Bayonetta infinity climaxing all over Jessica Chobot and Cammy White

If that were real, I could be held accountable for millions of jizz-encrusted keyboards all over the world. Sadly, for us all, the Bayonetta/Jessica Chobot/Cammy squirt bukkake will probably never come to light. Anyway, to business: It's come to my attention that we get a lot more visitors here than the followers suggests. This is good. Over 66% of those visitors were drawn here because of a post we did a while back concerning the ever-tempting Chobot. Another sizeable percentage were here because of some Cammy cosplay. In my never-ending quest to be an internet-whore, I can't afford to get all high-and-mighty and be thinking about things like integrity. I have to keep giving the people what they want, namely, filth. From here on in, I, The Faux Bot, pledge to you, my loyal readers to increase the percentage of filth posted on this here blog.

Let's get the ball rolling with a Bayonetta hentai gallery, courtesy of Sankaku Complex, and while your at it have this picture of Chobot dressed as a nurse. Pop it in your toss-bag.

Now, I'm not so chauvinistic as to forget about our female readership.I will just as happily concoct an image of Captain Falcon bumming the shit out of Solid Snake, if only you would ask. I promise that through the medium of MS Paint, I will make that happen for you.

No more Super Street Fighter updates (or a lot less anyway)

I know the constant boner for all things Street Fighter must wear some of you down and for that, I apologise once again. It's hard not to talk about a game that I love so dearly, especially when the news and rumours concerning the upcoming Super SF4 are so scattered and fragmented - I feel a sense of duty to collate them here. No longer need I feel this way though as I have now discovered http://iplaywinner.com/

Their Street Fighter and beat em up coverage is far superior to mine and one of the best, most dedicated sites I've found in a long while. They obsess of the minute leaks and glimmers of information just as I do, so whenever you want to know what's happening with Street Fighter, just check there from now on. In short, it's like a more casual and amusing version of

http://shoryuken.com/

If you need more convincing, check out this intriguing shot of the character select screen that confirms our 'proper bit of news' from a while ago (here) that stated there would be 10 characters added to the roster.

Staying on that topic, rumours are now abound that there will be another brand new character accompanying Juri - an Arab grappler by the name of Hakan. I'm hoping that this turns out to be true as I'm a big fan of grapplers, not to mention how much of a shame it would be to see this parody video to be made in vain.

Holy fucking shit

Yes. A shocking headline, with two swears in it and not a lot else. What does it tell you? 1) I am crass, vulgar and inarticulate. 2) Something so awesome has happened that I cannot contain nor properly express my emotions. You see, aside from games, my other passion is for clothing - specifically anything made by Mishka. I won't detail that obsession or justify it here, but if you know me, it shouldn't be too much trouble to imagine the mess I made in my pants when I heard that my beloved Mishka have teamed up with Double Fine to produce a duo of Brutal legend t-shirts.


From now on, my time will be split between Modern Warfare 2 and watching the Internet like a techno-hawk as I await details on how to get hold of those beautiful items. Seriously, this is TOO rad. Don't believe me? Then how about adding the fact that the artwork is by James Callahan; who has also produced artwork for my new favourite band: Municipal Waste. Seriously, I'm tapped out.



TOO RAD!

Tim Schafer: We are not worthy of your radness

Look at him there. The man who brought us Grim Fandango, Day of The Tentacle, Full Throttle, Psychonauts and now Brutal Legend. His radness cannot be quantified.

I could perhaps write a biographical piece here, documenting Schafer's radness over his game development career. But right now, all I want to do is spill my metaphorical gamer-jizz all over your internets, because now that I've played Brutal Legend: I'm hyped.

If you need me to tell you that Brutal Legend is a metal fantasy hack n' slash featuring Jack Black, Rob Halford, Ozzy and Lemmy (amongst others) then I just did. You're welcome. Now despite the size of my nerd-boner, I'm not going to blow smoke up your collective arse: as far as gameplay is concerned, Brutal legend is a decidedly so-so affair. Slash, slash, block, dodge, roll, slash, slash slash, slash, guitar riff........wait......guitar riff!? That's not standard hack and slash attire Mr. Schafer! What on earth are you doing? I feel I can answer on his behalf and further my schizophrenic outbursts when I say "I just wanted to make a game that was rad." Well, sir, you seem to have succeeded.


You see, it's not the gameplay that we should be looking at. Whilst being very standard, it is quite playable and is presented with a love and affection for the subject matter not seen since Littlebigplanet. I know there are those of you who will take one look at the sub-par combat and turn thy noses upward. You can't be blamed, but ask yourself: what level of technical excellence are you holding out for? This game expresses more passion and creativity than any other game I've seen this year (perhaps with the exception of Scribblenauts). Sure I'd like groundbreaking gameplay too, but life's never perfect, is it?

HEAVY FUCKING METAL.

Watch this: NOW!

Urgency is required! As I watched this in my characteristically nonchalant fashion, planning to blog it afterwards, I realised that today is the last day that this movie is free to watch online.
http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/second_skin/

Second Skin unfortunately has nothing to do with hot ladies in skin-tight latex - as the title misled me to believe. It is however, a fascinating look into the world of MMO gaming from a relatively non-patronising standpoint. The 'outside looking in' mentality that usually surrounds any sort of reportage on gaming culture is both frustrating and demeaning, luckily, that is something that this documentary bypasses, so far at least. As I haven't yet finished watching it (blog urgency!) it may take a turn for the worse, but I have faith.

It's pleasing to see the positive influence these games have on people's lives. It's very easy to vilify MMO gamers and their shunning of our perceived reality. Whilst I could never commit to something so all-consuming, the idea of everyone starting out equal is one that appeals to me. Then I imagine myself in 5 years; having to remortgage the house, wondering where my family have gone as I try to prise myself from a computer chair cocoon comprising of my own piss, feaces, jizz and Wotsit crumbs. I'm not judging MMO gamers, just myself.


The Faux Bot

Hands-on with Red Faction: Guerrilla

Long-term readers may have noticed a distinct absence of the old Hype Pipe lately and I personally have missed writing them. Whilst I loved gushing though, it has to be said that the feature had an inherent problem in so much that I was creaming my boy shorts over games that I was yet to play. On a few occasions this left me disappointed, and also embarrassed due to my fanboyish ramblings being broadcast and me having to effectively go back on my previous statements. So, what have I learned? Nothing! RED FACTIONGUERRILLA FUCKING ZOMG!! IT@S AWESOME!!!


Just kidding, I have of course, played the demo and more than likely, before most of you. I don't mean to brag, but for the first time, I can happily jizz away my fanboy syrup, knowing that I'm not simply blowing hot air, but actually recommending a game ahead of it's release, with first hand experience -almost like a proper website! This my friends, is the closest I may ever get to a review code/promo copy. A landmark moment indeed.

Having no prior experience with the other Red Faction games, it's surprising that this would even register with me. After all, I'm ridiculously hard to please and there are more than enough third person shooters on the market. I can only put it down to Guerrilla having the combination of communism, propaganda and blowing shit up.

For the record, even in the painfully short demo, you really can blow a lot of shit up. Everything, to be more accurate. Imagine the most satisfying physics since Half Life 2, then imagine that you can pilot a giant mining robot and that you have a load of remote charges and a big fuck-off hammer. There are some bad guys with guns on a bridge: BOOM! There's a big fence in your way: BOOM! There's some dudes in a truck: KABLAMMO! Then I drove another truck into a barracks and made it crumple like a house of cards.


I honestly wouldn't care if this game was completely lacking in direction or purpose because figuring out the best way to take down structures and using the physics as a weapon is some of the best fun you can have with your pants on- not driving Italian sports cars, as some sexy saleswomen may have you believe. So the fact that Red Faction: Guerrilla is clearly huge and brimming over with objectives, side quests and key destruction targets just makes it all the better. Whilst the mission in the demo is fairly straightforward, the amount of possibilities for it's completion are seemingly infinite. Of the 3 times I played through it before writing this, each played out differently, with me eventually realising that gun or no gun, no-one is going to mess with some guy in a huge truck who seems to have a death wish.

The visuals are a bit on the dull side, but this is an acceptable side-effect of the game being set on Mars. Thankfully the visuals are boosted by the art design which is awash with bold communist reds and soviet-inspired constructivist propaganda posters. The character design is painfully cliched in so much as once again you will be filling the boots of another gravel-voiced space marine type, who is reassuringly short-haired and comes complete with stubble, just in case there actually was any confusion over his sexuality.


The full game will obviously test the replayability to it's limit and the true test will be if the physics remain as enjoyable over the course of a full playthrough. I have every confidence though and I can't wait to see what else they ask me to destroy. I wholeheartedly recommend that you get the demo for yourself, all you need is a code: it's as easy as registering with THQ.

The Faux Bot