Pizza = Health

Attributing memories to facets of popular culture is by no means strange behaviour in this age. Undoubtedly we all associate certain emotions and memories with particular books, music, films and of course, games. Throughout my childhood, one genre stuck with me and continues to have a profound effect on me even now. My undying love for the scrolling beat-em-up is what made me cream in my shorts the first time I saw Castle Crashers or the first time I saw the animations of Paul Robertson. These games come from the time that made Capcom and Konami the giants that they are today. They made games that defined my childhood and for that, I will be eternally grateful. Without further ado, I want to share some of my favourite games with you and the memories that are linked to them.

The Simpsons (Arcade) by Konami



Before I became a stereotypical postmodern smart-arse, The Simpsons was pure comedy because Homer was silly and Bart was rad. Whilst this seems like a cheap, obscure cash-in now, back then I cared not about how this game simply didn't fit with the genius of the show's writing. I was young and didn't care. Right on. No matter how snobbish I get though, I cannot repress my love for this game. Just watching the playthrough and listening to the theme tune rendered in just sixteen bits brings back fond memories of the time I spent in the seaside arcades of Tenby. I cared not for seaside trinkets or souveniers. I converted whatever money I was given into fifty pence coins and went hell for leather. My parents were always disappointed that I never had 'much to show' for my time spent on holidays. Shows what they knew.

My love for The Simpsons leads on wonderfully to the next game in this nostalgia trip. I never had Satellite TV, so my only exposure to The Simpsons before it hit BBC2 and Channel 4 was renting the videos from the now sadly departed Clubs Video. Situated just a short walk from my house, Clubs Video was the best place in the world next to Tenby. Not only could I rent Simpsons videos, but I could also get a 20p mix-up and play on their arcade cabinet:

Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (Arcade) by Capcom



I had no idea where the hell this game came from. I have since learned that it was based upon a series of comic books created by Mark Schultz. Apparently it had figures, chocolate bars and a TV Series, but my only exposure to the licence was the Capcom arcade game. It took the standard Final Fight template, but mixed it up with vehicle sections and the fact that you could punch a raptor in the face. My love of all things post-apocalyptic could have been subconsciously spawned by this game as watching the playthrough now has me fawning over the decaying cityscapes and Road Warrior character stylings.

Sunset Riders (Arcade) by Konami



My local Leisure Centre was hardly a 'hot spot' for video games, what with it being the kind of place that should be encouraging kids to be more physically active. However, they still saw fit to sell trays of chips stacked to the heavens and have an arcade cabinet nestled between the vending machines. That cabinet just happened to house Sunset Riders.

Just as much of a shooter as it was a brawler, Konami's Sunset riders took a bold direction: moving the scrolling beat-em-up out of the familiar territories of dystopian American cities and licensed properties, and took it into the wild west of our father's youths. Chip-greased buttons and frantic yells as we ran on top of the stampedes were the order of the day and how could I forget "bury me with my money" which possibly made me piss myself twice as hard now as it did then.

Guardian Heroes (Saturn) by Treasure



One of the first pieces I ever bullied Bojack into writing here was his very own love letter to this somewhat forgotten gem. Whilst this came along a lot later in my life and it wasn't housed within an arcade cabinet, it still brings back fond memories. Countless Saturdays were spent watching Bojack beast this game. I would hardly ever play, but we would both stare at a 14 inch portable TV for hours on end, until my head was pounding from the eye strain. I adore this game, not just for it's superb design, but also because it reminds me of good times with one of my brothers.

The game's legacy lives on through The Behemoth's Castle Crashers. Crashers is in many ways a spiritual sequel, taking on Guardian Heroes weapons, levelling and RPG elements and reconfiguring them with a genuine sense of affection. The game featured sublime animation, character design and music and is easily my most sought-after title. As soon as I get my hands on that Saturn, I'll be hunting for this game morning, noon and night.

I'm sure there are games out there that hold special sentiment for all of us. This was but a small selection of mine and barring some sort of backlash for my outpouring of sentimentality, this will be one of many such features.

The Faux Bot

Go home and be a family man

You know who's awesome? cr0nt, that's who. You may have noticed him making a few comments lately and he has become a welcome addition to the site. Anyway, I mention in passing that I was thinking of getting a forum; just so you guys can conveniently talk amongst yourselves, start debates, make suggestions without the restrictions of specific comments sections. I mentioned this. BAM! Five minutes later and I'm presented with a link to our very own forum. Shower this man with praise and go sign up. Start some topics, give us some ideas and most importantly, enjoy it. It's for you guys.

I'm flattered and honoured to have this. Thanks, cr0nt. You sir, rule.

Sign up or die!

The link will be permanently on the left-hand side of the blog for hereon in.

The Faux Bot

Guns for Toys (?)

A special toy post this week as it's going to feature the bits and pieces that have filled the cups of The Faux Bot and Bojack85 over the last year or so.

First off some Metal Gear Solid goodies in the forms of Real Action Heroes, Big Boss, Raiden and Old Snake:

I think we can all agree Real Action Heroes make a good toy. A toy you'd be happy to explain to any child why they couldn't touch it let alone play with it, knowing full well you'd just spent the best part of an hour hovering it around the work desk making 'combat noises'. It's completely different though, people of our maturity can appreciate figures on so many more levels than your average 9 year old. Nooch. These Mediacom beauts don't come cheap now though, the Raiden 12" seems be be going for $200 and over on eBay.

Regular figures not cutting it for you these days? Yearning for the bronze statues of times past? Mindzeye Studios have heard your call and released some bronze style Gears characters. OK, so its not life-size but still pretty good I think you'll find. The kind of figure of Marcus Fenix the queen might collect.

Look at him there. Striking. I can't say too much about Gears as it seems looking through the merchandise has stirred up some pretty emotional stuff I thought I was over regarding Dom and Maria. Why do they always take the good ones ;_;.

Last but not least, Nintendo Monopoly. I don't know what to say except I'm giving some serious thought to getting this. Look at it! It's like old, shit monopoly, but with a Nintendo theme! An amazon seller has it for 26 clams which is a little steep, but a quick Google search will find you a set for 20.

The pewter pieces are Mario’s Cap, Link’s Iron Boots, Hylian Shield, Donkey Kong’s Barrel, Koopa Shell and NES Controller.

Game anyone?

Justtherightbullets.

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 3

Alright, I'll admit it. The second part of Episode 2 kinda went AWOL, and we're still asking you to endure with our poor sound quality, but what we lack in professionalism, we make up for in AWESOME! Yes, that's right, 'AWESOME' is a quantifiable measure. It has a scale and everything.

So, here is Episode 3. The sound is.....varied, there's 2 whole minutes of awkward Bojack85 love and we announce a new competition. What more do you want? Bad Albion-esque accents, you say? Boy, are you in for a treat!

Download:

MEGAUPLOAD

Stream/Download:

Last.FM

Seriously though, any home recording tips?

The Faux Bot

Scott Pilgrim: The Game!

I know there's a few of us here that a big fans of Bryan Lee O'Maley's Scott Pilgrim comics. You may have heard that it's currently being made into a film by none other than Edgar Wright, who again, I know a lot of us are big fans of.

The best thing about the movie adaptation is perhaps that the franchise gets 'marketing guys'. And we all know what 'marketing guys' love, don't we? That's right: VIDEO GAME TIE-INS! Appropriately, the game will take the form of a side-scrolling beat-em-up that will be downloadble: presumbly through PSN and XBLA. There are no more details yet, but Ubisoft are expected to make a full announcement in the week.

Whether it uses O'Malley's graphic style, or imagery from the live-action counterpart is yet to be seen. Hopefully it'll be the former and O'Malley will be heavily involved. It's awesome to see Scott Pilgrim becoming a videogame, especially as the comic itself is so heavily influenced by gaming. Should be a match made in heaven.

via /Film


The Faux Bot

Super Duper Hyper Ultra Omni Combo!!!!!!!

While on my daily visit to one of my favourite game websites I managed to come across this little gem of a video uploaded into the user section, not to mention that it also fits in nicely with a certain tournement currently taking place and one which I will (COUGH) WIN! (COUGH) .....sorry about that might be swine flu. Anyway this video was created and presented at the recent EVO 2k9 Street Fighter Tournement and it clearly shows a hardcore veteran who goes by the alias of "Mej" peforming some unbelieveably high combos with Ryu in the majority of games he's appeared in from the original Street Fighter to some of the less loved games of the series such as the 3D Street Fighter EX series. If theres one thing I've learned from this video after watching it is that I have bearly began to even scratch the surface of what some of these characters are capable of and I dont know about the rest of you but I hope I never run into this person on Xbox Live. See for yourselfs!!

Video Games | Ryu Combos Evo 2k9

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Bojack85

8-Bit Weezer

During my day job, the in-store radio torments me with all sorts of shit that could be considered akin to water torture. Lady Gaga, Pussycat Dolls and Akon are just some of the insufferable cunts that I have to endure on a daily basis. Now, not that they are in any way out of my line of fire, but at least hearing La Roux's new single the other day prompted a decent conversation.

My workmate commented upon the use of 8-bit synths which prompted me to start harping on about chiptune. I promised him that I'd post something about it for his benefit and I'm a man of my word, so here it is. If, like him, you have no idea what I'm going on about, just go do the obvious first: Wikipedia

Then, enjoy this delightfully odd chiptune Weezer cover album, produced by some of the genre's most esteemed performers.



Download here!

The Faux Bot

Family Comics

When I'm not desperately trying to entertain in this little corner of the Internet, I can usually be found working on comics with fellow Split-Screener: justtherightbullets. Anyway, despite all of the comics being drawn using pixels (a style which I'm still working hard to develop) it's not until now did I feel that I could justify posting it on a blog that is meant to be about videogames.

I know I'm not the only one with Monkey Island on the brain, so I thought it was time to share. Click the link for more, and pop it in your favourites. You do want to see how it ends, right?

Click to embiggen

Family Comics

The Faux Bot

A nerd by any other name..

Being a self-proclaimed 'proud' nerd is something that comes with time; time that allows you to find your own particular nerd niche, something that can only be discovered by indulging in as many nerdy pursuits as possible. It should go without saying then, that at one point in my life, I painted and collected Citadel Miniatures, for use with Warhammer 40,000 and it's counterparts.

Chaos Demons, Space Orks, Space Wolves - at the tender age of 13 these were about as rad as it got. I cared not about my social standing, because all of my friends loved them too. Whilst I've not dabbled in the hobby for some time now, it's seeing images like the ones below that tempts me back towards it. If I had the time and the money, I probably would have already.

Rob Jedi is some sort of custom model genius, given that he's outfitted his band of pirates with their very own Big Daddy-inspired steampunk robo-suit.





These are probably the coolest miniatures I've ever seen and he's gone the extra mile by making an accompanying Little Sister too. Kudos.


It has to be said, that these images have rekindled my love for the hobby like nothing else, but, I shall remain dedicated to videogames and wonder out loud "what the hell happened to that Blood Bowl game!?"



Update to self - it came out already, but only on PC, then PSP and DS!

The Faux Bot

The Split-Screen Street Fighter IV Tournament: Round 6: FIGHT!

Well, Gentlemen. The scores are getting increasingly interesting, wouldn't you say? I know that time is getting on now, but this week we get to see a truly almighty match-up. This week, the mighty Vandalworks will battle the equally mighty J JOHNSON! Can you believe it?! No, me neither. But it's happening. So keep practicing and keep having fun. Right now we are toying with the idea of skipping the second load of match-ups so that we can get to the finals quicker. Once everyone has played each other once, then we may move into the eliminations. What say you? We'll be going with the majority on this one, so make yourself heard below.

Here's where we all stand:


And here's this week's fights:

The Faux Bot vs therightbullets
Bojack85 vs NaFunk
ULTIMATE GMX vs Prof Membrain
J JOHNSON vs vandalworks

Mike Haggar for Mayor!

The Faux Bot

The Fallout 3 Wasteland Survival Guide

Whether you're playing through for a second time, like myself, or you're just starting, it is worth baring in mind that Fallout 3 should not be taken lightly. It's the kind of game that keeps you up until 5 in the morning, causes minutes to turn into hours and occasionally, will make you forget the importance of peeing.

Considering myself a 'seasoned' player, I thought that I should share some of my knowledge with you. This guide will not so much help you survive within the game, but help you survive in the real world as you play it. Take heed of my warnings and listen closely, for many nuggets of wisdom shall be falling from my mouth.

Chapter 1: Essential Supplies

COFFEE.Drinking alot of coffee is an admirable and upstanding vice to have. Coffee tastes amazing, stimulates your bowels and helps you to wake up. What's not to like? Coffee will help you remain sharp, stay awake for longer and regulate your 'toilet times', making it the perfect stimulant for long sessions exploring the wasteland. I personally recommend that you filter your own - Jamaican Blue Mountain if you have it. If not, prolonged drinking will allow you to develop an obsession so severe, that seeking out such a level of quality will become a top priority. Enjoy your addiction, friend.

BOTTLED WATER.


The problem with Coffee is that it isn't very hydrating. Keep some bottled water handy just in case. Note the importance of having it in a bottle - this makes you feel a bit more like a survivor and enhances your experience.

BRIGHT COLOURS/SOMETHING NICE.


Playing Fallout 3 for too long may result in mild depression, stemming from the bleakness and brutality that you face in the Capital Wasteland. Stave off this feeling with a flashcard featuring some neon colours or a picture of cute animals. A combination of the two is preferable, but a glance at either will remind you that the real world isn't quite as bleak.

ANYTHING BY KYUSS.



Whilst there are many things that make Kyuss an amazing band, perhaps my favourite part is that they sound like they come from the desert. Their music has provided me with the perfect accompaniment for the wasteland, setting the tone whenever I've tired of 3-Dog or President Eden. Pick any album, really, but my personal favourite is Welcome to Sky Valley.

LOUNGE PANTS.


If you don't own a pair of 'lounge pants' or pyjama bottoms, I highly recommend that you go invest in a pair right now. Always comfortable and stylish, the lounge pant has all the benefits of regular trousers, combined with all the benefits of your regular underwear. Sitting around for hours on end is made all the more comfortable with some fantastic lounge pants. They also afford you easy access to your tackle, should you find time to go to the toilet. Perhaps the best part though, is that no matter how comatose you become, there is no danger of someone walking in on you, with your balls hanging out. You know what I mean, right? You're focusing on the game, your ball pops out and you don't notice until a horrified family member or disgusted girlfriend walks in. Seriously, I cannot stress the importance of lounge pants.

Well, that's it for Chapter 1, I'll be back with Chapter 2 as soon as I decide what it should be. Suggestions desperately needed, comment below.

The Faux Bot

Make like opinionated fishermen...

...and cast your votes!

Right, now I'm trying something new here, so please humour me. I'm very sensitive and not playing along could cause me to feel very unwanted, cast aside like yesterday's jam. The announcement of the COD:MW2 Prestige Edition has caused a little bit of a debate, no doubt between several groups of friends, over just who would be willing to pony up the £120 needed to own this lavish set.

This is where you have to play along......

Cast your vote using the hi-tech opinion poll thingy below and watch as your opinion pulses through the internets, sending shockwaves of information that could shake Activision to it's very core.

Basically, I just want to know what you all think. Now get voting. I know you're reading this. It's not like you have to sign up or anything. You see, if you're reading this and not participating, then that makes you a lurker, and do you know what happens to lurkers in prison? That's right. They get bummed. Vigorously and often.



Now, why not go the extra mile and explain your decision in the comments? I love you.

The Faux Bot

Modern Warfare 2 Prestige edition update.

As you could probably tell from comments I made on previous posts regarding the prestige edition of Modern Warfare 2, I was initially a huge skeptic over the build quality and functionality of the NVGs contained within the pack. This said, I genuinely hoped to be surprised, as like every male born into the world I see NVGs at somewhere near the pinnacle of the man-toy mountain.

Today came the first hint that they might just be OK. On sale from HMV (Pre-order) with a few bits of info thrown in, most interesting of which is: "See in absolute darkness up to 50 feet".

50 feet is about 15 meters, which isn't enough to hunt or go to war with, but seeing as your average gamer wont be using them for this, I think it's pretty good for close quarters use or creeping around the house and frightening your girlfriend in the middle of the night ^_^. Good fun.

Pre-Order me here

More to come.

Edit: Is it odd HMV have this as an exclusive?

JTRB

Project: GAME OVER

In all my procrastination I've never actually gotten around to re-buying some of my older, beloved consoles. Topping the wish list at the moment would be the original NES and the dreamy Sega Saturn. Needless to say, If i did own either console, the last thing I would do would be to start dicking around and modifying them to suit my own twisted designs. But the French, well, they just always have to make a point, don't they? Oh wait, that's not a stereotype is it? Bugger. Well, then, as they say, only in France.....

OMFG! What is that!? Zombie SNES!? Seriously though, how cool is this? It's like someone went into my head and combined two of my greatest loves! Oh wait, that already happened:

Whilst I struggle to restrain myself from unleashing an almighty nostalgia trip, enjoy some more pictures of this wonderfully hideous creation.

As you all know: anything that has eyeballs on it is instantly RAD! Trying to find out more about this project was a task, seeing as it's all in French. But, If you want to make the effort, just go here and translate. All I know is that it looks incredible and it still works.

Googling it will just leave you with results for the real Game Over Project - an art project by some Swiss cheeses that uses stop-motion animation and real people instead of pixels, to re-create some of our most beloved, classic games. All can be seen on their Youtube channel, so I'll leave you with the Tetris one to get started. Adorable, ain't it?



The Faux Bot

You've got red on you...

There are a fair few occasions when I both regret and want to punch myself in the balls for not getting a decent gaming PC together. Despite the fact that all my communal gaming takes place on XBOX Live, I'd be able to tear myself away for some of the fantastic user-created mods for games such as Left 4 Dead. If you know me, then you'll know all about my constant nerd-boner for all things Zombie, be it Romero's finest work (everything except 'Diary') and the ever-brilliant Shaun of The Dead.


So, as if someone were trying to rub it in: they've only gone and made a Shaun mod for Left 4 Dead. The bastards. Looks awesome, right?

left4winchester

The Faux Bot

Game humor.

The following is a report for a 105 day suspension from a high school for what I can only describe as 'World of Warcraft antics'. Found via Skull Swap. Kudos to the Faux Bot for finding the website a few weeks ago ^_^.

The report reads: "Khai was running around yelling 'seal of command fades, I cast seal of command, I cast holy shock'. He then punched a boy in the mouth and yelled 'Hammer of Justice'."

JTRB

The Split-Screen Street Fighter IV Tournament: Round 5 - FIGHT!

This week I want to send out a special thank you to NaFunk. His courage and determination is a inspiration to us all. I've also noticed this week that there is a distinct lack of trash talking going on! What's the matter pussies? Too scared to call me out in the comments box, huh? Hopefully it'll ramp up when the finals begin to close in. But for now, the order is self-deprecation and good old-fashioned sportsmanship. If I'm honest, that's the way I like it. So bravo gentlemen, bravo.

As always, here's the table as it stands:


And this round's fixtures:

Bojack85 vs therightbullets

Nafunk vs Vandalworks

Prof Membrain vs The Faux Bot

J JOHNSON vs ULTIMATE GMX (battle of the capitals)

IN-DE-STRUCT-A-BLE!!!

The Faux Bot

Hype-Pipe: Splinter Cell: Conviction

Stealth Action is my favourite genre of game and I've pretty much done the ins and outs of all of them except for completing Metal Gear Solid 4 on Big Boss difficulty but there’s a reason for that……..cue drum roll and fanboy backlash…….. IT BORED ME!!!!!. Yeah you heard me. Now don’t get me wrong I've loved the Metal Gear Series since I first played it on the PSone and I was that much of a fan I forked out an excessive amount of money to buy a PS3 just to play MGS4. Yes it had the production values of a Hollywood blockbuster but after a while it started sinking in that this was just a tarted up last generation game. The controls were the same, the HUD was the same, it had the same outrageous plot, the stealth was the same, the action was the same, Christ even the boss battles were rehashes of the best from the series and by the end of it much like Old Snake I was drained and had enough……but luckily for me there was still a reason to be excited about the genre in the form of Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Conviction.


For those of you not into your Splinter Cell games, the first 4 games focused on Sam Fisher, a operative of the NSA, and one that is extremely athletic and a master of stealth. What made Splinter Cell different from MGS was how the stealth worked; in MGS it worked on a Line of Sight system but what Splinter Cell did was give you a much more realistic Light/Dark system which allowed you to make much more use of the environments. For example, if you had a corridor with an enemy you couldn't pass and didn't want to trigger an alert, then shoot out the lights making you undetectable, perform Sam’s infamous wall climb leg split and wait for the guard to pass under and carry on your merry way.

It was with the last game that the Splinter Cell series started to move in a different direction taking a much darker tone in its storytelling. After Sam Fisher’s retirement to spend more time with his much loved daughter Sarah, he is informed that she has died in a hit and run with a drink driver and a much darker and angrier Sam returns to work for the NSA as a double agent working with terrorists. By the end of the game Sam finds out that his daughter wasn't killed accidentally but was brutally murdered and somehow the NSA is involved, leaving him with no choice but to become a fugitive and go after those responsible at any cost.


Splinter Cell Conviction was first announced in 2007 and the footage shown then was that of a game completely different game from what we were accustomed to. The footage and screenshots showed Sam Fisher donning the hobo look and being chased by the law using force only when necessary by using whatever was in the environment as weaponry such as chairs, tables etc. And that was it. Several months later a delay was announced and nothing more was ever shown until E3 this year.


The footage shown of Conviction at E3 clearly showed that the game has had a massive overhaul, no longer is Sam a bum on the run, he's clearly still on a mission of revenge and more bad-ass than ever. The gameplay demo impressively opened up with Sam interrogating a man in a toilet using Krav Maga, a fast and fluid Israeli-developed hand-to-hand fighting style in which you learn to win at all cost by using your environment. After Sam is done running the man’s head through a porcelain sink the demo continues on and the first thing you may notice is that there is no HUD except for an ammo count. The mission objectives appear on the environment instead of popping up on the screen. There is no longer an indicator showing you if Sam is hidden or not, you can now tell when you are hidden when the visuals go black and white only leaving your targets in coloured textures. Another new feature is the Mark and Execute System, use stealth efficiently and you are rewarded with a skill: when Sam is infiltrating an area you can mark the enemies (a small circular orb appears above the target) tap Y and Sam breaches a door or window and unleashes a mixture of shooting and hand to hand combat that so far we are only used to seeing in movies (or Rainbow 6). At one point in the demo this is demonstrated by Sam infiltrating a room and taking a man hostage as a bullet shield, he proceeds to throw him out of a window only to follow him out and shimmy across to flank the men at the other side of the room and all this happens within seconds, I kid you not. It has been stated that the single player campaign will feature no breaks or loading screens. Cutscenes and flashbacks will all interweave with the gameplay much like the objectives do when they appear on buildings or walls, this will allow the story to play out with a pace not seen in previous games.

It is quite clear that Ubisoft is trying to redefine the stealth action genre, they have obviously sensed that people have grown bored with the same mechanics and have created a much more fast paced and fluid style of gameplay. They want you to be able to control a bad-ass and they've succeeded. Check out the video below to see why this was my hit of E3.

Video Games | Splinter Cell: Conviction | E3 09: Developer Walkthrough

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Bojack

Top 5 Games starring Hitler

You really shouldn't knock the old 'Top 5' formula. If it's good enough for the staff of Championship Vinyl, then it's good enough for us here at Split-Screen. That's not to say that this isn't a blatant page-filler cop-out post. Because it is. Very much so.

Cop out or not, I think I should be applauded for actually finding 5 games that feature Hitler, after all, he's hardly a popular guy. Oh yeah, and apparently the licencing issues are a nightmare. Anyway, without further ado:

5. Operation Darkness (XBOX 360)

An action/strategy RPG from the Otaku's favourite developer - Atlus. Whilst this game released to low sales and piss-poor reviews, it does feature possibly the most stylish rendition of Hitler seen in this list. He looks like a proper emo Nazi, which is kind of appropriate really.....don't tell me I'm the only one that thinks the mid-2000's 'fringe revival' owes a massive debt to the fuhrer! I digress. I've not actually played the game, but Google found me this artwork, and well, if that isn't good enough, then I don't know what is.


4. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (PC)

A Lucasarts SCUMM point and click that I never played. I had Fate of Atlantis and it was amazing, but I don't think Hitler was in it. This one couldn't have been as good. It's saving grace is that it features Indy smacking Hitler in the face at the beginning. You could just ask him for an autograph and survive, but where's the fun in that? A screenshot couldn't do the brilliance of the animation justice, so enjoy this video, in German, of course.




3. Bionic Commando (NES)

One of Hitler's more famous outing here. He got to feature as himself in the Japanese version, complete with swastikas and all. For us Westerners though, he was known as Master-D. Doesn't really have as much of a ring to it. Anyway, he's the main bad guy and at the end his head explodes. Rad.



You only need to watch the first minute or so.

2. Wolfenstein 3D (PC)



This is easily the seminal in-game rendition of Hitler. A Super-charged robo-fuhrer with 2 chainguns! Come on! Loathe him though we do, this is undeniably brilliant. Stalingrad wouldn't have been an issue if he'd had this sort of hardware.

1. Zoo Keeper (NDS)


Come on. Tell me that isn't Hitler. If you'd played the game you'd know this guy was a right dick too. It must be him.


The Faux Bot

All aboard the toy train

Whoever said dolls are for little girls obviously never envisaged Hot Toys' Chris Redfield & Sheva Alomar dolls. The Chris Redfield model is especially realistic and I genuinely did a double take when I first saw the face. So for $130 bucks (about 80GBP) along with the 12" model you get a boatload of weapons and exchangable hands which I think is a pretty good deal.

Resident Evil fans rejoice, pay your money and enjoy your rewards.

Next, something for the Metal Gear fans- I know you are many so I'm pretty much just pandering to you. I don't come peddling shite though, only quality here. No write up needed I feel, just the picture is enough. Its out in October for under $80. Pre-ordering it now would be a very smart move.


JTRB.

The Split-Screen Street Fighter IV Tournament: Round 4 - FIGHT!

This isn't on. The losing I mean. I should have figured out a way to rig my matches by now, right? I haven't, obviously. Forgive me, for I digress. What I should be telling you is just how it's all going. Right now, it doesn't take a genius to work out that J JOHNSON is a goddamn machine! As is the ever-mysterious vandalworks, who has mustered an impressive 5 points, presumably by summoning the spirit of the dark hado. Bad karma, man. I await my pasting. Prof Membrain, ULTIMATEGMX and Bojack could still turn things around considerably at this stage, but as for us three at the bottom, don't despair, for I have arranged an extra-special bottom 3 losers prize - HOOKERS! The classy ones too! *

Anyway, here's the table as it currently stands:


And here are this round's pairings:

J JOHNSON vs Prof. Membrain

Vandalworks vs The Faux Bot

ULTIMATE GMX vs Bojack85

NaFunk vs therightbullets

Who will prove the old axiom today?

The Faux Bot

*quality and existence of said hookers is subject to status