Monday, 16 June 2008

Got the MetalGear blues

Not being a PS3 owner and having a job that involves selling shiny new copies of Metal Gear Solid 4 on a daily basis can take its toll. It is no surprise that I'm pining for some tactical espionage action and there is no hope in sight that my beloved 360 can deliver it. Short of finding 350 quid lying around, I must admit defeat and find other things to do. I know I'm not alone here, so I've compiled a list of things that you can do whilst you wait, save or just plain avoid Kojima's latest bizarre opus.

1. Try out new and exciting pasta combinations:

Beefburger, sundried tomato and red pesto is fucking amazing. It really shouldn't be. If I had MGS4, I would have settled for some plain old Italian sausage combo. With an open and uncluttered mind I was able to see just how fantastically diverse the humble burger is and how it perfectly sits side by side with the acidity of the tomato.

2. Perfect your Liquid/Solid Snake impressions:

It may only serve to increase your sense of emptiness in the short term, but after a while you will begin to realise that there is no greater satisfaction than confusing your family and co-workers with a pitch perfect delivery of a gruff "A HIND-D!?" or a deliriously camp "WELCOME BROTHER!".

Pop Fact: Cam Clarke has the best voice ever! He's not in MGS4 though. What a load of crap.

3. Play Rock Band:

It's better than Guitar Hero 3 in every conceivable way. Queens of The Stone Age's 'Sick, Sick, Sick' is an absolute motherfucker but also the most satisfying rhythm-action experience I've ever had. First guitar, then drums and mic. If you're British you may start to think that alternatively, you are half way to affording that PS3 with MGS. Don't look back now, stay strong and forget the past. You've achieved so much!

4. Watch a movie:

You'd be sitting still watching the bloody things for hours on end anyway. Replicate the Metal Gear experience on the cheap by playing Splinter Cell for 15 minutes at a time and then watching the Lord of the Rings Director's cuts in the breaks.

5. Watch Metal Gear Awesome for the 100th time:
Because it is just that. (Awesome) *heh*

6. Find a friend and watch him play it:

If you can find a friend with the game, invite yourself over their house, get the kettle on and settle in for the day. The odds are that he is better at it than you are anyway, plus you won't have to deal with any of the frustration. Sit back, shout things like "hide in that bin!?" bust out some of your well-practiced impressions and try to figure out what that little monkey is all about.

The Faux Bot


Nosh89 said...

The monkey smokes too.

Nosh89 said...

Love that monkey, he smokes too yer know.