Sunday, 5 August 2007

A Week Is A Long Time in Videogames

....So it would seem. I find it pretty hard to keep up with regular updates, so here is a nice little re-cap of MY week in videogames. In an original, witty and entertaining Top 5 format.

1. That whole Resident Evil 5 Racist thing.....
Quite easily my favourite, specifically because it blew over so quickly. Some loudmouth extreme lefty saw fit to criticise a medium that she had absolutely no understanding of. She accused the game of being racist for it's depiction of a white hero massacring hordes of Black savages. She mouthed off and hundreds signed up to the site where her blog was hosted just to take her down. Hilarious. 9/10 of the posts were smart too, many criticising her for doing more damage than good. Needless to say, she was quickly and effectively shut up to the point that comments were disabled, a victory for freedom of expression and common sense, not knee-jerk left wing activism. Her misguided statements reminded me of just how misunderstood Videogames are, I look forward to a time where the majority of people don't blindly assume that all games are aimed at children, despite an effective and clear classification system.

2. EA's Skate. Gets release date AND Demo
Thank the lord. I was going out of my biscuit tin over this one. I can no longer pretend that Tony Hawk's Project 8 is close to real skateboarding by putting it in Slo-Mo. My virtual clean lines are perfected on there and I get no reward, Skate is the game I have always been searching for. The Demo arrives on XBLA in about 9 days and I can get the full game for my 360 on Sept. 14th. Things are looking up. Check back for my upcoming Hype-Pipe for Skate after the Demo gets released.

3. Bioshock Special Edition
I'm a cynical bastard at times and as much as I love my 2-disc collector's edition DVD's, special-edition games have always put me off a little. Bioshock changed all that with it's embossed metal tin, soundtrack, special features DVD and 6 Inch Big Daddy figure. There's nothing more to be said, it's gonna be boss. Expect photos of me clutching the goodness around the end of this month.

4. GTA IV Delayed
As my man Bojack already pointed out, not exactly great news, but we must look at the positives, right? I mean, it will undoubtedly be better with more polish and it's not as if 360 owners won;t be swimming in quality games this Christmas anyway. Even the PS3 seems to have got it's arse in gear for a decent offering to the Baby Lord. So, in summary, no biggie, but still.........rats.

5. Ummm, I didn't really think this out, I've only really got 4 and I've got this kind of sicky taste in my mouth from these fucking foul mini Snack-A-Jacks. Maybe that's why they're better for you than crisps, cos you boff them when you finish. Ah, OK, Marathon Durandual, is that how you spell it? That made me sick too, into my hat, fucking bleeaarggghh. Digital Sick. *&^%$£"^*)(*^%&^$£

The Faux-Bot

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