Sunday, 24 May 2009

Dear Jessica Chobot...

I think this has gone on long enough, don't you? Really, this just isn't on. Where the hell do you get off being smoking hot and talking about games? I suppose you think you're 'all that' knowing that you fuel the sweaty-palmed wank-fantasies of a million repressed teenage xbox users as they blossom into sexual maturity. I bet you have a running total of the volume of semen spilled in your honour, all across the globe.

Well, I'm here to tell you, Jessica Chobot that I know exactly what you're up to- I know your game and I'm not playing. Being well-versed in game knowledge and having press photos of you taking a dump 'like a dude' does not impress me one bit. Frankly, you are a cocktease. How long will you keep this up? Surely it must be bothering you, too. Why don't you drop the charade, you must be exhausted. I know that when you are giving me tips on how to make a guy tap out in UFC, what you really want to do is come around my place with an equally smoking friend - probably Katy Perry, I'm sure you hang out - fill a paddling pool with baby oil and just get down to it. You know what? I am totally cool with that. You don't need to pretend any more.

And just what kind of name is 'Chobot' anyway? I bet it's not your real name, but your marketing guys thought it would be cool that you sounded like a videogame character. Well guess what: It worked. Just like the photo of you reading an Anime magazine on the crapper and that one with your hands down your trousers....'like a dude'. Bravo Team Chobot, you have successfully crafted a cockteasing powerhouse, the likes have which have not been seen since Konnie Huq.

So yeah, Jessica whateveryourrealnameis, fuck you.............................................................................. call me.

The Faux Bot


Jon Davies said...


Folie A Deux said...

Dude, I've just visited Jessica Chobot's aka Dr. Chobotnik's (wince) IGN page and must admit I'm impressed with the images you chose for your post. Taking the high ground over pictures of her in a bikini and pictures of her licking a PSP, I applaud you.
I would like to take this opportunity to suggest an idea for a weekly feature called 'the nerds toss-bag' in which I choose a picture... well I'm sure I don't need to explain further.


Chobot said...

I think you're right.

I SHOULD wrestle Katy Perry.

I heard she once kissed a girl and liked I might have a chance.

-Chobot (it's my real name).

JohnnyG said...

HA you guys got owned...