Dear Capcom: Let's be friends

Why do you visit this site? I can guess that your answer falls into one of two categories:

1. I bullied you into doing it.
2. You love to read my ridiculous sweeping generalisations and witness my frequent, over-opinionated U-turns.

Well friends, may I present you with a thorough lashing of the former.

I've taken just about every opportunity available to get across my point that I think the Japanese have totally fucked this generation up, in software terms at least. By that I mean that western developers seem to be consistently trumping them, no matter which console they develop for. One game- other than Street Fighter 4- may be the one that has me seeing the error of my ways; that game, is Lost Planet 2.

I was mildly interested in Lost Planet 2 when I heard of it's announcement, being a fan of the first and generally being a fan of any game that has robot suits. Looking at Lost Planet 2, it's unique art design, stunning dystopian environments and over sized bosses, I start to think that this is why people love developers like Capcom. In short, this is what Japanese developers SHOULD be doing.

Video Games | Lost Planet 2 | E3 09: Extended Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

The other feeling that I get from watching this footage, is that I remember being promised a game with such scale and intensity last year. That game was Gears of War 2. As fantastic a game as it is, Gears 2 only shows you it's sense of scale, never really immerses you in it. When you take down that huge boss, you're frozen behind a helicopter's turret, when there's a war going on, you're stuck on top of a moving platform called Betty.

My favourite part of Gears 2 was chainsawing that worm's arteries. All decorum aside: that shit was fucking rad! But I'm looking at the Lost Planet 2 boss footage, replete with it's semi-ironic glowing weak spots and thinking "you know what would be cooler? If I could hook that motherfucker in the eye, get on his back, like some proper Starship Troopers shit! WOOO!" ....ahem, sorry.

Video Games | Lost Planet 2 | Captivate 09: Mighty Emergence Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

The other thing that bothered me about Gears 2 was it's 'story'. Those guys have emotions? I thought they were the ultimate badass space marine types. I guess they wanted 'depth'. Point is, most storytelling and game characters are rubbish and it often sullies a good time. Lost Planet 2 will probably have some story, but you're not a character, just an empty avatar.

I've got a whole series of things planned concerning the importance of character coming this week, so stay tuned if you want to chip in or just listen to me going on some more. More to the point though, it'll make it all the more clearer as to just why I think having an editable, non-specific avatar in Lost Planet 2's single player campaign is another one of it's major strengths.

To summarise: Lost Planet 2 = RAD and I've done another U-Turn.

The Faux Bot

You thought we wouldn't notice..

Since it's release I've been both amused and a little depressed with the idea that Resident Evil 5 is so desperately playing catch-up with Gears of War. Ironic, that a series so heavily reliant upon ideas forged in Resident Evil 4, should now be miles ahead of its one-time mentor. This serves as the perfect example to how the Japanese have totally fucked up this generation: Western software and to a smaller extent western hardware both rule the roost.

As if more evidence were needed, I thought I'd share this with you - the navigation pages for the Resident Evil 5 homepage and for the Gears of War homepage:


Notice the similarity? And let's not forget that Gears' multiplayer is included in the retail price. Up yours Capcunt/Cuntcom, I love watching you lose.

via youthoughtwewouldntnotice

The Faux Bot

..........Finally.

That title doesn't just refer to my return to posting, but also to the fact that something cool just got announced. MAX PAYNE 3! Darn tootin'. I never saw this one coming, I guess I should have after the movie, which probably enjoyed some moderate success and helped to bankroll another game.


Lately I've had a lot of disappointment (I'm looking at you Resident Evil 5). Games so often start out well for me these days, all impressive with their HD biceps and glistening textures. Then the veneer begins to peel and a realise that I've been here before, a million times and I deserve better. In most cases it's easy to just let bygones be bygones and accept that the world is made up of a million different views, but when it comes to gaming I somehow can't back down. I get this horrible feeling that if we all keep gobbling up whatever the masters pour into our trough and never seriously question it's quality, then we'll keep getting fed the same old bullshit. I enjoy Resident Evil 5, but to call it a 'current-gen' game is an insult. I was happy enough playing it, until the surprising wisdom of my wino father showed me the light. And I quote: "It looks pretty, like, but I've seen it all before." And so have I. Countless times I've fought those generic bosses, wielded those tried-and-tested weapons and guided those 2-dimensional 'heroes'.

Nowadays, I'm going to start expecting to be disappointed. Optimism doesn't work kids, at least not in the gaming world. Dan Houser, I will hold you personally responsible if come this winter, you deliver me Max Payne HD. Simply put, don't fuck this up Rockstar.

Another point before I go: With Capcom now challenging Scamco Bandai in the dirty thief DLC field, I think it's only fair that they be re-branded as either Capcunt or Cuntcom. Charging for a difficulty level in Mega Man 9, unlock keys for SFIV costumes and omitting Resi's multiplayer for an additional fee are their most recent crimes. Utter cunts.

The Faux Bot