The Split-Screen rating system explained

I've always shied away from doing reviews here because most of you guys play the same games as me, usually at the same time. As such, giving my two cents would just be irrelevant. However, I have to accept that we will be doing some now and again and seeing as I have some iPhone/iPod Touch games lined up to review later I thought it best to get a rating system in order. I call it:

The Eggfron System (TM)

The The Eggfron System (TM) is not commonly employed in the games review arena, but what with there being so much quibbling over review scores and how arbitrary the numbers assigned to them are nowadays, this highly visual and unique system seems all the more appropriate.

So, what is The Eggfron System (TM)? It is a scale of brilliance that comprises the following awards:

EggAn egg is a perfectly acceptable object. It is clean, simple and versatile. It can hold many deeper meanings; it represents the creation of life and the ability to sustain it. But it doesn't, because it's just an egg. We eat them and occasionally, throw them. An egg is so-so, alright, standard, middle-of-the-road. Reserved for when a game is nothing more then 'alright'.

Fried Egg


When you fry an egg, you begin to realize it's true potential. A fried egg is compact, stable and maintains a runny yolk. It can be put in a sandwich or on top of some Gammon. In short, it is the best way to cook an egg and represents a much higher quality of game.

Golden Egg


If you have a Golden Egg then you are sitting pretty my friend. Moguls, tycoons and big-shot celebrities pay top coin for a Golden Egg. Why? Because it's gold. Once you have sold your egg, then you can employ a live-in chef to make you the perfect fried egg on a daily basis. This would be amazing and so, this award represents the finest games known to man.

Zac Efron


Look at 'him'. He has the face of a lady but the body of a Navy Seal. What a little prick. This street-walking ladyboy is a confused mess of identities and represents everything that is wrong with our society. He is a turd. Lovingly sculpted though he may be, he is still sculpted out of turd. I am not a fan of Zac Efron, so it is only fair that his girlish, perma-tanned face and permed eyelashes represents only the lowest quality games. The dire, the abysmal, the Space Giraffes of this world.

That's that cleared up then.

The Faux Bot