Dear Jessica Chobot...

I think this has gone on long enough, don't you? Really, this just isn't on. Where the hell do you get off being smoking hot and talking about games? I suppose you think you're 'all that' knowing that you fuel the sweaty-palmed wank-fantasies of a million repressed teenage xbox users as they blossom into sexual maturity. I bet you have a running total of the volume of semen spilled in your honour, all across the globe.


Well, I'm here to tell you, Jessica Chobot that I know exactly what you're up to- I know your game and I'm not playing. Being well-versed in game knowledge and having press photos of you taking a dump 'like a dude' does not impress me one bit. Frankly, you are a cocktease. How long will you keep this up? Surely it must be bothering you, too. Why don't you drop the charade, you must be exhausted. I know that when you are giving me tips on how to make a guy tap out in UFC, what you really want to do is come around my place with an equally smoking friend - probably Katy Perry, I'm sure you hang out - fill a paddling pool with baby oil and just get down to it. You know what? I am totally cool with that. You don't need to pretend any more.


And just what kind of name is 'Chobot' anyway? I bet it's not your real name, but your marketing guys thought it would be cool that you sounded like a videogame character. Well guess what: It worked. Just like the photo of you reading an Anime magazine on the crapper and that one with your hands down your trousers....'like a dude'. Bravo Team Chobot, you have successfully crafted a cockteasing powerhouse, the likes have which have not been seen since Konnie Huq.


So yeah, Jessica whateveryourrealnameis, fuck you.............................................................................. call me.

The Faux Bot