PADTHROWERS ANONYMOUS: EPISODE 1

So, to clarify, this ongoing segment is dedicated to those among us with Gamer Rage, or more specifically, those whose rage is manifested through the throwing of the pad. When a Gamer forcefully ejects the pad from their hands, they are not thinking logically. Their tolerance snaps and, the first thing to hand, the pad in this case, receives severe and unjustified punishment.

For this first edition of Padthrowers Anonymous, I wish to provide a cautionary tale, in the hope that other, more fortunate, padthrowers out there will see the error of their ways and the potential disaster that lies ahead.

Padthrowing, for numerous reasons, is retarded. It makes no sense. How could it be the pad's fault that some motherfucker chainsaws you? Logically, they probably have a faster connection than you, or you aren't at your sharpest so should probably call it a day. However, as I mentioned before, logic does not enter into the mind of the padthrower. The enraged gamer will be convinced that higher powers are at work here, that somehow, someone, somewhere is purposely trying to fuck you over, to hurt you and push you over the edge. The thought process is short and irrational and just as you see your beloved Marcus Fenix get cut in half, the pad leaves your hands and travels with great speed and unexplained precision towards the hardest surface available. The battery pack leaps out of the sinking ship and your television, as if screaming at you for being such an idiot, demands that you PLEASE RECONNECT THE CONTROLLER!! "I CAN'T RECONNECT THE FUCKING THING! DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BACK HALF IS! FUCK!!!!"

So where are you now? Left with a destroyed £30 piece of equipment, a dangerously high blood pressure and some little turd screaming through your TV speakers about how he "PWNED U LIKE A N00B!" This isn't good. Now you're even worse because you're angry at yourself. But it will keep happening. So wake up. If you suck, switch off. It is the only way for your pad to survive.

Whether you can sympathise or not. When put in text, the thought process and the actions of the pad thrower are completely illogical. I can only hope that your pads are saved from the same fate as mine.

With that said though, if you are a padthrower, please share your experiences with us. We are here for you. You are amongst friends. Discretion assured.

The Faux-Bot