Showing posts with label why can't I leave peter molenyeux alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label why can't I leave peter molenyeux alone. Show all posts

Monday, 15 March 2010

Peter Molyneux employs Python


No, not that sort of Python. This sort:


That's right. Wannabe genius, professional delusionist and arse-puffer Peter Molyneux has employed the vocal talents of the actual genius John Cleese for his next installment in the massively disappointing Fable series.

You remember all those videos before Fable 2 came out? The ones where Pete threatened to change the gaming landscape and blow our feeble minds? Well, Pete now admits that they were all BULLSHIT because Fable 2 didn't have a fucking butler in it! Honestly, what kind of game doesn't have a butler in it!? How the fuck would I know when to change my character's clothes!? Thank Christ for John Cleese as 'Butler' then, because that's exactly what he does. You remember how shit the clothes were in Fable 2? WRONG! They weren't shit, YOU were shit because you didn't know how awesome they were! The Butler will stop this from ever happening again.

He may as well employ a real python seeing how little of a shit I give about the existence of this glorified DLC. Watch out Peter, you're upsetting the status quo with your revolutionary game design! What's that you say? You can now make wings come out of your character's back as well as making them burp? What a visionary.

via Kotaku

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Yakuza 3 demo impressions


Like any kid who ploughed hours into decking sailors as Ryo Hazuki, the dream of a brand-new Shenmue game is always in the back of my mind. Whilst Sega keep cock-teasing the prospect of finding more sailors and actually getting to smack the shit out of Lan Di, they are more than happy to provide us with another Yakuza game. Quite how this franchise is more bankable than Shenmue is beyond me, seeing as they share almost identical elements, but the Yakuza series has so far reached 5 iterations in Japan and shows no signs of stopping.


The only reason that I am remotely interested in Yakuza 3 is due to it's similarities with Shenmue and this, you see, is the problem. My longing for another Shenmue game clouds my judgement to the extent that I am willing to settle for what is essentially, a poor man's GTA, sans the auto and plus some virtua fighting. I may be judging a mere demo a little too harshly, but it's like I've had some sort of awakening. Imagine if Zach Morris settled for Jessie Spanno. Sure, they get on, they've known eachother long enough and she's far from ugly, I mean we all saw Showgirls, right? But Zach is meant to nail Kelly Kapowski goddammit! And I want my slice of all-American pussy! Never settle for second best.

Simply put, Yakuza 3 lacks the heart of the Shenmue games. This is easily attributed to the lack of involvement from Shenmue creator Yu Suzuki, now in a somewhat diminished capacity at Sega. It breaks my heart to know that a genius such as Suzuki is now relegated to throw-away arcade-only titles, whilst twats like Peter Molyneux are given free reign to make nonce simulators and faggy cockney zelda knock-offs.

Yakuza 3 is a seemingly linear affair, albeit one with many amusing distractions. Whilst Shenmue itself always received attention for it's wonderful distractions -toy collecting, arcade games and forklift driving- it was the simple things that made it the unique experience that I still hold dear. Worrying about upsetting Ine-san by coming home late, finding clues around your family home, taking in the beautiful scenery or feeling like you'd done a day's hard work, rewarding yourself with an hour at the arcade. These were the elements that made Shenmue such an incredible game. It was a game full of more than just distractions - they were elements of a life that you chose to lead. Maybe it's asking a lot of Yakuza 3 to match it but until it does, my money will be remaining firmly in pocket and my memories will be remaining with Hazuki-san.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 4: Love and Gaming


We are officially running on new hardware with this episode, and thankfully, you should now be able to hear everything! We haven't quite got the editing down yet, but one step at a time folks. For now, enjoy some clear audio and the soothing tones of me, therightbullets and Prof Membrain.

In this episode we discuss love in games and I still can't seem to stop whining about Peter Molyneux. I'm becoming rather worried now as I don't even have to google him to check that I'm spelling his surname correctly. Creepy.

Anyway, enjoy and comment, for there are three hearts on the line this time.

I've streamlined it so that it is now a wma file and I have only posted it on Megaupload. If any of you require different file types or want to see it back on last.Fm, just let me know and I'll happily oblige.

Download Part 1

Download Part 2

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 3

Alright, I'll admit it. The second part of Episode 2 kinda went AWOL, and we're still asking you to endure with our poor sound quality, but what we lack in professionalism, we make up for in AWESOME! Yes, that's right, 'AWESOME' is a quantifiable measure. It has a scale and everything.

So, here is Episode 3. The sound is.....varied, there's 2 whole minutes of awkward Bojack85 love and we announce a new competition. What more do you want? Bad Albion-esque accents, you say? Boy, are you in for a treat!

Download:

MEGAUPLOAD


Stream/Download:

Last.FM

Seriously though, any home recording tips?

The Faux Bot

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