capitalist bastard supermarkets ramming environmentalism down our throats and choking us on our own excess of carrier bags, what place is there left for an institution such as Greenpeace? Surely, their work is done.
Not quite, you see there are a lot of people on the pay roll, so to maintain income and their reputation they find other things to moan about. If I was in charge of such a waning institution, I'd find some sort of 'hot topic' to latch onto, you know, to propel the name back into the public sphere. Something like a retail sector that "saw a 14 percent growth over the last year" to quote Greenpeace themselves. Something like....videogames.
Apparently games consoles are toxic. That's what Greenpeace seem to think and if their slick new advert with latex gloves and high tech machinery is anything to go by, well, it must be true. I mean, look at the editing, it's all fast and it has 'beats' for the soundtrack. Yeah! C'mon all you hip kids! Send your console back to Nintendo, write them a letter about how they have to 'cool out' and use greener plastics and find some of those processor boards that mother nature so kindly provides on trees, then go outside and paint a mural with all your eclectic friends.
So why is it so bad if they are toxic? Apparently, "Once they’ve reached the end of useful life, game consoles are often dumped and end up in unsafe and dirty recycling yards in developing countries" Yep. Guilty as charged. Hands up, gamers. Now how many have you have willingly thrown out your £160+ worth of console this year? What, none of you!? Ahh come on, we're the middle classes, we throw out expensive equipment all the time, especially when they reach the end of their lives. After all, this generation has been going for a whole THREE YEARS! That's nearly a millennia! Sarcasm aside, this just shows how tragically out of touch Greenpeace are, which is further highlighted by their trivialisation of consoles in general; stating that, "Ironically, despite being used for playing games, game consoles are not classified as toys." This is what happens when you switch off the TV and start reading The Observer - you become a cultural fuckwitt and join Greenpeace.
Douchebaggery in full: http://www.greenpeace.org/international/clashoftheconsoles/
The Faux Bot
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
So, with another exhaustingly long and convoluted introduction out of the way, I'll get to making my point. Usually, I frown at sequels, but this year promises some incredible treats, the kind that bypass my usual cynicism and instead see me revert to the mentality of a frothed-up ten year old at Christmas (for similar results see Me at Christmas). "What's in the sequel sack?" I hear you ask.
Viva Pinata: Trouble in paradise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gears of War 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, Gears and Fable are going to be the unstoppable behemoths that we all expect them to be and no excitement will be required on our parts because the sheer saturation of hype will work its way into us just like osmosis. It's rare that I give a shit about a sequel that isn't prefixed by the titles Shenmue, Jet Set Radio or Grand Theft Auto. Times they are a' changin'. We all gushed over how fantastic a year for gaming 2007 turned out to be, but with these treats on the horizon along with Mirrors Edge, Dead Space, Alone in The Dark, Castle Crashers and Littlebigplanet, to name but a few, 2008 is already shaping up to snatch that crown away in record time.
I'll refrain from saying I've got a semi.
But, I have got a semi.
The Faux Bot
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
I'm struggling to think of ways to eloquently put this, so I'll just go right ahead and say it: WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!? Dropping the radio from the phone is one thing, but that's a whole game feature, one that could cause any number of problems. I have enough trouble with people ringing me during 3 star wanted ratings as it is, the last thing I need is that lovable bell-end Lazlow to be thrown into the mix. But to drop a pair of gloves. C'mon, that's just weird. And frustrating. They actually do alot to propel Nico into near-iconic status and Rockstar just decided to drop them. Just plain odd. Lost for words, so time to stop. Let me know if you find them though.
The Faux Bot
Look, I'm sorry, I don't want to be the one to crash the party, but I can't help thinking that maybe this footage of the new Banjo Kazooie game looks a bit - for want of a better term - rubbish. I have fond memories of the N64 and particularly Rare's sumptuous 3D platforming delights, but this looks like Banjo HD and nothing more. I'm sure I'm probably judging it a little too early and that in time some genuinely interesting elements will come to light. But for now the bricolage environments, the achingly-retro character designs are all far too dated for me to get excited about. Still, at least they announced a sequel to Viva Pinata, which on my potential sequel scale ranks as number 3, look:
1. Jet Set Radio 3
2. Shenmue 3
3. Viva Pinata 2
The Faux Bot
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
I often wonder what it would be like if gaming achievements had more ‘real-world’ influence. For example; would Tommy from Arizona get laid by the girl of his dreams from college if she knew he’d done the Mile High level of Call of Duty 4 on Veteran difficulty? If it were somehow displayed on his shirt as a visible badge of honor to anyone who’d played the game? The answer is probably not; as the chances are she doesn’t give a shit. But what if she did? What if she knew all about it and if she knew that it took him only two attempts she’d be all over him like a wasp in a bin?
OK, so its an odd example I admit, but with thousands of people spending hours upon hours gaming online, moving up leaderboards and leveling up characters I often think about how far removed it actually is from everything else and if it'll ever be any different? I wonder how many level 10 COD prestige players I’ve passed in the street, or how many times I’ve sat next to someone on a bus who has all their final fantasy characters at level 99? I wonder if gaming achievements will ever be worth more? When the guys at the top of the leaderboards step outside their front doors all their effort counts for sweet F.A. It just doesn’t seem right.
For someone such as myself for who fiction and reality are pretty much the same anyway, it wouldn’t be a big leap to see people’s gamertags and usernames floating above their heads as they walk down the street. Not standing out, just as the norm, like on the television screen.
Hopefully the future will bring me all the odd and unlikely things I desire, although I think it’ll take a while for my sci-fi-esq fantasies to become reality. That said, if the masses are reluctant the rest of us will still be able to see what we chose with our optical prosthetics.
I’m not insane.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
This one's for you, mon frere.
The Faux Bot
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Dean is a very talented young man who has worked very hard to put a dark past behind him. Despite several years of 'easy money' thanks to his skills as a people trafficker, he has turned his life around in favour of more wholesome pursuits. I can't stand the idea of him not producing some more work like this, so for God's sake, if your reading this and you know of any outlet for his talent, please email me.
The Faux Bot
Very rarely do my two worlds converge, so imagine my fanboyish glee when I saw these.
What you're looking at are a range of Sega-inspired t-shirts from Japanese streetwear label Uniqlo. It's doubtful that they'll ever make their way over here to the U.K, but if you can read Japanese, they're available for 1,500 Yen over at the Uniqlo Japan Webstore. Failing that, get on the eBays. Other auction sites are available. I call dibs on the House of the Dead one.
The Faux Bot
Thursday, 17 April 2008
The Faux Bot
Monday, 14 April 2008
Normally, I'd be overjoyed at this announcement, but with GTAIV arriving just 12 days after, I'll be hard pushed to give a fuck. It's like they timed it to make themselves look worse, as if they purposely want to be overshadowed by a game that offers much in the same way of vicarious criminal thrills, just with far more competence. Poor IO, let's hope they can get it together for a fixed sequel, or at least a new Hitman game. Far overdue in my opinion. Gimme Hitman.
Also, GTA IV.
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
Sunday, 6 April 2008
So, I hope you like it and that for once, I can show you all something new.
Essentially, what I want to show is evidence of something that I've always maintained: gaming is the only truly underdeveloped art form that we have left. Cinema, literature and music have all peaked, and whilst many make the effort to reinterpret past forms in consistently innovative ways, it can all be traced back through a fairly linear path. Videogames have yet to realize their full potential, and no matter how sceptical you are, you would surely find it almost impossible to argue that this current generation of games has not shown us things that years ago we would have never dreamed of. The real beauty of it is that as it continues to evolve, it also goes on to influence other facets of culture. Here are some of my favourites so far.
I'd like to start with a bit of a reminder:
I've harped on about my love for Paul Robertson's films for quite a while now. To me, he is the personification of a generation influenced by the language of video games. His animation style overflows with character and intertextual references to videogaming as a whole. His characters innocuously level up and dish out the kind of super moves that will make Marvel vs. Capcom fans squeal with delight. He has a new film out called Kings of Power 4 Billion% which is incredible. Here's the trailer:
And here's a link to download the whole thing, if you know what's good for ya! http://probertson.livejournal.com/
Next up, a little bit of Chiptune. I have to admit, I've criminally overlooked the whole Chiptune thing for far too long. I guess I've always been reluctant to indulge in any 'scene' because they're just so disposable and you'll always feel dirty and embarrassed when it all blows over and you have to get rid of your ironic fringe. Thankfully, this sort of music seems like it is going from strength to strength. You only have to pay attention to the music in Paul Robertson's films to see how it is being mixed with live instruments to make something different. In the simplest terms, Chiptune describes music created using existing videogame hardware, more often than not, old Gameboys and NES systems. This trailer for a documentary exploring the scene should provide a more than adequate introduction for you. It's called 'Reformat the Planet' and if you want to learn more, get scouring those torrent sites for a download, or start pestering your local arthouse cinema and get them to screen it.
I hope I've at least managed to introduce you to some new things here and I'll be relying on you for feedback when you see me. Just let me know if you like the slight change and encourage me to carry it on. This is just as much an introduction for me as it may be to most of you, but I'm going to do my best to explore more of the culture that videogames has influenced and bring it to you, on here.
Thanks for reading.
The Faux Bot -turn off the lights, and I glow! COD4 No.1 GANGSTA
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
The user vids section of gametrailers.com turned this pair of gems today though. Salivate away, ya dogs!
An interview with what I can only describe as some sort of Gay Warlock. I don't know what he's talking about, but you can see some in-game footage of Resident Evil 5.
A slide show of screens from GTAIV's multiplayer. Not sure which of the proposed 16 modes this is, but it's nice to see it's a reality. Reminds of of Kane & Lynch, hopefully it will heal the wounds that game left on me.
Also, everyone please give a big Split-Screen welcome to The Mowley and thank him for sharing his cherry-popping experiences with us as well as inadvertently showing me how to use the labels system on this website. I think I only overlooked it for about 5 months maybe. *sigh*
The Faux Bot
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