Sunday, 2 August 2009

The Split-Screen rating system explained

I've always shied away from doing reviews here because most of you guys play the same games as me, usually at the same time. As such, giving my two cents would just be irrelevant. However, I have to accept that we will be doing some now and again and seeing as I have some iPhone/iPod Touch games lined up to review later I thought it best to get a rating system in order. I call it:

The Eggfron System (TM)

The The Eggfron System (TM) is not commonly employed in the games review arena, but what with there being so much quibbling over review scores and how arbitrary the numbers assigned to them are nowadays, this highly visual and unique system seems all the more appropriate.

So, what is The Eggfron System (TM)? It is a scale of brilliance that comprises the following awards:

EggAn egg is a perfectly acceptable object. It is clean, simple and versatile. It can hold many deeper meanings; it represents the creation of life and the ability to sustain it. But it doesn't, because it's just an egg. We eat them and occasionally, throw them. An egg is so-so, alright, standard, middle-of-the-road. Reserved for when a game is nothing more then 'alright'.

Fried Egg

When you fry an egg, you begin to realize it's true potential. A fried egg is compact, stable and maintains a runny yolk. It can be put in a sandwich or on top of some Gammon. In short, it is the best way to cook an egg and represents a much higher quality of game.

Golden Egg

If you have a Golden Egg then you are sitting pretty my friend. Moguls, tycoons and big-shot celebrities pay top coin for a Golden Egg. Why? Because it's gold. Once you have sold your egg, then you can employ a live-in chef to make you the perfect fried egg on a daily basis. This would be amazing and so, this award represents the finest games known to man.

Zac Efron

Look at 'him'. He has the face of a lady but the body of a Navy Seal. What a little prick. This street-walking ladyboy is a confused mess of identities and represents everything that is wrong with our society. He is a turd. Lovingly sculpted though he may be, he is still sculpted out of turd. I am not a fan of Zac Efron, so it is only fair that his girlish, perma-tanned face and permed eyelashes represents only the lowest quality games. The dire, the abysmal, the Space Giraffes of this world.

That's that cleared up then.

The Faux Bot


vandalworks said...

i have to disagree. a fried egg isnt the best way to cook an egg, putting it between megan foxs legs for it cook in her hotness is by far the best.

or just convetially boiling it.

Split-Screen said...

Wooo Yeah! Megan Fox Fanny Eggs TM

I have to agree. I saw a pic of her earlier where she was 'curvier' read as: bigger jugs. But I digress. Fox's Fanny Eggs TM aren't convinient because you'd have to round her up first. Boiling is awesome, but it would roll off of a juicy Gammon.

JTRB said...

Zac Efron should have been aborted.

cr0nt said...

Best rating system ever. Zac Efron should also never have been conceived.