The Skate 2 Trash Talkin' Throwdown: Round 2

Oh! Like that is it? Mock my failings with pictures of a saggy-boobed unfortunate, some sort of despotic director whose only claim to fame seems to be screaming at people more unfortunate than himself? Cajoling the deluded, who don't seem to be aware of sound crews, cameras poked directly in their stupid faces and the contracts they signed beforehand paying them a pittance? Fie! For shame!

See this? This is me, taking off the gloves. Why yes, they are fine Italian leather, but that's not the point. Now watch me cuff you soundly across the face. This challenge was a mere aperitif, and all it has shown me is that your technical skills are somewhat lacking. Yes, you can do rather pretty footplants, and I'm sure they will impress the impressible with their most spectacular nature. But you need to learn about the fine details.

Not only was your Koko B. Ware picture severely poor (where's the parrot? Sort it out!), but you can't even embed videos correctly! If you had seen the right hand side of the video, you would have seen a second skater I was controlling do a perfect 360 footplant off of TV's Adam West. But no. You "conveniently" need to sort out the kinks.

So I'm going to set you a challenge that will fulfil both a sense of the spectacular with an appreciation of the trimmings: Best stairset. All tricks in the line that blatantly are used to mount, scale or dismount the set count. All else is so much fumes.

Let the great experiment begin!

Paperboy


God, he does go on, doesn't he? Maybe if he spent less time finely crafting his words, then he would be able to spend more time dedicated to making a half-decent video. In case you had difficulty deciphering the facts in amongst such a flowery use of language, here they are:

Paperboy lost round 1 and is none-too-pleased about it.
Round 2 is dedicated to stair-sets; the best line or trick that involves a staircase. The line is the 'trimmings' to which Paperboy refers, so make sure to watch the presentation of the trick as a whole, but most importantly, just vote for whichever one you found to be the best.

Round 2 is proudly sponsored by Dr. Tobias Funke and Teamocil.


The Faux Bot

The Skate 2 Trash Talkin' Throwdown: Round 1 - The Result

Well, I suppose it was inevitable that I'd end up having to announce myself as the winner for this first round. It's a shame really that so much had to be said and done before we reached this inevitable conclusion. Realistically speaking, this piece could have easily been written at the beginning of the week and saved Paperboy from such a thorough public humiliation. So, in summary and just in case there is any doubt:

THE FAUX BOT WINS ROUND 1


If you wish to refresh your memory with my awesomeness, I suggest you scroll down for the embedded video. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you that voted for me and condemn those who had the chance to do so but remained silent. You know who you are. Dicks. Round 2 will be announced as soon as our gracious loser (non-winner) throws down a challenge and is so-called, not just because of it's chronological position. The 2 also means twice! Twice the radness! Twice the trash talking! And twice the amount of votes! Here's hoping...

The Faux Bot

A Dead Rising 2 trailer you say?

When I was told about this yesterday, I instantly cried 'bullshit!' and I continued with my day, blissfully ignorant. The key point is that yesterday, I had not seen the trailer and I easily dismissed it as either someone getting their wires crossed with the Wii version of Dead Rising, or one of those horrible fake movies that mock you for following the link to a clearly fake trailer. I've had a few of those before, they suck.

Now that I've seen it, dubious as it may seem being filmed off a home screen, I want to believe that it's real. If this is fake, you've have to applaud it's creators for being so convincing. As always, I'm being incredibly naive, but I find it hard to believe that someone would go this far just for Youtube hits. You be the judge.



There's enough here to get me excited, whether it's real or not. I just desperately hope that Dead Rising 2 is more than a mere case of 'new weapons, new location'. There was a tonne of missed potential in the first Dead Rising, even more so in retrospect as I feel that the medium has genuinely evolved since it's release. We gamers expect a lot more post Gears of War, Littlebigplanet, MGS4 and GTAIV, to name but a few. Here's hoping that Capcom made a wise choice with rookie developers Blue Castle and that they aren't afraid to try new ideas, regardless of their experience.

The Faux Bot

What do you think, real or fake? What ideas do you think should make it to the sequel? Use the comments kids, I opened them up just for you. If you knew the spam it gets me, you'd appreciate it more, I swear.

A Thank You/A Big Announcement

Sometimes, a little effort goes a long way, doesn't it? As much as I enjoy writing here and discussing games in general, my motivation will often be lost to long days at work, or a busy schedule (yeah, right....) The point I'm trying to make is that I am genuinely grateful to everyone for their participation with the Skate 2 feature and I sincerely hope that the support continues. We need your comments to actually make it work and I couldn't be more genuine when I ask you to spread the word to anyone else who may be interested. I would love to build a community here, maybe even get a proper website, complete with messageboards, forums, the lot. But it can't be done without a readership and the recent show of support, however minimal, has shown me that it can be achieved with a little effort.

Also, I would like to say a special thank you to Paperboy for his orchestration of the competition, his continuous enthusiasm and giving me the first fully-formed feature that this blog has seen.

Now I'm sure you've heard this sort of hyperbole from me before, right? And I'm guessing you're pretty cynical, right? You have every right to be, which is why I refuse to sit still. Now that the Skate 2 feature is assured some sort of lifespan, I have cunningly began to plot my own nefarious scheme and by that I mean another feature. February 20th is a very special day for many of my friends and associates. If you care, you will of course know that this is the day that the console version of Street Fighter 4 sees it's UK release. To celebrate this, I would like to officially announce the upcoming Split-Screen Street Fight 4 Tournament. More awesome title is pending.



Have you taken that in? I'm not kidding. Due to a lack of a venue and a PS3, this comp will be strictly limited to 360 players only, sorry Paperboy. But should you wish to compete, I offer you the use of my XBOX as all matches will be somewhat determined by my schedule anyway. My intention is to referee via XBOX Live's part system, allowing the combatants to duke it out whilst I oversee and officially record the results. If there is no sort of spectator system in the game, then we shall just have to make do. Most of the details will become clear when we've all had a little hands-on time with the game and I know my what my boundaries are, however, for now, here are the facts:

- If enough of you get on board, this WILL HAPPEN
- I will be overseeing the event as a sort of referee
- There will be a Street Fighter-related prize for the winner, which I will be buying and will gladly send out via post.

So there you have it. Get on board, get prepared and get suggesting. Please use the comments box to let me know if you are even mildly interested and if you have any more suggestions, be it related to the competition structure, promotion or that all important prize. C'mon, who doesn't want to try and win some Street Fighter swag?

Zangief is in, are you?

The Faux Bot

The Skate 2 Trash Talkin' Throwdown: Round 1 - Footplants

Alright, this one's for all you potential Chuck Norrises out there. Make like Dodgeball and get judging because after all the trash talkin' there's only one way to truly decide the victor. Post your comments, sign up if you haven't already and help us crown the king of the footplant.

Watch & Judge:

Paperboy:


The Faux Bot:


CAST YOUR VOTES IN THE COMMENTS SECTION

The Skate 2 Trash Talkin' Throwdown: It's Awwwwn!

Ah, silly silly little faux-tot. Macho Man Randy Savage? You're not even Koko B. Ware

When I first threw down this little challenge to you, I never expected you to actually go through with it. I mean, look at you! Your trick-stick hand is horribly misshapen through years of porn abuse - abuse which you present as a badge of pride. You're like a puppy that has had their nose rubbed in their own shit, and is now bounding around the carpet nuzzling against the pristine white leather furniture.

What is more, your use of skating vernacular leaves a lot to be desired. I would never call my pearly whites my grill, and the only way you’ll be coming at me from all directions is as you stand in one spot and I pull off yet another perfect 360.

Let’s face it, your New Era cap-covered brain is overheating from all of the mental dexterity even your simple insults have generated. Meanwhile, the only heat my verbose and pithy repostes create is in the chests of well-endowed women. They do not call me the wordsmith extraordinaire for nothing! I’ve written for the Western Mail you know!

But very well, I will humour you and accept your challenge. I’m guessing you mean a footplant / beanplant – heavy video rather than a video depicting skater death. I cannot wait to see the faces of your former friends as they mock and chide you in the streets, as I drive by in my fancy new convertible bought from my winnings, cape blowing in the breeze, monocle protecting me from particularly watery eyes…

Paperboy


Now I consider myself to be a fairly casual individual, not one to often be associated with such trash-talk and related throwdowns. But you, sir, have shaken me. It is not so much the content of your verbal attack, but it's mere existence.

It is clear that you live in a land of pure fantasy, which is fitting given that you are indeed some sort of writer. I imagine that in your head you are quite 'the man' and the idea of you somehow besting me is in no way fantastical, but simply the truth. Maybe all that time you spend on 'Home' has dulled your sense of competition and you've become both soft and delusional. A sort of Frank Spencer type, a clueless powder-puff.


Have no fear, I will soon shake you back into consciousness with a display of awesome that is so awesome, that not even putting AWESOME in caps could do it justice. Do you know why they put footplants in Skate 2? It's because I figured out how do do them in the first game. Everyone petitioned for their inclusion in the sequel, just to take me down a peg. Despite the ease with which I can pull them off nowadays, I'll still take great pride in dropping one just to belittle you.

The Faux Bot

Don't call it a comeback.

A shiny penny to whoever gets that reference.

Usually, I have some sort of excuse for my long absences between posts, but this time I swear to you I have a genuine reason. No Internet for over 2 weeks! Can you believe that? That means no porn, no free communication and no Left 4 Dead. Needless to say, it's good to be back. Once again, I come bearing a gift, this one being a fantastic competition! Hold onto your johnsons though, it's not the kind where you, the reader, gets to win stuff, but more the kind that is a display of prowess between to eager competitors.

Me and my Skate-kin Paperboy have finally bridged the console barrier and will embark upon a duel of skill, the likes of which have never before been witnessed on this humble blog. That's right, Paperboy, I'm throwing down, I'm bringing it from all directions and very much getting up in your grill. Until now, the lack of a unifying platform has prevented us from competing, but the brilliance of Skate is about to change all that.

Through Skate's Skate Reel feature, we will be competing to better each other in set challenges of skill and the art of talking trash. I, myself have been schooled by Macho Man Randy Savage and have absolutely no fears. I can throwdown with the best, talk 'em so hard that they bleed and they reconsider life. Ooh yeah, you better feel it. But seriously, I rule and will win.

So, Paperboy, think you've got what it takes to better my toe-tagging skills? That's right, I said toe-tagging. Me and you, we're gonna make ourselves a toe-tagging video, post it through Skate Reel and see who's the best. All we need now is for you guys (our mammoth readership) to post your responses to each video/photo and vote for which you think is the best. If you read this and don't have a Blogger/Google account then now is the time to get one because we need all the input we can get. Tell all your friends and please help us make this a feature. Dean, I'm pretty much directly talking to you because you know plenty of skater-types and people who play Skate. Get on it.

So now you know the rules, stay tuned for the competitors and some top-drawer trash-talkin'!


The Faux Bot