Videogame Music Corner

Hello all and welcome to the second installment of Videogame Music Corner. This week, we're going to be looking at a few of my favourite in-game tracks. It's by no means a definitive list, more the first five that came to mind.

Parodius (NES, 1988)



Parodius is one of the strangest games I've ever played. It's just as well-known for it's unique roster of characters and enemies as well as it is for it's distinctive soundtrack. It features a blend of classical music, original tracks and remixes from it's predecessor Gradius. It's only fitting that a game that sees your penguin spaceship tasked with taking down a giant bikini girl, should have an equally bizarre soundtrack.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 (Dreamcast, 2000)



The only reason that I am not looking forward to Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 is because they've tried to justify it with a story. You just know it'll be some run of the mill alternate universe bullshit and they have to team up to destroy a greater evil, blah blah, blah.....
Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 relished it's own irreverence. It made no sense that these characters would be fighting each other and that's the way it should be. MVC2 was comfortable with this, an element perfectly echoed by it's characteristic soundtrack.

I think this would be referred to as some sort of 'lounge jazz'. Whatever it is, it didn't fit with the game in any way at all, which made it all the more appropriate. The game and it's music were a heap of unrelated elements, all thrown together in a blender to create one of the most distinctive and eclectic games of all time. The character select music was easily it's most memorable track and one that loops in my head almost constantly.

Kirby's Dream Land (Gameboy, 1992)



I've got a terrible memory - something that would have me convincing myself that I never actually played videogames as a child. I did, of course, play more than my fair share, but it often takes a little push to get my memory retrieving data correctly. Playing the likes of Smash Bros -with it's integrated Nintendo history archives- is what usually gets the motor running. Music such as this from one of the first games I ever completed is the kind that sets me off a a nostalgia bender. I'll spare you and stop here.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive, 1992)



Apart from their distinctive art direction and subtle blend of speed and precision platforming, some of the greatest achievements of the Sonic series can be attributed to it's soundtrack. Sonic 2 featured varied soundtracks that were specific to each world or 'zone'. Each of them set the tone and formed just as much an integral part of the world as the art design did. Selecting a favourite was pretty difficult, just know that Chemical Plant Zone was a close second.

Juri - Perfekte Welle/Rock Band (Multi, 2007)



You may have already heard of a Rock band outfit by the name of Try For Cannon. Being based in Europe, Try For Cannon were lucky enough to see Juri's Perfekte Welle included on the disc. Having re-titled the song Perfect Welt, Try For Cannon have truly made it their own and it regularly features in their playlists.

I think this is what passes for rock music in Germany. In the video, as you can see, the band really likes to hang out on the beach. I think this is more out of necessity than choice because their strict parents threw them out for their hard-rocking ways. Juri's hard-rockingness is perfectly captured by this heartfelt song about a girl and her precious flower. Juri is in love with a boy and she wants to give him her perfect welt. As we all know, a Lady can only give her perfect welt away once, so this song is a lament from Juri as she agonises over this tough decision. She realises that her welt will only be perfect once and is worried that her true love will not feel the same way about her once her welt has been broken. More than anything, she wants to give him her welt, but she is scared that he is only interested in her for it's untouched perfection.

So, there we have it. Nearly a regular feature. Tell me I'm a good boy and I'll do this again.

Satanic Rock Band Ritual

Me and justtherightbullets have been playing Rock Band's career mode as a 2-piece for what feels like over a year now. Whilst it has been a long and arduous journey, we have always felt satisfied with our progression. Lately, however, we began to stagnate. Our fans and star count remained at a steady middle ground and our band, it seemed was destined for mediocrity. This was our future, until......WE TOOK THE DARK LORD SATAN INTO OUR EMPTY HEARTS! THE DARK MASTER FILLED US WITH RAGE AND AWESOME SHREDDING POWER - THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE NEVER BEEN HARNESSED BY MORTALS!!!! Try For Cannon is now totally thrash as fuck! If you don't believe me, just check out our star count.

DARK LORD WE PRAISE YOU! REIGN IN BLOOD! SCREAMING BLOODY DEATH!! BRWWARRRGGHHHH!

Summoning the Dark Lord is a lot easier than you would think. All it takes is several pints of blood, a willing vessel (or an unconscious one at least) and an open and willing heart. We are now well on our way to our 1 million fans achievement, thank you Dark Lord.

Got the MetalGear blues

Not being a PS3 owner and having a job that involves selling shiny new copies of Metal Gear Solid 4 on a daily basis can take its toll. It is no surprise that I'm pining for some tactical espionage action and there is no hope in sight that my beloved 360 can deliver it. Short of finding 350 quid lying around, I must admit defeat and find other things to do. I know I'm not alone here, so I've compiled a list of things that you can do whilst you wait, save or just plain avoid Kojima's latest bizarre opus.

1. Try out new and exciting pasta combinations:

Beefburger, sundried tomato and red pesto is fucking amazing. It really shouldn't be. If I had MGS4, I would have settled for some plain old Italian sausage combo. With an open and uncluttered mind I was able to see just how fantastically diverse the humble burger is and how it perfectly sits side by side with the acidity of the tomato.

2. Perfect your Liquid/Solid Snake impressions:

It may only serve to increase your sense of emptiness in the short term, but after a while you will begin to realise that there is no greater satisfaction than confusing your family and co-workers with a pitch perfect delivery of a gruff "A HIND-D!?" or a deliriously camp "WELCOME BROTHER!".




Pop Fact: Cam Clarke has the best voice ever! He's not in MGS4 though. What a load of crap.

3. Play Rock Band:

It's better than Guitar Hero 3 in every conceivable way. Queens of The Stone Age's 'Sick, Sick, Sick' is an absolute motherfucker but also the most satisfying rhythm-action experience I've ever had. First guitar, then drums and mic. If you're British you may start to think that alternatively, you are half way to affording that PS3 with MGS. Don't look back now, stay strong and forget the past. You've achieved so much!

4. Watch a movie:

You'd be sitting still watching the bloody things for hours on end anyway. Replicate the Metal Gear experience on the cheap by playing Splinter Cell for 15 minutes at a time and then watching the Lord of the Rings Director's cuts in the breaks.

5. Watch Metal Gear Awesome for the 100th time:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/297383
Because it is just that. (Awesome) *heh*

6. Find a friend and watch him play it:

If you can find a friend with the game, invite yourself over their house, get the kettle on and settle in for the day. The odds are that he is better at it than you are anyway, plus you won't have to deal with any of the frustration. Sit back, shout things like "hide in that bin!?" bust out some of your well-practiced impressions and try to figure out what that little monkey is all about.

The Faux Bot

I'll give you 'enter sandman' ya little prick

I kid, really I do. I shouldn't toy with paedophilic humour, but if you know the song and you've seen the video then you'll have to admit that this headline is the wittiest thing I've conjured up in ages.

This kid absolutely destroys Enter Sandman's drum track on expert and I can't help but be a bit jealous. Not only because I can't afford my own Rock Band set up, but because there's no way I'd have the talent or patience to get this good. I suppose the only thing that comforts me is that Little Stevie here, or whatever his damn name is, clearly has to drum his way into daddy's affections. No shirt, skinny as hell. What does that tell you? That the only way to get good at Rhythm Action games is HARD WORK, something that Stevie's dad knows all about. Sure, he's cold and hungry now, but when he earns that shirt after 100% completion of And Justice For All... he'll know its true value. Work hard now, sit on stacks of cash and women with your very own shirt when you reach the top of the international leaderboards.

Is he doing the kick pedal as well? I can't figure out how that works. It looks hard enough with just the four pads.

Also, Youtube now hosts a number of videos of guys who have filmed their girlfriends playing Wii Fit in their underwear, but I'm not going to post them here, we're far too high-brow for that.

The Faux-Bot