Sunday, 25 October 2009

The Faux Bot's next-gen dream console

All this talk of Xboxes with the Blu-Rayz has got me thinking about how I wish I could just meld my consoles together - not just because switching the HDMI cable around is getting on my tits, but because my unit hosts so many peripherals and cables right now that I crave simplicity. This got me thinking about the consoles of the future and how if anybody actually listened to me, they would turn out. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a stark and somewhat frightening vision of a future that could be, as I present you with my dream console.



Behold! In the next generation, consoles will do everything! Just look at all those gubbins, all infinitely more useful than that rubbish Sky Player or a photo gallery app. I suppose that when they actually design it, they will find a way of perhaps scaling it down into one, convenient box. I'd be OK with that. Are you wondering about some of my additions? Wonder no more:

PS3, XBOX 360 and Wii:

These go without saying really. Whilst in all seriousness the idea of a united platform is terrible for the consumer, being able to have Madworld, Uncharted 2 and Left 4 Dead on one machine would be all sorts of awesome.

Teasmaid:

During long sessions of Call Of Duty 4, or any online multiplayer for that matter, I find myself always craving a cup of tea. Not wanting to leave, nor disturb my sleeping family with the rattling of cups, I always find myself left wanting. The Teasmaid is an amazing, self-contained tea-making machine AND alarm clock. Problem solved.

Fleshlight:

What with my dream console being able to do just about everything else for me, I thought it should probably be able to get me off as well. The inclusion of the Number 1 selling male sex toy is, in my humble opinion, an inspired stroke of genius.

Built-in projector:

Everyone has walls and my TV is broken. This is an all-purpose solution and a gift to the consumer. Standard HDMI-out and what not would also be included, just in case.

What do you think? Would you buy it? What inculsions have I missed?
Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo: I will be expecting my royalty cheque in the post.

6 comments:

cr0nt said...

There is only one thing it misses. The extendable arms to bring the tea to you, and some kind of refrigeration unit for the milk (if you be that way inclined).

Good idea, and yes, better than the sky player I can't find on live...

Justtherightbullets said...

I think this really sets the bar for the future. The only expensive part would be replacing the projector bulb when it went, but if technology allows an alternative eternal bulb we're quids in.

LMAO@ 'stroke of genius' re:fleshlight.

cr0nt said...

However, my teasmade makes a HELL of a lot of noise when its doing its do... so rattling cups is probably quieter!

vandalworks said...

if you're going to have arms to pass the tea to you then you should be able to fix teh fleshlight onto one of these arms and it can jerk you off?

cr0nt said...

That too, but if you wire it wrong it'll just throw tea over you... makes the red ring of death seem tame :P

The Faux Bot said...

Stop turning my dream console into a sexy death trap.

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