Monday, 5 May 2008

The GTA IV Widows Club.

20 hours into GTA IV and I begin to remember how cruelly I've neglected my other major time-sucker. It is of course, this darling Blog of mine, oh how I have missed you. I forgot of the ways we used to cavort and caper, and dream of them actually releasing Castle Crashers. But I'm back now baby. Wipe those tears and spread open your factpipe: I'm going to fill you stupid (give you so much knowledge that you'll go back around to being stupid again).

So, yeah.

I take a certain sense of pride in keeping the GTA hype to a minimum here. That said, as with most things, it's futile for me to even try and compete with the major websites or even bother with posting their second hand news (unless I think it's something that has been overlooked by the majority). Grand Theft Radar, or Gamesradar as it was once known has almost literally fucked the game inside-out to the point that I'm confident that by next week they will have reverse-engineered the whole thing to figure out just where the hell you get those fingerless gloves.

By now, you may be asking yourself 'Where is he going with this?' or 'Why do I bother coming back here?', but hopefully what you are really thinking is 'Well, what unique and interesting angle will Split-Screen's GTA IV coverage take?' For those of you with the latter circling your brain, I proudly present the first chapter in our post-GTA madness: The GTA IV Widows club!

Whilst sensationalist right-wing media outlets are busy making their names by jumping on vicious bandwagons, vilifying our favourite source of entertainment and asking us "won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!?" (in their best Maude Flanders voice) it's easy to forget about the real victims. The game does destroy lives, but not those of children, oh no. Spare a thought, please, for the widows of Grand Theft Auto, those who lose their life partners, sometimes for hours on end, to one of the most all-consuming pieces of interactive entertainment ever witnessed. You see the problem with GTA is that so many of those who play are intelligent beings, capable of forming relationships with the opposite sex. World of Warcraft and the like need not worry about its players alienating their spouses, because none of them have any.

If you understand the plight of these strong-willed, yet broken women, then I urge you to follow this link: join the group and make your voice heard. Strength in numbers sisters, strength in numbers.

The Faux-Bot

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