If you don't tell me to stop now I'm going to keep doing this.
This stupid idea is owned by Split-Screen but all the images used are the property of Capcom and Konami. Please don't sue us if you want this to go away, just ask nicely.
This morning I felt much better about spending money on 'non-essentials' when I saw this:
It's every Xbox360 game that has been released in Japan. I wont get into how it's even more strange/impressive given the 360s standing in Japan but instead would like to applaud the dedication! It's good to know everywhere in the world people are spending too much money on luxuries they don't need. Honestly I'm not surprised though, people will collect almost anything so I'm expecting some similar pictures from the West in response to this soon.
You do have to wonder however if the person who owns these has played them all. I'd guess the majority of these games have not been anywhere near a 360 disc tray. I wouldn't criticise though, how many of us can claim not to have a single unread book lying around or a DVD we haven't got around to yet? Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.
As is so often the case with these blog posts, there was gold to be found in the comments:
"It looks like much at first gaze, but then you compare it to the cars people buy, or the mortgages people took on their houses and suddenly this fellow appears to be perfectly sane. $30k on video games, why not." - Asbestos_Underwear
Fair comment... If I could drive my games to work or literally live in them.
This is why I'm offering you, the public, the chance to win this Dhalsim Conversion Kit. Or, as they're more commonly known, a tshirt. I had it free from a website with SSFIV, and as I'm an incredibly large oaf I thought I'd have fun with it and give it away. Heres the beauty!
If you want to look like my all time favourite stretchy man then simply send me an image of you doing an impression of any streetfighter character you so desire. Points awarded for hilarity and anything else that floats my boat. vandalworks@hotmail.com is the email address, you've got til Friday and its open to anyone who reads this! Tshirt size is L.
By now I would have thought most of you have seen this new trailer for Call Of Duty: Black Ops. The question is - as in my witty post title - do you give a shit? Does that trademark night-vision goggle start-up sound get you all sweaty-palmed any more? Amidst all the controversy concerning the brand, Activision and Infinity Ward, not forgetting that Treyarch are always playing second fiddle, the next Call of Duty needs to be like a sparkling sapphire in a quagmire of dog shit.
That said, if I was ever going to care about another Call Of Duty game it'd be this one. Espionage, Russians, Major Tom; all that Cold War stuff really starts my engine. More importantly, it makes with a break from tradition, after all, being sick of the Gulf Wars is the new being sick of the World Wars.
I know, it's only a teaser, but they've hinted at the right things here: cosmonauts, Vietnam and the prospect of being 'forced to remember'. That means you've seen some bad shit. You repressed it and now the evil government scientist want to crack open your brain like a raw egg. If this game is about fucking up some dudes that want to smash your mind open and getting to go into space then sign me up.
As much as I enjoy the setting, I'm curious as to whether a developer as hackneyed as Treyarch can nail the tone for a Cold War game. The trailer follows the standard format: heartbeat synchronised fade-ins and outs, explosions that are all like brawwwwsh and that audio cue that sound like a string section being sucked into a vacuum. If they're breaking with tradition they should at least have the guts to go all the way and not just slap a Cold War skin on the same old shooter. My advice: go play Snake Eater and stop watching Michael Bay movies.
Sometimes fate, God, Karma, whatever you want to call it, deals you a helping hand. For instance; whatever cosmic force is currently pulling my strings has obviously taken note of the fact I am trying to distance myself from using my dick as a form of expression. In all of it's wisdom, my secret deity has generously provided me with a game that is so adorable and innocent that describing my erection to express how I felt about it would be all sorts of wrong and justify all those kids that shout 'nonce!' at me on the way to work.
Ilomilo is the new XBOX Live Arcade title from Swedish developers Southend. Right now, it may not be a name that many are familiar with, but Ilomilo looks to be a unique and brand-building title that recalls the simplistic, hand-stitched charm of Littlebigplanet and the platform/puzzle gameplay of the little-known PS1 title Kula World.
If, like me, you loved Southend's Commanders: Attack of the Genos then you'll have another reason to look forward to Ilmilo. Commanders was an under appreciated turn-based strategy. Largely down to it's genre, it didn't garner much attention, in spite of it's solid mechanics and stylish, retro-futurist art direction.
Ilimilo, with it's sugary, hand-crafted visuals and charming soundtrack should bring some much-deserved attention to Southend and judging by the attention it's receiving so far, should provide the studio with a well earned hit.
If you didn't grin like a fool throughout the duration of that trailer then check your pulse, you black-heart. Maybe the years of seal-clubbing or working at the abortion clinic have dulled your emotions. Maybe you miss the lack of phallic imagery or maybe you think you're too cool for school. Even Amon Amarth would dig this shit and those guys are fucking vikings! Come on now, you wouldn't want to let them down, would you?
Technically speaking I'm really behind the times on this one, but I'm sure you'll forgive me, knowing as you do that it is very difficult for me to fit things in around my busy schedule of jerking off, drinking and playing videogames.
Today I find myself in awe. I am filled with a distinct sense of joy and pride, just knowing that such nobility exists within the human race. The object of my affection is Fami Fami someone who, in their great wisdom, has seen fit to edit boobs onto various NES/FAMICOM games. I'm sure you'll agree that this is the sort of thing humans were really meant to be doing with their time. Curing cancer - fuck that. Developing medicines - suck my dick. Exploring space - explore your mother's ass. Putting boobs on 8-bit NES sprites - pinnacle of civilization. This is where the Romans fucked up. If they had just started drawing tits on pictures of fully clothed ladies with photo editing software we'd all be speaking Italian and eating and fucking until we puked.
As something of an added bonus, this quest -as I'm going to call it- has also enlightened the world by showing us the reality of April O'Neill's tits. That yellow jumpsuit is the kind of thing that haunts my fantasies. I was going to write on here some more today but I think I may just go on a Turtles Hentai pilgrimage instead. See you tomorrow.
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