Friday, 23 May 2008

Goddamn Hippies

Greenpeace as an institution have continued to grate on me for some years now and not just because everybody hates hippies. They always seemed to be a collection of the kind of work-shy idealistic middle-class shitbags who think that they don't have to get a real job but rather they pursue their destiny to save mother earth and piss off mummy and daddy at the same time. They are the kind of people who take a year out of university to 'go travelling'. In short, they are cunts.

Now we find ourselves in the wake of the generation they influenced. The 'green' mentality is all around us and whether the figures would show it or not, as a society we are far more conscious of our effect on the environment. We drink fruit smoothies, sort our plastics from our tins and buy 'bags for life'. So with even the huge mega-evil capitalist bastard supermarkets ramming environmentalism down our throats and choking us on our own excess of carrier bags, what place is there left for an institution such as Greenpeace? Surely, their work is done.

Not quite, you see there are a lot of people on the pay roll, so to maintain income and their reputation they find other things to moan about. If I was in charge of such a waning institution, I'd find some sort of 'hot topic' to latch onto, you know, to propel the name back into the public sphere. Something like a retail sector that "saw a 14 percent growth over the last year" to quote Greenpeace themselves. Something like....videogames.

Apparently games consoles are toxic. That's what Greenpeace seem to think and if their slick new advert with latex gloves and high tech machinery is anything to go by, well, it must be true. I mean, look at the editing, it's all fast and it has 'beats' for the soundtrack. Yeah! C'mon all you hip kids! Send your console back to Nintendo, write them a letter about how they have to 'cool out' and use greener plastics and find some of those processor boards that mother nature so kindly provides on trees, then go outside and paint a mural with all your eclectic friends.

So why is it so bad if they are toxic? Apparently, "Once they’ve reached the end of useful life, game consoles are often dumped and end up in unsafe and dirty recycling yards in developing countries" Yep. Guilty as charged. Hands up, gamers. Now how many have you have willingly thrown out your £160+ worth of console this year? What, none of you!? Ahh come on, we're the middle classes, we throw out expensive equipment all the time, especially when they reach the end of their lives. After all, this generation has been going for a whole THREE YEARS! That's nearly a millennia! Sarcasm aside, this just shows how tragically out of touch Greenpeace are, which is further highlighted by their trivialisation of consoles in general; stating that, "Ironically, despite being used for playing games, game consoles are not classified as toys." This is what happens when you switch off the TV and start reading The Observer - you become a cultural fuckwitt and join Greenpeace.

Douchebaggery in full:

The Faux Bot

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