Happy 25th

Taking some advice from my loving family ('get into the spirit you miserable bastard') I thought I would post at Christmas with a special message. I would like to remind everyone not to forget to spend some quality time with your Love Plus girlfriends this Holiday. If you haven't bought them presents it's probably too late, today being Christmas day and all, but some wine and Christmas cake/turkey leg will make up for it. They need love too.

No more Super Street Fighter updates (or a lot less anyway)

I know the constant boner for all things Street Fighter must wear some of you down and for that, I apologise once again. It's hard not to talk about a game that I love so dearly, especially when the news and rumours concerning the upcoming Super SF4 are so scattered and fragmented - I feel a sense of duty to collate them here. No longer need I feel this way though as I have now discovered http://iplaywinner.com/

Their Street Fighter and beat em up coverage is far superior to mine and one of the best, most dedicated sites I've found in a long while. They obsess of the minute leaks and glimmers of information just as I do, so whenever you want to know what's happening with Street Fighter, just check there from now on. In short, it's like a more casual and amusing version of

http://shoryuken.com/

If you need more convincing, check out this intriguing shot of the character select screen that confirms our 'proper bit of news' from a while ago (here) that stated there would be 10 characters added to the roster.

Staying on that topic, rumours are now abound that there will be another brand new character accompanying Juri - an Arab grappler by the name of Hakan. I'm hoping that this turns out to be true as I'm a big fan of grapplers, not to mention how much of a shame it would be to see this parody video to be made in vain.

Swagbag update

My most sincere apologies to anyone whom this may have affected. Basically, the micropolll embedded voting thing is fucked. I can re-embed the html but all the results are now gone. Also, until last night, I didn't realise that you could vote several times just by clearing your cookies. I set it to limit one vote per IP address, but unfortunately, there seems like there was a way around that too.

This is only a minor setback though, I just need your patience and understanding. As of now, we are taking votes again through both email and comments. Only registered Google/Blogger Id's will be counted in the comments so if you don't have one, sign up or just e-mail your vote to thefauxbot@gmail.com

You can comment on either this post or the post with all the entrants in, as I understand some of you already have.

In retrospect, I should have done it this way from the start, but we live and learn and here's hoping for more streamlined and more successful giveaways in the future. Feel free to shout at me in the meantime though. Obviously the swag won't be making it in time for Christmas now, so I will be extending the closing date for votes until 1st January 2010 - giving plenty of time for lost votes etc. to be re-acquired.

Again, I can't apologise enough. Make sure you let your voters know the changes and hopefully this will all get back on track. Best of luck.....again.

Oh yeah, and did I mention how sorry i am?

For fuck's sake

Anyone watching the results or trying to vote may be experiencing some difficulty right now. I ma too drunk to sort it out right now but I'll check back tomorrow. I guess this is what I get for using free html, right?

Fucking Micropoll.com

Sorry everyone, will get this sorted asap.

The Split-Screen Christmas swagbag big awesome giveaway bonanza! VOTING TIME!

My, my. This has all come together quite nicely so far. All the entries are now in and submissions are closed. The time has come to vote for your favourite entry and help your favourite creator to win a whole bag full of swag. The air outside is cold and crisp, so why not step into our lovely, warm gallery and take in some art:

click to embiggen

To view the entries as their original posts, click the relevant name: Vandalworks Yeah Roy D4WG justtherightbullets Token Gestures Sir Gadd Cr0nt

Take your time and vote with honesty. I will be closing the poll this Sunday - that's the 20th - to maximise the chances of the goodies arriving in time for Christmas. Please be nice and don't try to cheat the poll, instead just tell everyone you know to come and vote. More traffic = better giveaways in the future! Creators, I fully expect you to vote for yourselves, and why not. I'm not going to tell you my vote, to avoid any accusations of favouritism. I plan on casting it tactically when a few are already in.

I'd like to take this chance to thank each and every one of you who entered and have continued to support the site, you all make it worthwhile. Seeing the entries all presented, having the poll up and getting to give this stuff away has made my year, so thank you all again - you bring a tear to my eggy shell. I am flattered that people would give up even the smallest amount of time.

What's good, blud? Littlebigplanet, brap, brap!

I have a rough idea who these pair of cunts are. Two fuckwitts who hijacked the successes of Dizzee Rascal and Wiley to springboard their own brand of mainstream pop/grime crossover shit, right? It's like pop, only ghetto, yeah? Like N-Dubz but without the redeeming factors of being hard-working and self-made.

Sony really have their marketing heads screwed on super tightly here. Because, you see the problem with Littlebigplanet is that most people think it's a 'bit gay'. I swear that 9 out of 10 people think it's for young girls and/or the homosexual gentleman. Every time I sell a console bundle with it included, I get asked 'Can I please trade this one in? Yes, right away please. No, I don't want to even try it.' Well, if there's one thing that Sony's marketing department know, it's who's 'in' right now. N-Dubz were unavailable, because they were off somewhere being generally offensive to eyes and ears, but these two crusty jizz-streaks had the day off from confusing tweens and parents alike. Sony were in the market for some much-needed 'street cred' and so this unholy union was formed. Good job, Sony. As someone who also feels that they are 'down' with 'the kids' I can honestly say that this was a very shrewd move indeed. Very shrewd.

Did I mention how shrewd I find this move?

The Split-Screen Christmas swagbag big awesome giveaway bonanza! Seventh entry update!

Yeah, that's right, two in one day. BAM! Right there, readers! I always wanted to talk to people like the Beano characters talked to me. Look ma! I've made it! Now I'm doing it, just like Dennis The Menace!

The seventh entry into our illustrious giveaway is brought to you by none other than our current Street Fighter champion - Vandalworks. As a result of his success and all-round awesomeness, Capcom approached both Vandalworks and Split-Screen to collaborate on a special DLC pack for Super Street Fighter 4. Naturally, we said yes, but insisted on creating our own artwork. Here it is:

The DLC package will feature Vandalworks as a playable character. He plays almost identical to Gouken only he has guns and is invincible. He also has an attack that features vicious dogs. VERY vicious. The pack will be made exclusively available to PLATINUM Xbox Live members only. What? You don't have a PLATINUM account!? Just Gold? You pathetic turd!

Anyways, contest ends tomorrow! Vote or die!

The future is more pink thank orange

Its been a busy week for companies announcing new games, whether initially cryptically as the Dead Space 2 'art' piece was intended to be or the announcement that the original cast of Left 4 Dead will appear in the upcoming (Spring 2010) DLC for Left 4 Dead 2. Also the trailer for Halo:Reach and the imminent God of War sequel. There was also the announcement of Batman: Arkham Asylum 2 at the Spike VGAs.

Video Games | Batman: Arkham Asylum II | Spike VGA 09: Exclusive Debut Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Add into this the January-April release schedule (and the new Borderland DLC coming before new year) which includes some amazing looking sequels and some great new titles and the next 6 months look set to be very rosy for video games indeed.

Will all this choice mean that sales will be lower? Has pushing games back to avoid Modern Warfare 2 had the opposite effect than was wanted (we know that Left 4 Dead 2, Tekken 6, Borderlands etc. all still sold well)? It remains to be seen. What will you buy?

The Split-Screen Christmas swagbag big awesome giveaway bonanza! Sixth entry update!

Holy shit, we've actually got a proper competition on our hands now! Yet another entry that made me blurt coffee all over my monitor, like the nerdy weird kid who laughs at everything and shoots his panda pop everywhere when he does - you don't really want him to sit at your table, but you let him just to watch the freakshow.

Anyway.....our sixth entry(s) is brought to us by the ever-supportive Yeah Roy, or Jon/Charles/Phil as I like to call him. He is a pretty rad dude and when not buggering around in MSpaint, he can be found hanging out in the sewers of New York City, skateboarding, practicing his Kung Fu and eating pizza with his 'bros'. Over the years he has sported numerous interesting hairdos, all of which he wore 'very well' according to Vanity Fair.

Now you may be wondering why there are two entries and I would love to be able to tell you. But, I'm going to allow it, seeing as the votes will be cast towards the creator rather than the creations. Today is the last day for entries, so anyone else out there who still wants to steal away a years worth of free game crud had better get moving. For all those already sitting pretty with their entries, I suggest you start telling your nearest and dearest that you'll be expecting their votes, so ram the blog address down their factpipes until they fart you out a winning vote.

The Split-Screen Christmas swagbag big awesome giveaway bonanza! Fifth entry update.

This bowl of pure awesome with crushed nuts comes from the one and only Token Gestures. Amateur Headquarters players quake at the very mention of his gamertag and now all of you fellow competitors shall fear it too as you witness the panache and ingenuity displayed within his entry. Behold:

These guys are Guitar Heroes are you?
Top left: Mark Chapman- Close friend of John Lennon
Top right: Marvin Gaye Sr.- Father to Marvin Gaye not surprisingly
Bottom left: Dr Conrad Murray- Personal physician of Michael Jackson
Bottom right: Courtney Love- Spouse of Kurt Cobain

Only one more day left for entries you fuckers, it closes on the 16th, so last minuters get it sent over to thefauxbot@gmail.com

Like, NOW!

God Of War 3 Demo Impressions (in the style of a 10-year-old)

God of War 3 is brutally violent to the extent that even know-it-all desensitised gits like myself find themselves chuffing at the screen after each instance of spectacular bloodletting. Platformer staples such as swinging ropes/chains are abandoned in favour of another opportunity to butcher something; Kratos jumping from beast-to-beast, ripping them in half when they've fulfilled their purpose. Rad.

It is the kind of game made to appeal to 10 to 13 year old boys and men who's mental age falls within the same bracket (i.e. me) so it's only fitting that I write the rest of this review in the style of my 10 year old self.

"Right, so there's the first bit and your jumping on the birds and you can see their boobs and you kinda fly on them but then you rip them in half!!!! Then you fight all these skeletons and you've got these chains which are all going like BRAAAKKKSHH WHHAARSHHH FRKRAAAASH and they're whipping all over and you can jump and smash and if you grab the baddies you can rip them in half again.


Then there's this bit where you fight this monster who's a snake a lion and like a goat and you cut all those bits off him and blood goes everywhere. There's a giant on fire and a man on fire in a flying horse and cart and he's throwing more fire at the giant. You help the giant by throwing fire at the man throwing fire and he dies. You go down to beat him up and all these baddies with shields show up and do that thing like the Romans so you've got to beat up this cyclops and ride him and make him smash the shields. The best bit is when you finish riding him and you get to kill him because you rip out his eye. You've got to tap the button cos it's like what ripping an eye out feels like and there's blood going everywhere and all the cables are going FRRRTCH PLTCCHHH and you hurt him so much that he dies. Then the man from the horse and cart is on the floor then and you grab him and rip his head right off and he's screaming ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHH when you do it and then you get to keep his head to find secrets.


After that you beat up more baddies and then there's a flying bit and that is harder than the rest. Then you go to beat up the fire giant but then that is the end of the demo and you don't get to beat him up but I think that when I get the proper game I will get to beat him up and hopefully pull all bits off him like the cyclops. Ripping the cyclops' eye out was the best bit."

Swagbag contest finishing soon!

Entries for the Christmas swagbag giveaway will be closed as of Wednesday this week, that's the 16th. So anyone who still wants to enter better get their arses into gear! After that, all the entries will be re-posted for your judgement. Voting will most likely take place via email, for unregistered readers and through the comments for those with accounts. For those who didn't enter, please at least make sure to cast your vote.

For anyone still on the fence here are the latest additions to the swag.


Some delightful Overlord figurines, a Prototype artbook, a Resident Evil zombie surgical mask, C.O.D. MW2 wristbands, an Avatar t-shirt and a Lego Rock Band keyring.

Posts will get a little erratic now, with Christmas making me very busy and very tired, however, I will be encouraging everyone to submit a few words to speak up for their Game of the Year 2009 and will be posting coverage of our as-yet untitled new year's gamesfest.

Sure to Sell Millions

its been pretty obvious just how popular MW2 has been, I've played it a fair bit now, and I'm having a quite a lot of fun, but now my attention is elsewhere.... thats right....

MW3!!!!!

this looks so good, it simply cant be true...

Bayonetta: I just don't get it.

I, like many, played the Bayonetta demo yesterday. However, as usual, I seem to have put myself in a minority group by not really enjoying it. Edge gave the game 10 out of 10. It is perfect in their eyes. Whilst I'm sure that they do indeed bum the hell out of the game, I feel that the main reason they scored it as 'perfect' was to further their efforts of becoming the western equivalent of Famitsu. The Japanese 'gaming bible' also gave Bayonetta a perfect rating (on the 360 at least) with a score of 40 out of 40.

I can appreciate the work that went into the game. It's animation is seamless, combat is both effective and deep and the latex-clad pistol-shoed heroine was a winner from the start. It deserves it's praise, I can't really dispute it's quality. The part I'm having a hard time coming to terms with is how no-one is marking it down for the sheer cheek of it's creator. I can imagine Hideki Kamiya's pitch right now:


"So, yeah, guys. Basically, it's Devil May Cry 6, only this time you're a chick."

Wow. What a fucking genius. What an inspired creative mind. If Capcom didn't retain the rights to Devil May Cry, I'm sure Bayonetta would have never existed. This game is Devil May Cry 6 in everything but name: the gameplay, the ridiculous plot, the tongue-in-cheek self reflexivity, the outrageous design and let's not forget, the ham-fisted mis-use of religious imagery.

I find it hard to believe that this guy also created two of my favourite games - Viewtiful Joe and Okami. Which brings me nicely to my finishing statement which largely undermines everything I just said. If this guy basically re-made Viewtiful Joe at Platinum Games, I would lap it up. I never liked Devil May Cry anyway.

This is when I'll be interested

Project Natal since its announcement has seemed completely useless to me. I couldn't possibly imagine anything this system did having any influence on me whatsoever.

Seems I didn't think of using it to play eroge. Well, someone did and they edited a picture which I can honestly say is hilarious- the best touch of course is leaving the family in the background when they could have easily been cropped out^^.

(Click to enlarge)

Take note Microsoft, give the people what they want.

Mega(man)Deth

Megadeth and videogames? Sounds like a perfect Saturday night. Wait, where's the beers?


Yeah, I wish I had done this too.