Monday, 20 July 2009

The Fallout 3 Wasteland Survival Guide

Whether you're playing through for a second time, like myself, or you're just starting, it is worth baring in mind that Fallout 3 should not be taken lightly. It's the kind of game that keeps you up until 5 in the morning, causes minutes to turn into hours and occasionally, will make you forget the importance of peeing.

Considering myself a 'seasoned' player, I thought that I should share some of my knowledge with you. This guide will not so much help you survive within the game, but help you survive in the real world as you play it. Take heed of my warnings and listen closely, for many nuggets of wisdom shall be falling from my mouth.

Chapter 1: Essential Supplies

COFFEE.Drinking alot of coffee is an admirable and upstanding vice to have. Coffee tastes amazing, stimulates your bowels and helps you to wake up. What's not to like? Coffee will help you remain sharp, stay awake for longer and regulate your 'toilet times', making it the perfect stimulant for long sessions exploring the wasteland. I personally recommend that you filter your own - Jamaican Blue Mountain if you have it. If not, prolonged drinking will allow you to develop an obsession so severe, that seeking out such a level of quality will become a top priority. Enjoy your addiction, friend.


The problem with Coffee is that it isn't very hydrating. Keep some bottled water handy just in case. Note the importance of having it in a bottle - this makes you feel a bit more like a survivor and enhances your experience.


Playing Fallout 3 for too long may result in mild depression, stemming from the bleakness and brutality that you face in the Capital Wasteland. Stave off this feeling with a flashcard featuring some neon colours or a picture of cute animals. A combination of the two is preferable, but a glance at either will remind you that the real world isn't quite as bleak.


Whilst there are many things that make Kyuss an amazing band, perhaps my favourite part is that they sound like they come from the desert. Their music has provided me with the perfect accompaniment for the wasteland, setting the tone whenever I've tired of 3-Dog or President Eden. Pick any album, really, but my personal favourite is Welcome to Sky Valley.


If you don't own a pair of 'lounge pants' or pyjama bottoms, I highly recommend that you go invest in a pair right now. Always comfortable and stylish, the lounge pant has all the benefits of regular trousers, combined with all the benefits of your regular underwear. Sitting around for hours on end is made all the more comfortable with some fantastic lounge pants. They also afford you easy access to your tackle, should you find time to go to the toilet. Perhaps the best part though, is that no matter how comatose you become, there is no danger of someone walking in on you, with your balls hanging out. You know what I mean, right? You're focusing on the game, your ball pops out and you don't notice until a horrified family member or disgusted girlfriend walks in. Seriously, I cannot stress the importance of lounge pants.

Well, that's it for Chapter 1, I'll be back with Chapter 2 as soon as I decide what it should be. Suggestions desperately needed, comment below.

The Faux Bot


vandalworks said...

haha genious! about kyuss sounding like they came from the desert, they pretty much did. their jam sessions were always held outside in the desert where they had an open sound. one of my fave bands of all time=]

hate coffer. hate water. nice pants.

still havent played fallout, does look good but my attention span with games at the moment is a hobbit-like. as in short. have received ghostbusters tho=]

Split-Screen said...

Awesome! You play it yet? I heard it was so-so. The zero punctuation review made it sound a bit frustrating, but I like the idea of importing it just to 'stick it to the man'.

As for Fallout, man I cannot recommend it highly enough. Just ask anyone how painfully short my attention span is, and it holds me. Imagine Mad Max meets Pleastantville. Badass.

Bojack85 said...

Im painfully embarassed that I have owned Fallout 3 since release and I havent even left Megaton. As soon as my holiday starts I'm stocking up on the coffee and kittens and not leaving till I rack up at least 40 hours!!

The Razors Edge said...

Such a great game, you deffinitly need kittens and coffee, perhaps even a smoke and a pancake, it's just that good.