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via Gamovr

Final Fantasy XIII: 12 hours in.

**spoiler-free**

Chances are that if you've already read something on FFXIII, then you've already heard it's 'linearity issues' discussed in one way or another. So far, I have seen nothing to dispute any of these claims. I have essentially been following a straight line for the entirety of my playthrough with barely even a hint of an unbeaten path or exploration in any form. The linearity is an inescapable fact, but the focus should be on what intersperses the path-following - some fantastic battles and drop-dead gorgeous cut-scenes.

As always, Square Enix doesn't disappoint in terms of presentation, boasting flawless, endearing and memorable character design, each sporting disticntive images and personalities. Sazh has a baby Chocobo living in his hair, Lightning is a smouldering badass, Vanille looks at me like she wants/needs me, Snow is essentially Ken Masters, but nonetheless endearing, Fang is just sort of there with her attitude being completely overshadowed by Lightning and then........there's Hope.


Ah, Hope. What an unbearable little shit this kid is. Always whining and moaning and trying to grow up , like he's trying to force an erection out. I swear he's going to end up bursting a blood vessel before the credits roll. I wish pain upon this little turd, he is a complete waste of Phoenix Down. Speaking of which, it is now referred to as a 'tuft of phoenix down'. Which brought me to the stark realisation that that shit was stolen off a real phoenix! do you know how rare that must be!? And I've been wasting them on that little turd when I should be selling that shit on the black market to crazy billionaires like Charles Widmore.


Back on topic now. The characters look gorgeous and I would probably do it with each and every one of them (except Hope) if I were some sort of lawnmower man virtual reality bisexual. They are wonderfully complimented by superb animations -particularly the faces; the lip-syncing is beautifully done and gives the characters a weight and believability which is integral to their personalities.

The game's other two main strengths are it's incredible soundtrack and unique battle system. With the latter being, again, something of a topic for debate.

At times, you could be convinced that FFXIII was being played on some sort of auto-pilot as you stare drooling at the lush visuals. In reality, it is a refined and streamlined version of traditional RPG battling. Rather than leaving it to you to figure out the best roles for your characters and having you chop and change accordingly, it organises varieties of roles into what are called 'paradigms'. In each paradigm, the characters on your team fulfill a different role. For example, one configuration will provide you with a medic, an attacker and another that casts supporting magic. You can opt for balance, or all-out attack but you will soon find that the best approach is switching between paradigms according to the direction of the fight- learning to go all-out or take a step back whenever necessary. Attacks and spells are doled out by the single character you control, based on your knowledge of the enemy. You can select specific actions, but the better option is to study your opponent and let the auto system do the work as it will always select the best course of action if you have enough info on your enemy.

Whilst it may sound all to easy, the new battle system is simply just shifting your focus, forcing you to be more considered, plan ahead and do your research. Rather than sacrificing depth wholesale, it simply trades some of it for a faster paced, more contemporary battle system that is better suited to a generation that is being raised on dull, uninvolving shooters that take a mere 7 hours to complete. Face it, our attention span is fucked. We brought this upon ourselves.


The soundtrack hasn't displayed a hint of Leona Lewis yet, but for all you haterz, just remember that it is going to be right there at the end to reward you for all your hard work. Otherwise, the OST is incredible: massively varied, memorable and appropriate. It runs the gamut of genres and has already embedded a few melodies in my brain. They aren't going anywhere and I will gladly whistle them upon request.

As linear as it makes it, the pacing and direction of my first 12 hours or so have been wholly appropriate. Your characters are on the run - the last thing they should be doing is dicking around looking for Chocobos to ride when there are bad motherfuckers with gunships and gatling guns after them, I know I'd be running. I retain a fair amount of good faith in the game, hoping that the pace will shift in order to keep my interest. If it were to continue like this for the estimated 45 hours playtime, I may have to kill someone.

Keeping the hope of change in my mind and getting to watch the characters mature and develop before me is holding my interest this far. Even that unbearable little shit Hope is starting to wise up and if that's not enough, there's always the promise of more boner-inducing Advent Children-esque cinematics to come.

There will undoubtedly be more to say about FFXIII further down the line and I won't hesitate in forcing my opinion on you all once again when I've played some more. For now, keep reading and share your thoughts on it in the comments. If you haven't played it yet - why the hell not!? Financial excuses are permitted.

"The perfect fit"

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that this video was created overnight just for my amusement. If you listened to yesterday's podcast you would have heard The Prof and therightbullets raging hard about Leona Lewis' inclusion in the Final Fantasy XIII marketing. They almost popped blood vessels over her song 'destroying' an otherwise awesome trailer. What will they make of her face, words and body getting all up close with the game? She's even gotten to play the game before either of those guys! To be fair though I bet she's always sitting around playing JRPG's, I heard she's well into Demon's Souls too.

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 6

Today I had a headache and very little food. We all swore quite a bit and got angry. This is also the longest podcast we've ever done..... I think. This one isn't for the feint-hearted. For the brave among you, please join us as we tackle the terrors of DLC, sentimentality and rebellious Ice Cream Vans. You've been warned.

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Token Gestures' end of year/new year picks

Well it has been a while since I did anything of worth, but I’m somehow in the mood to help out. Call it the season of good will or something. So here is my season in review, by season read 2009. Here are the five games that seemed to have attracted me the most in the past twelve months. Granted some of them may be a little off but I speak as I find, so here goes:

1.    NHL 10: This franchise just gets better and better, and this years’ instalment is no different. A beautifully made game that plays as true to the sport as any game I have seen. Each year they add new features and tweaks that keep this far and away above the other EA Sports titles. Yes there are a few issues like the twats that exploit glitches online but I’m yet to see any game sort that out so it really isn’t a knock on this one in particular, the franchise mode also needs a little work to get it more involving but these are small criticisms on a great sports game, sure to keep you playing after the season is over.

2. Resident Evil 5: I’m a sucker for this franchise too, yes the game wasn’t exactly reflective of the previous titles puzzle solving brain melters(tm) but it was a well made, beautiful game that seemed to fall short in a lot of people’s eyes. I however loved it, and spent a very long time in front of it battling Las Plagas in a battle to stop the evil Wesker. Gameplay was good and the continued use of the Resident Evil 4 over the shoulder camera angle was far easier on gameplay than the older, yet more terrifyingly set camera positions. The story continued well and did what it needed to, bringing back our original Chris Redfield, although he did look a bit too much of a tank in it. All we need now is for Resident Evil 6 to have Barry in it and I’m in zombie heaven.

3. Fallout 3-The Pitt: Okay it’s not a “real” game but this DLC was fantastic, once they sorted out the bug that plagued it on release. Not a lot needs to be said about this as it is Fallout and we all know how amazing a piece of art this was. Post-apocalyptia is here to stay, just ask Viggo Mortensen. Anyway I digress, this add-on encapsulated what the original game was all about, shades of grey never seemed so interesting, and those creepy trogs were great. All in all the best add-on they released for Fallout.

4. Modern Warfare 2: So I haven’t touched the single player and the sniper rifles are still infuriating in the multiplayer but it is MW2. The game you can lose your life to by just replying the same 10-12 maps. The “I don’t care if you keep sniping me I’ll get you and fuck you up eventually” mindset has never been stronger. These may all seem like negatives, and to an extent they are, but that one kill is worth it. Very much like the game of golf, you live for that perfect shot.

5. Football Manager 2010/ Out of the Park Baseball 10: I know what you’re thinking but I enjoy Excel spreadsheets as much as the next man, and spreadsheets don’t come more compelling than the Football Manager series. If all spreadsheets interested you so much maybe the bankers wouldn’t have dropped the ball on the economy, but they can go back home knowing that their beloved Walsall will be as they left them. Out of the Park Baseball uses the same engine and style but, believe it or not revolves around baseball. Both games have taken up a large chunk of my life and time this year, and as I write this my Leeds United team are playing in the background against the mighty Notts County. A must own for any number fanatic.

I’m not saying 2009 was a great year for games but I managed to get by on what I had to work with. I’m just hoping 2010 will keep me from having to resort to exercise like 2009 did. So here is a quick preview of my 2010 hit list:

1. Mass Effect 2: I’m ploughing through Mass Effect in an attempt to a) complete the game finally and b) remember what the hell was going on. Using the saves from the first game intrigues me and presses me on to finish it. I just hope all the buildings and planets are not all identical aside from different colours this time round. First game on my shopping list for this year.

2. Fallout: New Vegas: It’s Fallout, enough said...Right Viggo?

3. Resident Evil 5 DLC: We get two new instalments to the game this year, and in my opinion the first is what should have been released instead of that hideous multiplayer monstrosity that they did release. It’s set around the back story of Chris and Jill searching for Ozwell E. Spencer, the other follows the other duo after you split from them. I’ve kept that vague in case anyone wants to play through it without the really crap surprise being ruined.

4. Final Fantasy XIII: It’s a FF game and you know what it will entail, albeit with a different combat system apparently, but it is still pretty much a must buy. Time will tell whether they should have kept it turn based.

5.  Heavy Rain: I’m a firm believer in some of your dreams being unattainable, and this game marks one of those. Pretty much the only reason I would buy a PS3, but it won’t happen, I’m far too stubborn.

I wanted to put Kane and Lynch in here but we all know we will be lucky to see it before the next summer Olympics. Well my Leeds United just won 2-0 so I’m off to bullock them for not scoring more. I’m far better at this than Rafa Benitez.

 Cheers

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 5

We thought it was episode 6. It clearly isn't. We're a little all over the shop right now so just bare with us and rest safe in the idea that the overwhelmingly poor show displayed here will only inspire us to do better next time. Thanks for listening.

Download link: MEGAUPLOAD

Cack-handed year-round-up that is also about what I am looking forward to in 2010

I had it all planned out: a banner, some semblance of structure. Then I got bored and distracted. I really wanted to make a go of this, but it's a little too formulaic. I couldn't even be bothered to come up with a decent post title. I'm sorry. I may chuck some headings in here, I may not. Let's just look at it as a stream of consciousness thing.

2009 was a tad shit for games and I personally -add foolishly- avoided some of the better ones (Uncharted 2, Borderlands, House of the Dead: Overkill). My New Year's Resolution is to get a Blockbuster card in an effort to resolve this. 2009 can be summarised for me with this succinct list of games that I enjoyed playing:

Street Fighter 4

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Guitar Hero Metallica

DJ Hero

Rhythm Paradise

Brutal Legend

Shadow Complex

Done.

Now, 2010, come to me. My boner-list:

1. Super Street Fighter 4

Heh, bet you never expected me to harp on about this, did you? That's why I'm getting it out of the way first. More of everything piled on top of my favourite game is exactly what I want. More characters, backgrounds, music, online modes and a whole host of tweaks that could potentially balance the game even further. Also, it will provide brilliant screenshots like this:

of Ken's stupid face. Look at ken - what a fucking knob, I hope that punch ruptures his spleen. Stupid face Ken.

2. The Last Guardian

If you ever played Ico or Shadow of The Colossus then I don't need to tell you how special a new Fumito Ueda project is. His inimitable mood and eye for detail shows no signs of absence here, along with a character partnership that serves to strengthen his status as one of gaming's few true auteurs. Beautiful from the offset, this can surely not disappoint.

3. Heavy Rain

David Cage may be a self-aggrandising wanker, full of pomposity and delusions of grandeur, but I still have to admire the guy's commitment and passion. He genuinely believes in the advancement of digital media, pushing it beyond the safe conventions of what defines a videogame. It could, of course, just turn out to be a glorified QTE, in which case we can all comfort ourselves by making fun of Cage. He's such an easy target after all.

4. Dead Rising 2

Played-out though they may be, I don't think I could ever get bored of killing zombies in Capcom's Dead Rising. With the sequel promising even more options and implements with which to maim the undead, I'm not about to turn my nose up. Blender on a zombie's head? Fuck Yeah!

5. Final Fantasy XIII

Whilst I'm still apprehensive about the lack of turn-based combat, it's hard not to look forward to a new Final Fantasy game. The brand always carries an assurance of quality that this generation of consoles has yet to truly see. On that basis alone I'm looking forward to it. Once again, their character design, music and presentation are all looking incredible too, which only helps it's case.

6. Hokuto Musou (Fist of the North Star)

I grew up watching the Fist of The North Star anime and it gave me a taste for the kind of elaborate, explosive violence that the Japanese do so well. The game will have you beating the crap out of hundreds of dudes and you'll have the ability to make their heads explode. Sold.

7. Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

If this comes out on time, bug free, it will be nothing short of a miracle. The first game was a colossal fuck up in terms of tweaking, bug-fixing and marketing. Eidos rushed it out incomplete and pulled every dirty trick in order to get sales from halfway-decent review scores, need I remind you of Gerstmann-gate? With Square-Enix providing some much-needed assistance publishing the sequel, we can all breath a sigh of relief. IO Interactive's status as a quality developer should never be questioned, let's hope that with a new and respected publisher behind them, they can start making K&L the brand that it deserves to be. Then Hitman 5, please.

8. Yakuza 3

On an almost daily basis I find myself pining for more Shenmue. I've accepted that this will never happen, but at least we now will see a Western release for Yakuza 3 - a series which is often considered as Shenmue's spiritual successor. It's not quite the same as working down the docks, collecting capsule toys and winning Saturn games, but it'll do for now. I miss Yu, Suzuki. Pun intended.

I'm fairly sure that most of these games will get delayed. If so, I'll just re-post it next year. Until then......