Split-Screen: A Videogames Blog

Mad Gear Solid

2010-05-17T12:11:00.003+01:00

The future is here. It's not very Orange.

Some of you may be aware that we have grander ideas for our humble community than just letting you get your lulz at TFB's genitals. We have taken the first step on this road and I'd like to introduce you to Mad Gear Solid.

At this very moment we don't have our finished style (that'll take me a while) and only have a blog in place. But from small seeds great oaks do grow.

Expect in the coming months our finished front page, with links to the blog (which will have the same aesthetic as the rest of the site), downloadable goodies and more from your favourite game nerdz. We will shortly be leaving this little page behind. For up to date (and eventually early) info you will need to go to madgearsolid.com. You have been warned.

So, do go over, sign up, if you need a contributor account email me with your preferred username and email address - if you can't find out where my email address is then you don't get one (or you could click on that little picture of Haggar up top and get it). I am the God of these things, but The Faux Bot might also be able to hook you up. If you ask him very nicely.

Boobs are dangerous

2010-05-16T23:49:00.002+01:00

We all know that boobies can be a whole load of fun. But we should also know that they can also be distracting, which often leads to danger.

I don't know how they did it, but some geniuses figured out a way to get said boobs into Team Fortress 2 and harness their jugular, distracting powers. Watch and laugh...

Via Sankaku Complex

Review: Lost Planet 2

2010-05-16T18:25:00.006+01:00

On paper, Lost Planet 2 sounds fantastic: team-up to take down huge bosses using a plethora of cool weaponry and robotic suits, customise your character with unlockable items whilst levelling up in both the campaign and multiplayer. However, like everything else in life, all of this comes at a cost. In exchange, Capcom wants your sanity, your sense of equilibrium and about three control pads. In short, it is one of the most frustrating games I have ever played.

Lost Planet 2 is full of epic visuals, slick art direction and the kind of strong ideas that you'd expect in a Capcom game. The problem is, nearly all of them are so poorly implemented, or marred by another, flawed feature, that every session will leave you feeling sore and only looking at the negatives.

Capcom has clearly focused their efforts on making Lost Planet 2 a sequel in the Hollywood sense. It most certainly is bigger and packed with new features. Some of the giant boss battles are genuinely impressive and convey a sense of scale that would make Cliff Blezinski weep. Unfortunately, by diverting all their attention into those huge bosses, Capcom have forgotten to address the issues from the first game and have even created new ones that could have been easily avoided were they paying more attention to the basics.
Rather than pitting you against legions of Akrid, you now spend the majority of your time duking it out with other gun-toting, Vital Suit riding snow pirates. Gone is your sense of power, the variety and the arcade pacing that made the first one so much fun, instead leaving you with a run-of-the mill cover shooter without a cover system.

In single-player mode the game is rendered almost unplayable at times, thanks to some brutally retarded AI. One sequence in particular tasks you with defeating one of the huge 'Category G' Akrid using a mounted railway cannon. This sequence involves having to manually load it with huge shells, then energise them, rotate the cannon to the correct position and then get in it, aim and fire. All the while, your train is being rammed by the giant Akrid and you are being swarmed by smaller, 'projectile' Akrid. It doesn't end there, either. You also have to monitor your train's declining health bar, running to the bottom after every second or third Akrid attack, to inject coolant to stop the thing going up in flames. Oh, also if you fall off, it's instant death and back to the beginning of the entire level, not the boss battle, the ENTIRE LEVEL. Now, this may be totally manageable with three team mates, but the fuck-awful AI would rather watch as you perform each task yourself. Seriously, it's almost as if they are mocking you; they even occasionally will pick up a shell, as if to rub salt in the wound, showing what, in a fair and just world, they should be doing to help you.

Next time a game markets itself as a 'team-up' experience, really take that into consideration before you purchase it. The AI renders whole sections of the game unplayable, leaving you wishing for the uninvolved, checkpoint activating nonsense that comprises the other 90% of the game. The game is criminally shallow at times, posing you with little more to do than find another data post, each time insisting on another, ill-conceived reason that you would be doing it, usually it's to facilitate some sort of evacuation procedure. Most of the time I felt like the world's unluckiest cartographer.

I wish there were more nice things to say about the game, I truly do. As a die-hard Capcom fanboy, I wanted to love this game and bought it over Alan Wake, telling myself that I should always support the things I love, like when I bought Brutal Legend over Uncharted 2. I know, I know. Lost Planet 2 almost goes out of the way to frustrate you. One moment you'll be admiring the lush scenery, marvelling at the sense of scale, eyeing up a new piece of robotic hardware and the next, you'll be throwing your controller, because you can't for the love of God understand why they won't allow you to use your grappling hook mid-fall.

Even the promising unlockables system is let down by some frankly bizarre systems. Rather than collecting character parts and weapons in-game, you collect points. However, these points can't be spent on whatever you want, but instead you must use them on a 'spinner' (read: gambling machine) that nine times out of ten dishes out titles and taunts rather than anything of any actual use. You could be forgiven for thinking that the game was purpose-built to frustrate and annoy.

Lost Planet 2 had everything going for it, but is ultimately let-down by it's refusal to address the issues from the first game, adopt a user-friendly control scheme or steal from Western action games. It's as if they think Western gamers desire little more than online co-op and competitive modes, forgetting that the successes of Gears of War and Call of Duty are down to their tight mechanics and even tighter execution. It's a shame, because in the hands of more forward-thinking, or even contemporary developers, Lost Planet 2 could have been incredible.

What the eff are you playing?

2010-05-14T19:36:00.003+01:00

In an effort to bring all of us reclusive fucks just that little bit closer together, I've decided to take a risk on a wild, new feature that I have semi-consciously stolen from numerous other, less dick obsessed, websites. I am drinking beer and eating pizza alone and very shortly I will be playing Lost Planet 2....alone. Anyone else being a reclusive mouth-breather this Friday evening? Then tell us what you're playing. Go on, please. We may even engage in some sort of conversation. Imagine that! The possibilities!

I figure there's a few playing the newly released Alan Wake, make sure to drop a comment to let everyone know what you think. Is it worth my forty quid?

Also, now taking witty title suggestions if this works out.

Oh, Gabe

2010-05-13T14:59:00.002+01:00

For those with adequate PCs and an interest in independently created games, Valve have recently bundled together 5 of the best independent games available into one package.

For a measly 15 bucks you will get the following awesomeness

1. Machinarium

A glorious steam punk point and click puzzler. It has won various design awards, and a Google search will help you see what they are. It's cute, fun and at times hugely mind bending.

2. World of Goo

Does exactly as it says on the tin. You create structures using orbs of goo in order to get another set of goo balls to an exit. Which is far more addictive than you'd think.

It has its own mini-game as well, which is World of Goo Corporation, where the aim of the game is to build the largest towers or longest bridges which is also quite damn addictive.

3. And Yet It Moves

An interesting torn paper aesthetic and a fun twist on puzzle platforming make this a good, if short game. As you play you run, jump and can rotate the world in order to make it from A to B whilst avoiding obstacles. Pretty run of the mill. Until you read it again and notice the rotate the world part. This can make all the difference.

4. Osmos

Here you play a single organism (called a mote) and the aim is to absorb smaller motes to make yourself the largest mote in the level. However, there are motes that are already larger than yourself, be absorbed by them and its game over.

Last but not least we have

5. Galcon Fusion

This post is getting too long so this is from wikipedia:

Players start with one planet and send off ships to conquer other planets around them. The numbers on each planet indicate how many ships it will take to conquer them. The numbers on a player's own planet indicate the amount of ships that their planet holds. Each planet a player owns produces ships for that player with more ships at a faster rate produced depending on the planet's size. Players can select what percentage of the ships to send from a planet and players can redirect ships in midair. The aim of the game is to defeat the other opponent(s).

Individually you would usually pay that price for Machinarium alone. This is one of the best deals I've seen since The Orange Box came out. Please jump on it. These independent developers need all the support we can give them to continue providing us with non-FPS clones all year long.

Also, chuck another 3.99 on top and you can get the excellent Winterbottom. Which you all know I <3 hard. The Faux Bot has now had his pretentious view that it is 'Braid for dummies' smashed and seemed to enjoy it (okay, he was at gunpoint and worried about his glossy dick at the time but still!).

If you still have doubts, download the machinarium demo, see that it is glorious and then get this - you get 4 other awesome games for free!

Oh, Ash

2010-05-12T10:02:00.002+01:00

Via Skull Swap

Figure ambivalence - Vesperia

2010-05-11T22:19:00.001+01:00

After a few weeks of looking at the first batch of Tales of Vesperia figures from Kotobukiya, the second collection is finally out for pre-order:

First collection:
Second Collection:
I can honestly say I'm torn. They're not terrible by any means, but somehow not great either. These are characters I always had high hopes for if they ever released figures, but it looks like a bit of a mixed bag.

At first glance things look promising, but then you start to notice little details. For example Yuri and Estelle's faces are not quite right, and Raven's hair, while well sculpted, is way off and gives the character a wholly different ( read:wrong) look.

Being released in sets of 5 (One hidden figure in each box- silhouettes reveal them as Repede and Duke) is off-putting for me also, I might have taken a punt on a few (including the two that are not pictured- typical) if I could have picked them up separately. Only time will tell if they get individual release, but I'm doubtful.

Perhaps they're awful and I'm in denial as I wanted to love these so badly, or perhaps they're actually pretty good but I hoped for perfection. I'm not sure. What I do know is with so many top grade figures out there at the moment it's hard to part with the cash if you're 100% convinced. After all this though, I still can't make up my mind >_<.

Photos from Tomopop

Fallout: New Vegas Collector's edition makes my genitalia tingle

2010-05-11T22:13:00.004+01:00

Seriously, I feel that it is now OK to start talking about my junk again. I reckon I lasted about a week and I genuinely feel as if I have learned some important lessons. For instance, I now understand that sometimes it's fine to talk about your dick and balls. Sometimes they are glossy and/or aroused and people will want to know about these sort of things, from time to time. That, right there, is the key lesson: 'from time to time'. In short, I have learned that it is only acceptable to talk about one's junk in certain situations; situations like Bethesda's announcement of its Fallout: New Vegas Collector's Edition.

It contains:

Lucky 7 poker chips. Each of the seven poker chips was designed to represent chips from the major casinos found on the New Vegas strip and throughout the Mojave Wasteland.
A fully customized Fallout: New Vegas deck of cards. Each card in the pack has been uniquely illustrated to depict characters and factions found within the game. Use the cards to play poker, blackjack or Caravan, an original card game that was created by Obsidian especially for New Vegas!
A recreation of the game's highly coveted "Lucky 38" platinum chip.
A hardcover graphic novel "All Roads," that tells the story of some of the characters and events that lead up to Fallout: New Vegas. "All Roads" was written by Chris Avellone, the game's creative director, and created in conjunction with Dark Horse Comics.
The Making of Fallout: New Vegas DVD. This documentary DVD will contain exclusive video content, including interviews with the developers in which they take you from concept to creation and discuss topics such as story, setting, legacy of the Fallout franchise and more.

Stolen from Destructoid

Fellow wastelanders, let us unite our boners and pledge to buy this wonderful display of unnecessary ownership and commodity fetishism. I tell myself that constantly buying this crap is OK because it's going to form a nest-egg for my future children, who will inevitably be ruthless little fuckers willing to sell their father's prized possessions the very instant that he shuffles off his mortal coil. Go get 'em, tigers, this one's for you.

Jamie Foxx really is Lynch

2010-05-11T07:51:00.003+01:00

Wow, for real!? I thought everyone was joking up until this point. Already one of my favourite franchises though, so I'm willing to give this a chance. Can Foxx do schizophrenia?

Confirmed by Empire Magazine's Twitter

LITTLEBIGPLANET2!

2010-05-10T14:14:00.003+01:00

Just got made official! Looks adorable as all hell, right? Makes me want to go back an do something creative with the first one, but that might have to wait until after Lost Planet 2. I know this will be everywhere, but my motivations for posting it are entirely selfish, you see I need to know what that music is! Internet sleuths, tell me! hopefully I will have an answer when I return.

What are your thoughts? Now it's going to be about making your own games rather than just your own levels with Media Molecule boss Mark Healey being convinced that the title will see creators giving birth to entirely new genres, is this blind optimism, genuine, or marketing guff?

If only the Lost videogame was really like this

2010-05-10T11:51:00.002+01:00

By Penney Design

Via Super Punch

I am not a target market (or at least I wouldn't be if I didn't enjoy buying things so much)

2010-05-10T11:20:00.004+01:00

The infamous words of Johnny Rotten appropriately set the tone here: “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” If only we paid a little more attention, us ‘modern gamers’ would find ourselves answering ‘yes’ to this question on a regular basis. I could use numerous examples to illustrate my point here; the scourge of subscription fees or even DLC swindles, but I’ll resist the temptation in order to bring something else to your attention, something you may not have given much thought – the horror that is the ‘exclusive beta’.

The idea of a Beta itself is not one that I oppose. Games like Halo Reach will greatly benefit from their beta testing – allowing it’s designers to fix glitches and rebalance the gameplay before retail release. Reach’s Beta serves so many purposes; it’s findings directly affect the game’s development, it gets the fans hyped and it makes them feel as if they are an important part of the design process, which they naturally should be. My issue is more with the frequent misuse of the term: when developers describe a humble demo as a beta. They deliberately abuse the term to make their game seem all the more important, to give it an air of exclusivity and make us want it all the more. They invite us to ‘take part’ rather than simply ‘download’ and so many of us are willing to participate. I’ll admit, I’ve done it a few times now; sat on Twitter waiting for codes and gone through shitty, long-winded registration processes just to get myself a beta code. Not once did I ask myself the right questions: Is this actually a Beta? Is there a feedback system in place? Is there really enough time between now and the game’s release to implement any of this feedback? Nearly every time, the answer would have been ‘hell no’.

If you’re wondering why publishers and developers engage in such seemingly deceitful and devious behaviour, the answer is quite simple. They aren’t pure evil nor do they get off on hoodwinking you, it’s just that they’re getting a bit desperate. Right now, we are experiencing one of the gaming industry’s most fruitful and productive periods. Naturally, there are a great number of games all vying for our attention, desperate for us to send our hard-earned coin in their specific direction. Nothing wrong with that. Go capitalism. The problem for the companies is that competition is tougher and they have to come up with more imaginative and elaborate ways in which to make us believe that only they deserve our patronage. In times such as these, the ‘Beta’ is a marketing man’s wet dream. Getting customers to work for a code instantly raises brand awareness. You can tell your friends, you can gloat and you were aware of and thinking about that one particular game the entire time you were doing it. The process of working for the beta code is a persistent form of advertising and every time you gloat, every person who follows your words, makes you the guy with the digital sandwich board. Before you realise it, you’ve allowed yourself to be marketed to and you’ve done somebody’s job for them. It wouldn’t be so bad if you’d got paid, but all you were left with was a shitty demo for a game that nobody really cared about until they identified the distinct whiff of exclusivity.

My heart goes out to the various marketing departments that try these tactics, because my better nature believes that it was probably the last resort. When the previews and trailers aren’t paying off, poor little Johhny Marketing Department has to resort to the false beta to drum up some interest before release. I want to buy these guys a book filled with Donald Draper wisdom so that they may see the error of their ways and I pity them because it’s a tough job. On the one hand you’ve got disgruntled, loud-mouthed gamers like myself who scarcely have an eye for anything that isn’t made by Capcom and on the other you’ve got jaded games journalists who have to play the same old crap day-in, day-out. Simply put, there’s always going to be a lot working against the marketing of any game, especially with the shelves being so crowded.

Publishers and their marketing departments continue with this sort of behaviour for one, simple reason. We, the gamers, allow them to. Every time we cue up for a demo masquerading as a beta, we are telling them that this shit works. As consumers, we should remain stalwart, sensible and demanding. There will always be plenty to play, so stop running around and stop allowing yourself to be marketed to. Those marketing guys get paid tidy sums, so make them work for it. Every time we get over-excited at the whiff of something being even mildly exclusive, we are doing someone’s job for them and sending out the message that they don’t need to try with the products any more, because the marketing works like a dream.

Chun-Li and Cammy restyle

2010-05-08T16:59:00.003+01:00

If you were wondering where to go for your nerd boner today, look no further! Courtesy of Incise Soul here are some images of the Street Fighter duo - Tecmo (Ninja Gaiden) style.

SanCom's Artefact put it more amusingly than I could: 'Fans of the female cast of Street Fighter finally gain some welcome respite from the colossal thighs Capcom has lately seen fit to grant them'. Heh. More pictures on his original post.

I can't say I prefer these renditions over the originals, or that I've ever contemplated a female Street fighter cast with regular thighs, but they're definitely worth a look^^.

Big-up the 'buff

2010-05-08T15:49:00.006+01:00

If any proof was needed that igglybuff's Blanka was a bad-ass motherfucker here it is. This picture was accurate as of yesterday (7th May) and he is still active (when he's not drinking beer or playing with kittens), so watch your ass if you see him lurking around in the SSFIV ranked lobby.

'Number one in Europe, bitches' - igglybuff 07/05/10

Don't fuck with The Haggar part 2

2010-05-07T20:05:00.002+01:00

When my boy, Grant, promised me a Final Fight painting for my birthday, I was both flattered and a little excited. Five months later and I am expecting some sort of renaissance masterpiece. Almost daily I shouted at this motherfucker to finish my goddamn birthday present but the prick teasing continued as the snow melted and the leaves turned green.

Fortunately, the saga is now at an end so it's without further ado, that I am honoured to present you all with a rendition of Final Fight's heroes that would make Leonardo proud.

Excuse the crappy photo.

Why didn't they change Blanka!?

2010-05-05T20:06:00.003+01:00

One for all the Street Fighterz: Burgy just made me shoot milk out of my nose. Why aren't you subscribed to him on Youtube yet? What are you, some sort of jerk?! Don't be a jerk.

Two Street Fighter Fan Films in a week? FFS!

2010-05-05T19:28:00.003+01:00

I admire this kind of dedication and level of fandom. I'm the kind of nerd that just spends money on stuff to prove to other just how 'into it' I really am. Hats off to these guys then, who went out and made pretty decent tribute films to the ever-awesome Street Fighter.

Unfortunately for the guys that made this first one, they didn't realise that there was a higher-budget, Capcom-sanctioned one in the works. BAM! DENIED!!

Beginnings End (the lower budget one)

Street Fighter Legacy (the sanctioned one)

Both look pretty awesome for what they are, but unfortunately both feature nerdy weaklings that makes them look like little more than dedicated cosplayers. I don't think these characters were ever intended for live action. What about you, which one looks better?

It's called a road. It's called a Rainbow Road.

2010-05-05T13:29:00.006+01:00

Internet 1 - 0 Everything Else

I think this might have something to do with the meaning of life, but I might be reading too much into it.

Bear Untitled

2010-05-05T08:08:00.001+01:00

Bear Untitled - D.O. edit from Christen Bach on Vimeo.

Hard-hitting emotions, lovingly rendered in 8-Bits.

MADAL GEAR SOLID

2010-05-04T15:34:00.004+01:00

EPISODE 1:
click to embiggen

If you don't tell me to stop now I'm going to keep doing this.

This stupid idea is owned by Split-Screen but all the images used are the property of Capcom and Konami. Please don't sue us if you want this to go away, just ask nicely.

Obsessive game buying

2010-05-04T12:59:00.001+01:00

This morning I felt much better about spending money on 'non-essentials' when I saw this:

It's every Xbox360 game that has been released in Japan. I wont get into how it's even more strange/impressive given the 360s standing in Japan but instead would like to applaud the dedication! It's good to know everywhere in the world people are spending too much money on luxuries they don't need. Honestly I'm not surprised though, people will collect almost anything so I'm expecting some similar pictures from the West in response to this soon.

You do have to wonder however if the person who owns these has played them all. I'd guess the majority of these games have not been anywhere near a 360 disc tray. I wouldn't criticise though, how many of us can claim not to have a single unread book lying around or a DVD we haven't got around to yet? Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.

As is so often the case with these blog posts, there was gold to be found in the comments:

"It looks like much at first gaze, but then you compare it to the cars people buy, or the mortgages people took on their houses and suddenly this fellow appears to be perfectly sane. $30k on video games, why not." - Asbestos_Underwear

Fair comment... If I could drive my games to work or literally live in them.

Via Kotaku

Everyone Loves Freebies.

2010-05-04T12:16:00.005+01:00

Right?

This is why I'm offering you, the public, the chance to win this Dhalsim Conversion Kit. Or, as they're more commonly known, a tshirt. I had it free from a website with SSFIV, and as I'm an incredibly large oaf I thought I'd have fun with it and give it away. Heres the beauty!

If you want to look like my all time favourite stretchy man then simply send me an image of you doing an impression of any streetfighter character you so desire. Points awarded for hilarity and anything else that floats my boat. vandalworks@hotmail.com is the email address, you've got til Friday and its open to anyone who reads this! Tshirt size is L.

Anyone give a shit about Black Ops?

2010-05-04T11:14:00.004+01:00

By now I would have thought most of you have seen this new trailer for Call Of Duty: Black Ops. The question is - as in my witty post title - do you give a shit? Does that trademark night-vision goggle start-up sound get you all sweaty-palmed any more? Amidst all the controversy concerning the brand, Activision and Infinity Ward, not forgetting that Treyarch are always playing second fiddle, the next Call of Duty needs to be like a sparkling sapphire in a quagmire of dog shit.

That said, if I was ever going to care about another Call Of Duty game it'd be this one. Espionage, Russians, Major Tom; all that Cold War stuff really starts my engine. More importantly, it makes with a break from tradition, after all, being sick of the Gulf Wars is the new being sick of the World Wars.

I know, it's only a teaser, but they've hinted at the right things here: cosmonauts, Vietnam and the prospect of being 'forced to remember'. That means you've seen some bad shit. You repressed it and now the evil government scientist want to crack open your brain like a raw egg. If this game is about fucking up some dudes that want to smash your mind open and getting to go into space then sign me up.

As much as I enjoy the setting, I'm curious as to whether a developer as hackneyed as Treyarch can nail the tone for a Cold War game. The trailer follows the standard format: heartbeat synchronised fade-ins and outs, explosions that are all like brawwwwsh and that audio cue that sound like a string section being sucked into a vacuum. If they're breaking with tradition they should at least have the guts to go all the way and not just slap a Cold War skin on the same old shooter. My advice: go play Snake Eater and stop watching Michael Bay movies.

What do you think?

Ask Kenny

2010-05-03T21:18:00.002+01:00

Consolevania was amazing. Someone please help me rip it off.

Ilomilo

2010-05-03T18:44:00.003+01:00

Sometimes fate, God, Karma, whatever you want to call it, deals you a helping hand. For instance; whatever cosmic force is currently pulling my strings has obviously taken note of the fact I am trying to distance myself from using my dick as a form of expression. In all of it's wisdom, my secret deity has generously provided me with a game that is so adorable and innocent that describing my erection to express how I felt about it would be all sorts of wrong and justify all those kids that shout 'nonce!' at me on the way to work.

Ilomilo is the new XBOX Live Arcade title from Swedish developers Southend. Right now, it may not be a name that many are familiar with, but Ilomilo looks to be a unique and brand-building title that recalls the simplistic, hand-stitched charm of Littlebigplanet and the platform/puzzle gameplay of the little-known PS1 title Kula World.

If, like me, you loved Southend's Commanders: Attack of the Genos then you'll have another reason to look forward to Ilmilo. Commanders was an under appreciated turn-based strategy. Largely down to it's genre, it didn't garner much attention, in spite of it's solid mechanics and stylish, retro-futurist art direction.

Ilimilo, with it's sugary, hand-crafted visuals and charming soundtrack should bring some much-deserved attention to Southend and judging by the attention it's receiving so far, should provide the studio with a well earned hit.

If you didn't grin like a fool throughout the duration of that trailer then check your pulse, you black-heart. Maybe the years of seal-clubbing or working at the abortion clinic have dulled your emotions. Maybe you miss the lack of phallic imagery or maybe you think you're too cool for school. Even Amon Amarth would dig this shit and those guys are fucking vikings! Come on now, you wouldn't want to let them down, would you?

Via Offworld

8-Bit Tits

2010-05-03T14:06:00.004+01:00

Technically speaking I'm really behind the times on this one, but I'm sure you'll forgive me, knowing as you do that it is very difficult for me to fit things in around my busy schedule of jerking off, drinking and playing videogames.

Today I find myself in awe. I am filled with a distinct sense of joy and pride, just knowing that such nobility exists within the human race. The object of my affection is Fami Fami someone who, in their great wisdom, has seen fit to edit boobs onto various NES/FAMICOM games. I'm sure you'll agree that this is the sort of thing humans were really meant to be doing with their time. Curing cancer - fuck that. Developing medicines - suck my dick. Exploring space - explore your mother's ass. Putting boobs on 8-bit NES sprites - pinnacle of civilization. This is where the Romans fucked up. If they had just started drawing tits on pictures of fully clothed ladies with photo editing software we'd all be speaking Italian and eating and fucking until we puked.

As something of an added bonus, this quest -as I'm going to call it- has also enlightened the world by showing us the reality of April O'Neill's tits. That yellow jumpsuit is the kind of thing that haunts my fantasies. I was going to write on here some more today but I think I may just go on a Turtles Hentai pilgrimage instead. See you tomorrow.

Via Kotaku

More here

Gears death crawl

2010-04-29T14:19:00.000+01:00

A valiant attempt by our own Faux Bot to reach Raised By Finches for aid came to a tragic end Monday night. Minh Young Kim will be missed.

Street Fighter X Triumvir

2010-04-27T22:32:00.003+01:00

Streetwear label Triumvir have been making some incredible pieces of Street Fighter clothing for the past year or so: ranging from graphic tees to their 'Psycho Brigade' collection - for the Shadaloo soldier with style.

Regrettably, I passed on their first line of Street Fighter graphic t-shirts. This is not a mistake I plan on repeating. Knowing how it felt missing them, I thought I'd make you all aware that there will be another line available for pre-order from the Triumvir web store tomorrow (link). I've already bought at least five of them in my head.

Only 2 days 'til SUPER, for us Brits anyway........sad face.....Oh, what's that? Your pre-order has shipped already? GET HYYYYYYYPPPPE!

Split-Screen Podcast Episode 7: Sandwichcast

2010-04-27T20:36:00.002+01:00

Today I have mainly been thinking about sandwiches. In fact, aside from my morning toast, I have exclusively eaten sandwiches today. Even then, toast is sort of in the same genre (the bread genre). It's fitting then, that this illustrious, seventh episode of our almighty podcast is named in tribute to the sandwich. I think we mention them a few times, along with me bumming Capcom, more wild, unfounded statements about the industry and some discussion over the nature of achievements.

Validation, as in comments, is entirely necessary. Thanks for listening.

Download it here

HATERIS

2010-04-27T01:30:00.003+01:00

Hateris sucks. It is evil and nasty and makes me want to cry. I always thought I was half-decent at Tetris. Maybe I still am or maybe I'm missing the point. Either way, this game is pure, concentrated evil. It's the worst kind of evil - the kind with no purpose or clear motives. Right now, I would swear that it's only reason for existing is to upset me.

Hateris is programmed to give you the statistically worst piece every time. It's only saving grace is that the blocks don't fall as in the original game. Right now, my top score is 2. The record is 28. Post your scores in the comments.

Read more here

Play it here

Via Offworld

Video Review: First Play

2010-04-26T18:20:00.001+01:00

I don't know why I did this now. The auto focus thing is horrible and I don't know how to turn it off, so apologies for that and, well, eveything really.

Videogame Music Corner

2010-04-26T10:04:00.006+01:00

Hello all and welcome to the second installment of Videogame Music Corner. This week, we're going to be looking at a few of my favourite in-game tracks. It's by no means a definitive list, more the first five that came to mind.

Parodius (NES, 1988)

Parodius is one of the strangest games I've ever played. It's just as well-known for it's unique roster of characters and enemies as well as it is for it's distinctive soundtrack. It features a blend of classical music, original tracks and remixes from it's predecessor Gradius. It's only fitting that a game that sees your penguin spaceship tasked with taking down a giant bikini girl, should have an equally bizarre soundtrack.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 (Dreamcast, 2000)

The only reason that I am not looking forward to Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 is because they've tried to justify it with a story. You just know it'll be some run of the mill alternate universe bullshit and they have to team up to destroy a greater evil, blah blah, blah.....
Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 relished it's own irreverence. It made no sense that these characters would be fighting each other and that's the way it should be. MVC2 was comfortable with this, an element perfectly echoed by it's characteristic soundtrack.

I think this would be referred to as some sort of 'lounge jazz'. Whatever it is, it didn't fit with the game in any way at all, which made it all the more appropriate. The game and it's music were a heap of unrelated elements, all thrown together in a blender to create one of the most distinctive and eclectic games of all time. The character select music was easily it's most memorable track and one that loops in my head almost constantly.

Kirby's Dream Land (Gameboy, 1992)

I've got a terrible memory - something that would have me convincing myself that I never actually played videogames as a child. I did, of course, play more than my fair share, but it often takes a little push to get my memory retrieving data correctly. Playing the likes of Smash Bros -with it's integrated Nintendo history archives- is what usually gets the motor running. Music such as this from one of the first games I ever completed is the kind that sets me off a a nostalgia bender. I'll spare you and stop here.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Mega Drive, 1992)

Apart from their distinctive art direction and subtle blend of speed and precision platforming, some of the greatest achievements of the Sonic series can be attributed to it's soundtrack. Sonic 2 featured varied soundtracks that were specific to each world or 'zone'. Each of them set the tone and formed just as much an integral part of the world as the art design did. Selecting a favourite was pretty difficult, just know that Chemical Plant Zone was a close second.

Juri - Perfekte Welle/Rock Band (Multi, 2007)

You may have already heard of a Rock band outfit by the name of Try For Cannon. Being based in Europe, Try For Cannon were lucky enough to see Juri's Perfekte Welle included on the disc. Having re-titled the song Perfect Welt, Try For Cannon have truly made it their own and it regularly features in their playlists.

I think this is what passes for rock music in Germany. In the video, as you can see, the band really likes to hang out on the beach. I think this is more out of necessity than choice because their strict parents threw them out for their hard-rocking ways. Juri's hard-rockingness is perfectly captured by this heartfelt song about a girl and her precious flower. Juri is in love with a boy and she wants to give him her perfect welt. As we all know, a Lady can only give her perfect welt away once, so this song is a lament from Juri as she agonises over this tough decision. She realises that her welt will only be perfect once and is worried that her true love will not feel the same way about her once her welt has been broken. More than anything, she wants to give him her welt, but she is scared that he is only interested in her for it's untouched perfection.

So, there we have it. Nearly a regular feature. Tell me I'm a good boy and I'll do this again.

Don't fuck with The Haggar

2010-04-26T09:08:00.003+01:00

If you're foolish enough to go start some shit in Metro City, then you should really watch this first. This delightful little ditty is the cautionary tale that Mad Gear probably wished they'd heard before they decided to swipe Jessica.

Jet Set Radio coming to XBLA?

2010-04-25T22:07:00.003+01:00

A leaked image of an XBOX 360 dashboard shows, amongst others, Jet Set Radio as being a recently played game. It adds weight to rumours of a slew of Dreamcast classics that are set to head to XBLA over the course of the year.

If this is real, then I'm about to reach new levels of wonderment and happiness. Do you know how much I love this game? Obviously, I do, but my ongoing struggle to resist talking about my dick leaves me drawing a blank as to how I can convey this to you. For the foreseeable future, I am unable to effectively express myself.

I had a countdown on my calendar leading up to the release of this game on the Dreamcast and I sank countless hours into completing it 100% - it was then, and in a lot of ways, still is, the most imaginative and captivating game ever.

I wish I could control myself over stuff like this, but then I realise what my alternatives are. It's impossible for me to give a shit about the likes of another Halo game when, by comparison, an up-scaled version of a game I've already cleaned out several times just seems more alluring. Games like Jet Set Radio are something of a forgotten art now. So many titles have such lacklustre mechanics and art direction, that contemporary gamers, or 'the kids' as I prefer to call them, can be forgiven for thinking that there is nothing beyond realistic war shooters and sports sims. I'm sure most are happy with their lot, but the lefty optimist in me sees the potential for this game to be discovered by a whole new generation. Hopefully it will resonate with them as much as it did with me, so that they too may go on noble quests to express themselves without talking about their genitalia.

via Kotaku

Getting a little tired of this crap.

2010-04-25T15:39:00.006+01:00

Living in Britain occasionally sucks more than normal. I've slowly come to terms with living in a land where finding (official release) anime is like pulling teeth, and now it seems we're set to be left out in the cold once again. I am of course talking about the best limited edition set to ever see the light of day- Record of Agarest War.

Why would such a thing not warrant a UK release?! Official OST, pillow case and an oppai mouse pad Amazon.com wonderfully describes as 'sensual'.

Set for North American release on Tuesday (27th), not only is the UK not getting this XBOX giga-edition we're not even getting the game. This XBOX version is apparently a port, and the original PS3 version is available. Can you guess what the PS3 collectors version comes with? An art book, a poster and some art cards >_<. Don't make me fucking laugh, I'd rather not have access to a version at all than have access to an inferior version. The game looks mildly interesting but not a definite buy on its own- that XBOX version swag would have tipped me over the edge, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I let another shitty art-book persuade me of anything.

Paperboy's God of War 3 Review

2010-04-25T14:23:00.002+01:00

THE God of War series has always successfully set up its blood-spattered tent in the mindless fun camp. Rounding off the trilogy on the sleek black powerhouse that is the PS3, Sony Santa Monica could churn out a divine and equally mindless third offering for its congregation, safe in the knowledge that the spittle-flecked zealots would hoover it up in its droves. But this time round, the quality that has been a positive for so long has finally become a negative; when GOW3 is mindless, it runs the risk of being forgettable.

Unlike its main protagonist, however, there is a lot to like about this latest adventure. Kratos's single-handed quest to introduce atheism to Greece on a pile of holy bones has never looked better, and has never played more tightly. The trademark of the series has always been its gallons and gallons of mythical beastie blood, but in truth the secret to GOW is how it keeps such a relentless combo system interesting – a fact that the third series showcases. Yes, there are horrific and winceworthy deaths at the touch of a button for anyone who felt a bit funny watching Hostel, but getting to those deaths is much better than before. The new weapons are infinitely more satisfying than previous gimmick items, and each individual encounter confidently proves GOW's combat has always been a puzzle game at heart. Minotaurs may be stronger than Gorgons, for instance, but if both are on screen you better take the Gorgon out, pronto, or the big bull's launch attack will see you hit the floor in stone-scattered shards.

To even begin to harp on about the graphics would be pointless, as any still shot or moving image proves the game is making the PS3 sing. Special mention should be given to some highly stylised cutscenes and flashbacks, that really add an epic feel to this new retelling of the Greek myths.

Sadly, just as the gods wilt before ol'sour puss Kratos, the skillful weaving of lore long past is hurt by the iconic character of the Ghost of Sparta. As a man who knows my Hermes from my Hercules, the criticisms that have been aimed at the ending by the big sites don't feel justified. But the game is infinitely poorer for turning Kratos into a one-note harbinger of revenge. Of course the point is that he is the “bowling ball with knives” when it comes to solving diplomatic squabbles, and the point is that his methods are gloriously over the top for the player to whoop and cheer. But his complete lack of humanity means there is no connect for the player, no anchor to invest any of our emotions – so why should we feel the emotion of revenge, and of bloody satisfaction? Only 14-year-olds get off on gore for gore's sake – and the 18 certificate proves the game wasn't made to satisfy said squealing man-children, right?

GOW 3 tries to rescue the situation and capture the emotional punch of the first game's quest to avenge your family near the end, but the title has made such an effort to portray Kratos as a stone-cold bastard, his sudden moments of compassion would have made me laugh if I hadn't been so disappointed with their implementation.

Looking back after 12 hours of god-slaying and block shifting, the biggest crime I can levy against the game is that I feel nothing. I made a demi-god's skull resemble a Tetris piece, had unorthodox sex with a goddess while two of her maidens got frisky, and took out more deities than Richard Dawkins looking for another book deal. But unlike God of War and its sequel, I feel no need to breathlessly tell my compatriots about its awesome bits, or even play it again. The core game is as entertaining as ever, but a killer app for your machine shouldn't just be an entertaining diversion to gather dust a weekend later. No matter how skillful the glue holding the wings on, or how thrilling the ride, after three goes this Pegasus has finally failed to escape the fact it's a one trick pony underneath.

-Paperboy

Booby Ladies with Guns and Robots

2010-04-24T08:36:00.003+01:00

Yes, that's right, Lost Planet 2 has it all now. Not only will it be an all-out arcade action masterpiece, but it'll also feature ladies....with boobs!

People may question the practicality of their armour, or even accuse Capcom of blatant fan service. Some may go even further and say that this kind of thing is unwittingly keeping videogames in the dark ages - assuming that all gamers are easily-pleased, sweaty-palmed basement dwellers who can knock one out over the merest glimpse of a set of norks. Not me, though. I think this is amazing and if you don't like ladies, boobs and guns then you are most definitely a homo and need to go back to watching Glee.

Posse Up!

2010-04-23T12:27:00.003+01:00

Every trailer I see for Red Dead Redemption makes me want it that little bit more. Knowing it's not out next Friday is a a silver-lined cloud for me: I have to wait even longer, but at least it won't clash with Super Street Fighter IV.

Every element of this game is giving me a raging hard-on lately; the music, the art direction, oh, and the tonne of modes that it will contain. The idea of forming a roaming posse, getting into 'Mexican' stand-offs and swiping bags of gold has perked my interest in competitive multiplayer for the first time in months. Maybe it's the aesthetic, God knows I'm sick of realistic modern combat, or maybe it's my eternal faith in Rockstar. Either way, I'm confident of Red Dead's ability to deliver on every level.

If it's possible to have me even more sold on this game, then Rockstar have achieved it by announcing their plans for a 30 minute long advert/machinima together with none-other-than John Hillcoat: director of The Proposition and more recently, The Road. [source]
I'd always thought that Red Dead Redemption carried with it a similar style to The Proposition. Everyone looks filthy and degenerate, it has a contemporary, yet undeniably classic western soundtrack and a strong visual sense. Get Nick Cave on board, give Danny Houston a starring role and I'll gush. Everywhere.

Coming up next week: I go on a quest to find ways of expressing my excitement that don't involve talking about my dick or the stuff that comes out of it.

I want a cape made from dragon scrote

2010-04-23T09:47:00.006+01:00

I'm seriously considering buying a Wii now, simply because Monster Hunter Tri looks so badass. It's a game in which you kill huge fucking dragons and then use their body parts/hides to make killer armour and weapons. This is possibly the best concept for a game ever, yet it seems that Capcom are intent on limiting it's audience. Putting them out on the Wii and the PSP just seems counter-productive to me, but maybe I've just got my knickers in a twist because right now I'm not able to wrangle sea monsters onto dry land, beat the crap out of them and use their nutsack as a shield.

This sort of thing is really starting to bother me. Why isn't there some sort of almighty power reading all of these posts and then just sorting things out so that the world pleases me? Is that really so much to ask? I've been plugging away at this blogging thing for a good while now and I've had my fair share of rants and made numerous wish-lists. So I'm calling on you, almighty Internet deity: make this happen. Monster Hunter on either 360 or PS3 in the West and then if you have time, make a patch for Mass Effect 2 that allows me to rail Yeoman Chambers.

Natal rears its head again

2010-04-20T18:09:00.007+01:00

As the first possible 'leaked' pictures' of Natal come out and start doing the rounds, I can't help thinking two things. The first is that hard facts and information are still lacking, and the second is at this point I cannot see a future in which I'm using this system. Of course it's early days and information will come whenever its ready, but with rumours of unreasonable space requirements among other things already raising eyebrows, I've begun to wonder what everyone else thinks?

At this stage, do you think Natal will be for you?survey software

Feel free to elaborate in the comments section. Or not. Jerks.

Tatsunoko Marvel vs Capcom 3

2010-04-20T17:37:00.004+01:00

Well, here it is, the notification of release

I'm hating youtube right now, it's embed sucks - or will until we get our flashy new site. Just right click and view on youtube.com if you're having issues.

For anyone that was sad about TvC being a Wii exclusive can sigh no more - they are seemingly going to be using the very same engine for MvC3. Personally I'm not at all excited by Chris Redfield, if Strider Hyriu is still in I can just pick two more rushdown characters and be ready.

Videogames an Art?

2010-04-20T00:49:00.006+01:00

http://www.whattheyplay.com/blog/2010/04/18/roger-ebert-says-games-can-never-be-art-re-ignites/

Now then, this guy doesnt feel that videogames can be art, and that we, the gamers, will not experience games becoming 'art' in our lifetimes. I felt compelled to add my thoughts on this topic.

You see, I've always believed that gaming, even tabletop gaming has always been looked down upon from people in other fields of entertainment and media. Anytime there is something in the games industry that is seen as being controversal the media whip up a storm. Past posts include the now infamous "titchmarsh" incident, where I'm sure no-one needs reminding of this. But heres my point, most art movements and forms of media where frowned upon upon their births, even after decades. This makes me believe that it doesnt matter what people outside the gaming community think, its about what we, the people who live and enjoy this exciting and still young medium think and feel about the games we play.

The videogames industry will be frowned upon for many more years, and whether it is viewed any differently when I'm sat in a rocking chair retro gaming with Super Street Fighter XX Walking Stick edition I do not care, because I know I'll see moments of utter briiliance from some of the most creative people in any media related industry in the world.

The icing on the cake, is how slowly videogames are inspiring art.

Art to me is all about passing a message and stoking up some emotion, so thank fuck for the experiences I've had in this amazing world we call 'Games'.

Earthworm Jim HD makes me ponder

2010-04-19T23:10:00.003+01:00

Do I need more HD remakes of games I owned several years ago? The list of HD revions that I own seems to be growing by the week. Last week it was Final Fight, this week may see me buying After Burner and we've got this elastic-headed buffoon to look forward to even further down the line.

I'm tempted to say that I'm sick of paying for theses remakes. The only reason I buy them is so that the old games I loved now sit better on my HD screen, not to mention that I'm also being saved the trouble of tracking down the old cartridges and machines that I foolishly sold as a child.

The optimistic outlook is that this is one step closer to a non platform-specific future. It's a while off, but this trend could be showing the beginnings of what the future of gaming will be; emulated games that run on any hardware - giving you a versatile back catalogue that isn't constrained by your choice of hardware.

It's late. Lost is really fucking with my head as I desperately try to catch up with the rest of the world and I really should be in bed already. I just thought it was worth noting that my initial despair at 'yet another HD remake' has been turned around and could actually prove to be a postive stride towards the future of gaming. It's a nice, socialist future where consoles can be afforded by all and no-one has to worry about choosing the wrong one, for games are no longer constrained by.......sorry. I'll stop now.

Notes:

1. Yes, I do think the people in this trailer are knobs.
2. Youtube is being a jerk and won't let us embed in anything other than widescreen now. As you can see, this makes Blogger go nuts. Fear not, we'll have a proper website in a few months!

The World Warriors: The Everlasting aesthetic quality of the original Street Fighters

2010-04-19T13:37:00.002+01:00

In an age before FMV sequences and dialogue heavy cut-scenes, game designers faced greater challenges in order to express the personalities of their characters. The visual design was paramount in order to tell gamers who or what they were playing as. A character’s design had to speak volumes in order to engage the player, or at least captivate their imaginations beyond the duration of a play session. Without exposition and cut-scenes, designers would have to strive to create memorable images that would remain firm in the minds of the players and fans. A costume or a haircut had to speak a thousand words. It was an age of overcoming limitations with unmatched creativity and simple, effective design.

Proof of this simple, effective character design can be seen in the lasting, almost iconic images of Pac-Man, Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog. These designs have retained their aesthetic basics for decades and have proven to be both memorable and endearing enough to warrant sustained success for their respective games. Admittedly Pac Man and Sonic may not enjoy the same successes as Mario, but the strength of their images despite commercial failures in more recent years only reinforces the quality of their design. Such classic characters needed strong, likeable designs in order to keep the player interested and more importantly, give the games a unique and identifiable mascot. After all, being forced to play as a character you hated the sight of for the duration of a game is not likely to sustain your enjoyment. So, what happens then, when the player is given a choice of characters? How do you create images for a selection of characters; images that are so strong, that a player will be able to identify with them and enjoy playing as them for the duration? I think Capcom has the answer to that one.

In Capcom’s first Street Fighter game, the player took control of Ryu – the series’ long standing protagonist- as he fought colourful and varied opponents around the world. With Street Fighter II, they changed the template and gave the player a selection of eight different characters from which to choose. How is a gamer meant to cope with such unprecedented levels of choice? Back then, such diversity was unheard of and Capcom still had to ensure that everybody didn’t simply just pick Ryu, or Ken, to be more accurate. Capcom’s answer was to create eight unique fighters, all with images so memorable and emotive, that a player could make a heartfelt choice. Add to this a slew of unique fighting styles and choosing your world warrior became less about which was the best and more about which was the best fit for you. For me, personally, this is where the character’s aesthetics play the biggest role.

Each character’s appearance speaks volumes about their personalities and history and it is this that allows players to make the informed choices about who they prefer. No need to read a backstory, no need to research their strengths and weaknesses – just put your faith in how well-balanced the game is and pick whoever you think is the coolest.

If you want a safe bet, you’ll pick Ryu, after all he’s the protagonist from the series’ beginning and his design is the simplest of all. Like his fighting style, Ryu’s design is straight up, balanced and effective. His stoic gaze, his muted colour palette and his well-rounded repertoire of moves make Ryu a logical starting point. His white suit and red headband not only echoing the simplicity of his design, but also representing his home country of Japan. Simple and pure both in aesthetics and mechanics: Ryu is the all-rounder, the starting point.
Next, we come to Ken. To the untrained eye, he is effectively the same as Ryu, only displaying a few subtle, but massively important details. Ken is Ryu re-drawn with a grin, a red outfit and the blonde surfer hairdo that, in the 90’s, seemingly represented American males the world over. He is the Zach Morris of Street Fighting. If Ryu was American, he would be cocky, wear his hair long and not be seen dead in an understated white outfit. Ken, like his design, is Ryu’s louder, brash cousin.

By simply changing a hairdo and swapping some colours, Ryu’s character model is transformed into Ken and his personality along with it. The loud red suit and unkempt hair show us the polar opposite to Ryu’s serious warrior persona. Such minor changes transform the character and give us another design that speaks volumes about the personality it represents. Only a dick such as Ken would leave his hair down for a fight and you don’t have to read a back story to figure it out.

With such simple changes impacting characters to such an extent, Capcom could have adjusted Ryu’s colour scheme and hairdo with enough variety to fill out the whole roster. Thankfully, they instead set about creating another six varied fighters from all across the globe. Again, their aesthetics would serve to express their personalities; whether it was the wild-man Blanka throwing himself around the screen, electrocuting his enemies and sinking his teeth into their flesh, or Dahlsim using his spiritual powers to conjure fire and contort his limbs. Add to this mix Guile’s ‘brush-head’ hairdo, Zangief’s Mohican and scars, Chun Li’s hair buns and - to a lesser extent - Honda’s face paint and you have visual calling cards for each and every one of the warriors. These elements have been integral parts of each of the characters’ designs from their inception and have remained intact in their most recent iterations in Street Fighter IV. By reducing and simplifying each character to a bold, limited colour palette and giving them each one defining visual characteristic, Capcom is able to ensure the lasting impact of their character’s designs.

With so many iterations of the Street Fighter series over the years, you could be forgiven for thinking that such simplistic designs may become quickly outdated or at least lose their effectiveness in more recent years. Capcom seem to adhere to a set of well thought out, self-imposed rules. Street Fighter IV looks just as contemporary as any other game currently available, yet sacrifices nothing about design choices made nearly twenty years ago. They focus on simple, distinctive characteristics, allowing the characters to be given a visual makeover and still retain their personalities.

Logically, these rules would apply to just about any character design. If you think about Batman, Spiderman and their superhero fraternity, or the aforementioned Mario and Sonic, the same rules echo true. However, said rules are all the easier to follow when you have only one protagonist to focus upon. As I said before, Street Fighter II’s design team had to make eight individual characters work. The best validation for their efforts would be that the designs of the original eight world warriors still remain so strong and fully intact. You can still choose your character based upon how their visually expressed personality resonates with your own: something that is not easily achieved.

You have a man who wears the evidence of his bear-wrestling on his chest, another who has hair that defies gravity and reasonable logic, yet is somehow more believable, and memorable, than any of those Final Fantasy fops. Mix in a thunder-thighed Chinese police officer, a Brazilian wildman, a lunatic sumo and an Indian mystic along with our much-discussed martial arts experts and you have one of the most memorable and colourful casts ever assembled.

It’s probably apparent by now that I can wax lyrical about Street Fighter characters all day long but no matter how many big words I use and no matter how well I rationalise things and try to appear intellectual, my love for the World Warriors comes down to very simple emotions. Each and every one of them is cool: totally and utterly rad. As a boy I would draw them endlessly, dream of decent action figures and yet still put up with those horrible GI Joe style movie tie-in ones.

I still feel the same way about these characters as I did when I would obsess over the artwork covering my local arcade cabinet. They are the epitome of good character design and my desire to own decent action figures is one that still burns brightly even to this day.
Capcom’s flair for lasting, quality design goes way beyond their original eight street fighters. The four bosses retain the same iconic qualities of those that challenge them and throughout the series’ life span Capcom have continued to introduce a plethora of equally as impressive characters. However, as much as I may love the likes of Dudley, Gen and Ibuki, there is no-one quite like the original eight. Whilst Ryu and Ken, along with Gen, Adon and Sagat may have retained their images from the original Street Fighter, it was in Street Fighter II that we saw these images and personalities be forged.

It was Street Fighter II that captured my imagination unlike any other game before it and I will forever, stubbornly insist that it is the true, original Street Fighter game. That game cemented such strong and vibrant images and personalities into my consciousness and to have them awakened and sustained by Street Fighter IV is the greatest testament to the quality of their design. Like an old photograph, those characters evoke powerful emotions in me and without Capcom’s timeless design, such things would not be possible.

Access Vanille's box

2010-04-19T12:46:00.001+01:00

So wrong, but so right.

via Gamovr

Post-Pokemon Remorse

2010-04-16T22:10:00.003+01:00

A fair amount of the time, it feels as if I am able to step out of my body and observe my own behaviour as an onlooker. The problem is, no matter how much or how loudly I scream at myself to stop, it always falls on deaf ears. It happened again yesterday: I bought Pokemon Soul Silver for my DS and I don't know why I allowed it to happen.

I genuinely thought it was a great idea at the time - it would be the perfect time-sink to tide me over until Super Street Fighter 4 and it was all nice and pretty and colourful. I even argued with my manager over it - he said he'd lost respect for me after buying it. I responded by calling him a closet homo and insisted that by playing Pokemon I displayed just how comfortable I was with both my masculinity AND my sexuality. His protests only strengthened my resolve - leading to me buying my game in the loudest, proudest fashion possible.

As soon as I boarded the bus home the remorse began to set in. The first stage was shame. I felt dirty; I'm supposed to be a 25 year old grown man, what the fuck am I doing playing Pokemon? I convinced myself that it was justified by being part of a generation whose 30-somethings even fap over cartoons of transforming robots. I still hid it in a bag, under my arm, clinging onto it with sweaty palms for fear of it falling out and exposing a horrible truth to the teenage girls behind me. They may not have noticed my receding hairline, now if I can just keep Pokemon out of their sight, one of them may dream of getting fucked by the dude on the bus with that awesome jacket with the eyeball patch. I am a pathetic loser.

I played it later on that evening. In four minute installments. This was all I could take. The game is unbearably shit. The eight year old inside me died a long time ago and my inner child is now about 13 and ready to tear shit up at a moment's notice. I want to smash the fuck out of things and listen to Pantera, I want to use fuck as an adjective more than is humanly necessary not take faggy little animals on walks and get them to fight other faggy little animals in tall grass. I just can't make myself do it: I have to admit defeat.

My boss was right the whole time. It's a dumb game that is very well designed...FOR CHILDREN. As childish as I am, I cannot make myself regress this much, no matter how much I want to. He may have lost respect for me, but nowhere near as much as I have lost for myself. I have now sold the game to my girlfriend. It's gone.

I'd like to think that I'll learn something from this, but unfortunately, I very much doubt that I will. Most likely, I am doomed to make these sort of mistakes for eternity, leaving my girlfriend to pick up the pieces and broadcasting my misery to you. You've been warned.

Marvel vs. Capcom 3 announcement imminent

2010-04-15T19:54:00.003+01:00

This is a pretty solid rumour now. After the successes of Street Fighter 4 and Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom, this was pretty much guaranteed, barring licensing issues. The same guy that leaked the whole cast for Super Street Fighter 4 last year -he was right about every character-has said it's happening. He even got banned from the shoryuken.com boards for doing so. Keep an eye on him for other leaks. Here's his Twitter

Apparently it will run using a similar engine to that seen in Street Fighter 4. For all you non (true) believers out there; get ready, because when they announce this my dick is gonna spray like a fountain and you're going to hear all about it. What's that? You thought I'd already made all the possible nerd/boner/jizz fountain analogies? Oh, how wrong you are....

Via ForceDisconnect

JRPGs in 2010: The Last Story

2010-04-15T15:09:00.006+01:00

With FFXIII coming and going, it's only natural to think ahead to what JRPGs are on the horizon for the rest of 2010. It seems the Wii will be playing more of a part in our lives this year, and Jim sterling has provided good food for thought with a positive Wii article a few weeks ago laying out what we can expect from the Nintendo machine in the coming months. Most encouraging from said article is his conclusion that 'a number of Japanese developers are starting to recognize some potential for the Wii to become a PS2-like mecca of JRPG experiences'. It does seem we'll be trading HD environments for a more traditional open-world, questing experience but I don't think this would put any fans off. In fact it'll bring many deserters back to the fold. No fan of art and story would shun a larger catalogue of JRPGs based on the fact they didn't all look like the uber-mega-blu-ray edition of Lord of the Rings. Things can be beautiful without being high-def.

Of the three titles mentioned for the Wii this year (Arc Rise Fantasia, Xenoblades and The Last Story) the eye is immediately drawn to Nintendo/Mistwalker's The Last Story's artwork.

Looks a little like Final Fantasy with a hint of Fable, yes? Details are a little slim and the official website is in Japanese ( and flash, which renders auto-translators helpless) but fortunately some people can translate. I sure hope this person can translate otherwise I'm bringing you his LIES. I'm sure its fine:

'- characters from last night's art update [below] are the main character and heroine
- "There is a wall between the two," says the director, meaning that something is keeping these two apart
- expect multiple stories in the game, including
* The fear of speaking your true feelings
* The mystery of the father who went missing on boat
* The difficulty a leader has in making decisions
* The close accomplice who's turned to evil
* The foolish archaeologist's prison break'

This ticks all the classic boxes as you'd expect, and any game that claims to incorporate 'the fear of speaking your true feelings' sounds like it has depth and has my interest .

If The Last Story turns out to be anywhere near as good as Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey I'm going to have to get a Wii. I can't manage my time as it is, so a third console is definitely what I need. Hopefully we'll have some trailers soon.

There are some JRPG titles out this year for those other 2 consoles- you know the ones, but to prevent this piece spiralling out of control they'll have to wait for a separate post.

Browser rage

2010-04-15T13:09:00.002+01:00

Did you ever see a website so offensive to you it needed destroying on the spot? Now you can with a simple add-on for FireFox. For the low low price of $free, Destroy The Web is yours to use as you wish. I cant decide if there are hundreds of amusing uses for this or none, I'll leave it to your imaginations.

Face it dude, you're in love with a dude.

2010-04-14T20:40:00.004+01:00

It's a harsh reality than some unfortunate males have had to deal with: you're eyeing up some broad, you may even cop a feel, and then you realise. It's a dude. That fine piece of ass that you were going to take home is packing more meat than you. What do you do now? Walk away embarrassed, or refuse to throw away all that ground work and live a life of denial, insisting that anal wasn't the only choice, it's just what you fancied that night. That sort of denial isn't healthy. You knew she had a rod. You probably even gave her a reach-around. You enjoyed it, that's fine: this is the twenty-first century after all. Gender is meaningless.

This is meant to serve as a wake-up call for all of you that spent this afternoon fapping over Final Fight's Poison and Roxy. They are dudes. Officially. Street Fighter 4 producer and Capcom luminary Yoshinori Ono said so himself [source]. So face it - you've got a boner for a dude and depending on what country you're from she's either still got that thing down there, or had it turned inside-out. When Final Fight was first ported to home consoles, Capcom deemed it inappropriate to be cutting, smacking and piledriving innocent, fragile streetwalking whores. So, to avoid controversy, they changed Poison's -and consequently Roxy's- back story so that he/she was a post-op transsexual. Inexplicably, In Japan she just 'tucks it away' kinda like Marylin Manson.

I'm not going to deny that the denim cut-offs, high heels, long legs and magnificent cans are enticing, but just remember what's in those shorts. A great, big, ugly wang.

If you really need more proof: NSFW

Videogame Music Corner

2010-04-11T12:22:00.003+01:00

For all the love I have for Mass Effect 2, the game's soundtrack still bothers me a little. The Vangelis-esque pieces from the first game have taken a backseat for some run-of-the-mill John Williams style grandeur. As competent as it is, it's nowhere near as memorable as the original Mass Effect score. It's made me think about it in the more general sense and address my feelings on videogame soundtracks in general.

Maybe it was the limited tool set that gave 8 and 16-Bit era soundtracks their distinct charm. Maybe it's simple rose-tinted nostalgia. Either way, it feels to me that contemporary game soundtracks are always lacking. Obviously there are a few exceptions - Castle Crashers, Street Fighter 4, Left 4 Dead - but that itself is the problem; games with decent soundtracks shouldn't be the exception, we need memorable, distinctive soundtracks as the norm.
Amid all it's lunacy, Bayonetta had an amazing soundtrack. Say what you will about endless remixes of 'Fly Me To The Moon', at least it's distinctive: I, for one, cannot hear that song now without thinking about climaxes and lollipops.

The development of videogames as a medium has, like any other, relied on technological advancement. As technology improves, developers will, and always have, found new ways of making games interesting and engaging. This advancement, however, always seems focused on the visual element. It's almost as if post-Playstation, audio technology reached some sort of plateau. Surround sound would have been the last frontier for videogame audio and even then, original soundtracks would have been unaffected. Graphical development still has new ground to break; there are still visual styles that have been left untouched and 3D is on the horizon. Audio, however, faces a much less determined future.

I'm hoping that somewhere out there, someone or one particular game will reassure me - tell me that it's all going to be alright and videogames won't be permanently restricted to aping shitty Hollywood idiot-fodder. A boy can dream. Until then, said boy is going to keep the rose-tinted shades on and keep listening to Mux Mool. Retro fans, enjoy:

Pixels

2010-04-10T16:05:00.002+01:00

I'm sure you've all seen this by now, but I just got my new sound card today so video is once more enjoyable for me. It's directed by Patrick Jean. It makes me miss New York and despite all the retro goodness in the film, it was the Ocean software logo reference that gave me the biggest nostalgia pangs. *sigh*

Sweating Bullets

2010-04-08T22:02:00.002+01:00

Bad News does the best impression of Dave Mustaine I have ever heard. Him and The Dawg make this a performance to remember whilst me and Burgy piss ourselves and Kris dreams that he is playing Bass for Tom Waits or Leonard Cohen in some sleazy New Orleans jazz lounge.

Legendary.

TV game advertising

2010-04-08T19:09:00.001+01:00

Always interested in the way games are advertised, I thought I'd share this UK advert for Pokemon SoulSilver/ HeartGold.

After watching, do you feel:

a) I'm going to buy the new Pokemon
b) I'm going to buy the older Pokemon Gold/Silver
c) I was more interested in the pretty lady
d) What's a Chansey?

I can't decide if this type of advert helps to raise sales. Does the 'She's playing it so I want to' tact really ever work? Lets be honest, it's not the first time we've seen this and it wont be the last.

As an interesting (!) side note, while searching for this video I found a Gamefaqs thread discussing the advert. Not interesting at all until one of the users claimed to be the girl in the advert and provided the following picture to those challenging her claim. Heh. Very nice.

The thread is dire if you read it all, a collection of trolls and weirdos (nothing at all like our high-brow corner of the internet), but as ever with this type of thread it's good for a laugh.

Another riposte

2010-04-06T09:38:00.004+01:00

We all saw how awesome the new paper advertising for Super Street Fighter IV is. You know what, wouldn't it be more awesome if they animated it and put it on TV? Well, here you go.

Chuck Norris VS. Omega Tom Hanks

2010-04-05T17:03:00.002+01:00

I'm still not bored of ridiculous Mugen videos.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have created NEWS!

2010-04-05T11:59:00.004+01:00

Ah CVG, you loveable tykes: looks like appealing to a demographic of 14 year old hormonal crotch-tuggers has truly stunted any sort of imagination or integrity that you may have once had. CVG often likes to post 'news' about how EDGE - a magazine published by the same company -keeps giving out ludicrous and unfair review scores, sometimes as horrifyingly low as 6 out of 10 for major blockbusters like Yakuza 3!

Sorry, I should really dispense with the sarcasm now. CVG are at it again though; this morning posting about Quentin Tarantino's 'controversial' views on video games. Apparently, he doesn't like them. Knowing that their readers will nerd-rage over just about anything, some choice quotes and a bit of spin ensure that it will cause some manner of debate and therefore, PAGEVIEWS. Is this surprising to anyone with a shred of intelligence? That a filmmaker wouldn't be that interested in games? Particularly a filmmaker who has made his career on having an encyclopedic knowledge of his medium - how would he even find time? I'm willing to let him off in light of this and as thanks for all the hours of joy that his movies have brought me.

Remaining on form, the retards happily get on board, denouncing Tarantino and his films. Thankfully and surprisingly, a few of the CVG user comments have proved insightful: my personal favourite being 'this is news?'. Conveniently enough, I also have the answer to that question. You, me and CVG have made this news. A few throwaway statements made back in February have made it around at least four websites so far, three of which actually have massive readerships. It wasn't news, but now it is and I feel slightly dirty.

Kotaku via CVG via The Telegraph

Split-Screen fact: Me and Tarantino both share the same face and hairline.

A Riposte.

2010-04-02T22:18:00.006+01:00

In addition to the awesome new Street Fighter advertising recently posted Manuhell has created some awesome zombie SSF promos. Here are two of them. Hit his name for more.

8-Bit Bayonetta

2010-04-02T08:11:00.002+01:00

I couldn't be bothered with Destructoid for the whole of April fool's Day. It was just too much. Thank God for Twitter then, directing me to this Gem. Ah, Platinum Games, is there anything you can't do?

(source)

Coolness officially bestowed upon Street Fighter

2010-04-02T07:46:00.004+01:00

If you needed more convincing that Super Street Fighter 4 was going to be the raddest thing to happen to gaming ever, then Capcom has the answer in the form of it's print advertising campaign. Getting together with some of the biggest names in contemporary graphic design and graffiti, Capcom have produced a unique set of posters boasting the game's new feature sets and showing off some of the new characters. 123Klan, Dalek, Futura, Cody Hudson and Grotesk have all contributed. Seems like Capcom have done their homework. Futura fans tend to have massive disposable incomes, you should see the prices that guy charges for scribbling on military jackets....
However, I digress. Futura has skill got it, I loved Grotesk's artwork for The Cool Kids and 123 Klan are so cool they'll make you reconsider the French. The ads will run in Complex and Vice amongst other publications- this is some smart marketing, hitting the borderline hipsters right where it hurts.
Enjoy radness:

123KlanFutura

GroteskSee the rest over at the Capcom Unity blogs (source)

Look at this cool picture of Street Fighter characters drawn in a Mario Brothers style.

2010-04-01T19:41:00.002+01:00

Look. Cool isn't it?

Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix is only 560 MS Points right now too. You should really get on that.

Via gamovr

Dear Microsoft, this is how you get me to buy a Zune.

2010-03-31T22:09:00.003+01:00

I don't have any facts or figures to hand, nor can i be bothered to Google them in the name of research, but I think it's a safe assumption that Microsoft's Zune doesn't sell quite as well as they had hoped. If you're not sure what a Zune is, then you're just proving me right.
Most would say that this is down to the overwhelming success of the iPhone/iPod touch. Personally, I think they fucked it all up when they changed my XBOX video library to a 'Zune library'. I never asked for it and now it takes an extra minute or so to load. These are minutes that I cannot afford to spare. However, there is a way to make this right, Microsoft, so do not despair just yet.

If you want me to buy a Zune, then there's only one thing that you have to do: make the Mass Effect 2 planet scanning mini-game an unlockable download with cross-platform compatibility. I'm serious. I want to be scanning when I'm bored on the bus, or taking a poo and then upload the resources into my main game. I need to be constantly productive on that game so that when I get to sit down in front of the XBOX, I can focus solely on being a biotic-upgrading badass, throwing mercs out of skyscraper windows and trying to nail Kelly Chambers. Lord, I could be a palladium baron if only given the chance, then she would definetly let me plow her. I could listen to Zapp and Roger whilst I did it. It would be beautiful.

This sort of thing is easily worth the £120 to me. Think I'm bluffing? Make it happen, I dare you. Planet scanning has turned me wrong. I think about it all the time. When I'm waiting for food to cook, or talking to people I don't like so much I just keep thinking that the time would be less wasted if I had planet scanning capabilities in the palm of my hand.

Nathan Drake is the coolest

2010-03-31T22:05:00.002+01:00

It's official. Because we all said so. More features like this when I stop procrastinating.

Polls close tomorrow

2010-03-30T20:06:00.002+01:00

Not had a chance to post much lately. Things are afoot though, so do not fear. For now, accept my apologies and know this: Nathan Drake and Gordon Freeman are tied for coolest character and not one of you fucks voted for Cody. I'll be closing the polls tomorrow so please vote if you haven't already or else I will be forced to do something creative and ingenious.

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Voting Time

2010-03-28T17:49:00.002+01:00

I can't believe we actually ran a feature for a whole week. Can you!? I doubt it, but sometimes we just pull these amazing things out of our collective behind. Sorry. Enough of this silliness, there are votes to be cast!

All week long you've been hearing from us about how our chosen character is cooler than the next and I don;t mind saying that they have all been thouroughly convincing. If you didn't write your own piece, then this is your chance to voice your opinion. We had enough ideas to easily run another week of this, but I don't want to get delusions of grandeur and frankly, I'm sick of typing the word 'cool' - it's almost lost all meaning to me. If you think there really is someone that we criminally left out, just let us know in the comments- I've already had an ear-bashing over Duke Nukem's absence.

I know polls are a sensitive issue here so I'm going to say just one thing. There are no prizes to be won. Only fame and adoration for a fictional character, so remember: when you cheat, you only cheat yourself. Your mother would be ashamed.

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Gordon Freeman (Half-Life series)

2010-03-27T13:58:00.007Z

Gordon Freeman. The Freeman. The free man. Just his name suggests transcendence.

Equal parts custom character [there are no cut scenes to disassociate you from the action - everything happens through your eyes and you control every action] and Nietzschean ubermensch. Pulled from time when humanity needs it most by the G-man, yet not a typical hero. A PhD in theoretical physics from MIT, Gordon is the strong silent type taken to the point of awesome. Even his PhD thesis has the greatest title ever, Observation of Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement on Supraquantum Structures by Induction Through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal of Extremely Long Wavelength (ELW) Pulse from Mode-Locked Source Array [I shit you not, this is actually part of the Half-Life canon]. No other character in video games has such an in depth vita.

Gordon is not your hulking behemoth (Marcus Fenix), nor does he have a squad or assistance in the majority of whatever endeavour the G-man has him take part in (Call of Duty, Bad Company, et al.), making what he is capable of even more remarkable. Nor does he have snappy one-liners, you are not able to speak to the characters in game with your own voice, so why should the character you are supposed to become say things you'd never?

That he is capable of walking into the enemy headquarters and prevent their entire destruction of mankind armed with nothing other than a crowbar, while at each step still maintaining the belief that you could in fact do what it is he is doing is why he is the greatest video game character of all time, and so, by proxy, are you.

Ignore all these false idols that you are asked to believe in; Nathan Drake, some blue (yes BLUE) hedgehog, a criminal with a girl's name; instead make the right decision and vote Freeman.

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Cody Travers (Final Fight, Street Fighter series)

2010-03-26T20:33:00.002Z

If you want to talk about cool game characters then there is really only one place you need look: the house that Capcom built. Capcom have been showing character designers the world over how it should be done for decades now. Their characters exude a simple, timeless charm that sees personalities expressed in small visual nuances ; whether it be Ken's irritating thumbs-up, Dan Hibiki's tears or Barry Burton's magnum.To stand out as the coolest amid the inherent coolness of your brothers and sisters is no mean feat and one that is achieved by only one character: Cody Travers.

Despite my increasingly vocal professions of love for Mike Haggar, it is undoubtedly Cody who is the coolest motherfucker in Final Fight. The classic James Dean white t-shirt and blue jeans, coupled with those fly 80's shell-toes makes Cody Travers the kind of dude that mayor Haggar is happy to see railing his daughter. His only goals in life are to get all up in Mad gear's shit and save his smoking-hot girlfriend. Looking good whilst he does it just comes naturally to him.

When Capcom retired Cody from the Final Fight series he told them where to shove it. After saving Metro City and his girlfriend he just couldn't settle down. Cody was built to fight, so that's what he continued to do. You have to admire a guy who knows his purpose and managed to brawl his way from one fighting series and into another. Getting imprisoned for his violent temperament is little more than a slight inconvenience; he frequently breaks out, seeking more opponents, only to return for a meal and a roof over his head whenever it suits him.

Cody's coolness is not so much determined by his actions, but rather his mannerisms and the style he exudes in everything that he does. Opening fights by taunting his opponents to see if they can finally do something about his boredom, still wearing those shell-toes with his prison garb and wearing those handcuffs when he has the key. What a swaggering bad-ass.

Throughout this whole week of coolness, I can see no-one else that I would rather be. Cody is nonchalant about fights when I simply panic and by playing as him I effectively become cooler. If, like me, you think coolness is all about the style and the swagger, then Cody Travers has got it down to a fine art.

Noby Noby Boy is up in yo' hood

2010-03-25T21:43:00.005Z

Krandal (justtherightbullets) got his hands on Noby Noby Boy this afternoon. He went on a rampage and ate all of the street's letters and unicycles. The inhabitants weren't pleased. They went ape-shit on him with their sticks, pigs and koalas.

The horrific imagery contained in the embedded clip may shock and upset some viewers. Please, don't have nightmares.

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Max Payne (Max Payne series)

2010-03-25T19:32:00.003Z

We are looking for cool here, and to do that we need to ask what actually defines cool. After checking the dictionary and finding the definition to be ‘neither warm nor very cold’, I threw it in the bin and tried to come up with some attributes that I consider to be cool, again I drew a blank. So in desperation I got out all my old games and started listing the characters that I thought were cool. Having my list of names helped me a lot to whittle down to just one, or at least a couple, where some serious battling got me the name for my coolest character. So it came down to whom rather than what defines cool in my eyes.

So who is the coolest of them all...? Max Payne. So where do we start here?As with most things let us start at the beginning, he is a normal guy working as an NYPD detective, with a wife and baby daughter living in a leafy suburb, completely un-cool and that in itself adds to his status. But, after his wife and daughter are killed by drug junkies high on a drug known as Valkyr, Max becomes the ultimate badass one-man-army vigilante, and that makes him cool, in fact that makes very cool. He takes on gangsters with his trusty sawed-off shotgun and the uber-cool ability to dodge bullets in slow motion, in his eternal search for vengeance against the people ultimately responsible for his families’ death.

Max Payne is a true antihero; a man trapped within his past, a tortured broken man constantly reliving his “New York Minute”. His film noir storytelling and unique wordplay add so much to his persona, also added to that is his cynical view of the world and as we know everybody loves a cynic. I could go on and on here about his personal attributes that just exude cool but it all comes down to this. He is THE ULTIMATE VIGILANTE; he can slow down time to dodge bullets, has drug induced flashbacks, takes on the mob, is a tortured soul, has Russian friends, is on the run from the feds, drinks, is straight talking and takes shit from no one, and he wears a leather jacket. Someone please tell me anything there that isn’t cool. Also the game is full of Norse references and everybody loves Vikings, especially ones with Viking long-boats in.

So there you have it, the pinnacle of cool Max Payne

A faux-pas from me was to not include Max Payne 3 on my list games of the year to look out for, in my opinion a crime on my part and it will be in my machine the day it is released. Check out the stills released by Rockstar they look amazing. And before I get any comments Mark Wahlberg never happened.

-Token Gestures

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Me

2010-03-24T01:13:00.003Z

Yeah that's right, I am the coolest games character ever created. Or more accurately, we are. For me a game can become even better when you're able to put yourself into the world given to you as it instantly makes you care more about whats going on in front of you. Sports games were probably the earliest genre of game that allowed you to create yourself or someone else, where I've had serious success lifting various trophies on the PGA Tour, winning a World Cup as captain of the Welsh football team, beating the likes of Stephen Hendry, Mark Williams and Ronnie O' Sullivan at snooker, and lifting various Naismith Trophies with my beloved Toronto Raptors. I've even been a pretty decent skater in iterations of Tony Hawk and also Skate, whereas in real life I cant even stand on a skateboard!

Now that online gaming has become a huge deal, this is another place in which you or I become the avatar and deal death to others. Call of Duty for example, I don't play as a US Marine or a Russian, I play as me. I take decisions as I'd hope I would in real life, and become the soldiers in games like these. Even in games where a character was already named and a history given, my imagination erases this and puts me in its place. In a previous comment on the Sonic post, I mentioned how I relate to Mario and this being a reason I deem him cooler and perhaps it's because I put myself into these characters' places that makes this happen. I'm clearly not a speedy blur hedgehog. A fat plumber? That's more reasonable!

When it comes to videogames characters, none have come close to what we've achieved.

Here's to the Custom Character.

Here's to Us.

Alan Titchmarsh Talk Games.

2010-03-23T14:46:00.001Z

Are violent videogames right? Are people who know very little about them having an opinion even right?

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic series)

2010-03-23T13:19:00.004Z

The thing about cool is that it emanates from within. There is no learning cool, or earning cool. You either are, or you are not. Many characters have strived for coolness over the years, and I'm sure my fellow contributors will construct good cases for their favourites through the week- as to why they should be crowned coolest. There is a clear victor in this category of course, and that is the immortal Sonic the Hedgehog.

Sonic can waltz to the top of this list wearing nothing but a pair of sneakers and white gloves. He needs no fancy props or foul mouth to aspire towards cool, as he is the very embodiment of the word. Destroying hoards of enemies and bosses using nothing but his speed and agility and always for the noblest of causes, he really is a hero. OK, so he's not packing a magnum .44 or throwing stars but that's because he doesn't need them to embarrass his foes. Sonic has a something far more deadly at his disposal. Style (Yeah, I went there).

Even too laid back and aloof for lovers, the first female into the Sonic universe was Amy Rose who immediately pursued a romantic interest in Sonic. Was he interested? Did he fall all over himself looking like a damn fool like so many hero-types since, as soon as a chick showed up? Did he hell. He treated her like she was in his way from day one and that just made her want him more.

If his very nature and attitude doesn't convince you that Sonic is the coolest game character of all time and you cant really figure out why you should place him above anyone else, consider this one important fact: for all he has achieved - he's not even trying that hard.

Sega invented cool. And it's blue.

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time: Nathan Drake (Uncharted series)

2010-03-22T20:25:00.003Z

Yawn. Old icons are old. There's a reason why we should only be concentrating on the here and now. It's called progress. Anything else is just hankering for childhood, and you don't want to be accused of that, do you, you big adult-nappy wearing fetish freak you? Thought not. So let's keep it in the here and now, and avoid all that Oedipal crap. And easily the coolest, nay, the best, character of this generation can be found in the swarthy features of one Nathan Drake.

Don't be fooled by all that "everyman" talk. He's not a normal guy at all. His grim satisfaction at snapping a neck followed by some lighthearted banter exposes the heart of a sociopath. And although his body shape could be rightly described as a little husky, he's still a skull-cracking alpha male with the face of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Everyman? Don't make me scoff.

No, instead his appeal lies in the fact he's just a little better than you. He's not the ridiculous manbeast like Marcus Fenix, but for us cheetos-scoffing basement dwellers, he resonates far more keenly than any steroid-induced lunk. He's the jock in school who had flings with French teachers, or the guy in the pub who can break up fights with a glance. Everyone adores him, and you either want to be him or be on him.

Okay, his far-flung travels reek of Indiana Jones, and adventures are a hodge-podge of a thousand different tales. But damnit, for sheer out and out awesome, you can't get better than the Drake. No other game character conveys cowardice and guts in one wise-cracking, whimpering package. Who needs martial arts when you can throw wild haymakers and brawl like a champ? Of course he's too good to be true, but he's right at the edge of believeability, and that's all you need to buy into his untucked t-shirt wearing, wryly grinning, stubbled shtick.

He's Gerard Butler. He's Han Solo. He's the MAN.

-Paperboy

The Coolest Game Characters of All Time

2010-03-22T19:05:00.003Z

In my youth, coolness could be easily defined by The Beastie Boys and Bart Simpson, but as I grow old, weary and cynical, I start to think about the term more seriously. Coolness is an almost catch-all term for me and - I would wager - most of my generation, but there are certain characters, from all mediums, that once in a while make you re-asses the term and consider just what it takes to be cool.

Creating a genuinely cool game character is no mean feat, especially when you consider the potential lack of cool on the part of the player. Even David Bowie could be made to look a tit, were he placed in some sort of Avatar-esque situation that saw a 14 year old COD addict running him into walls, trying to find glitches.So often being extensions of our usually un-cool selves, game characters can often struggle to achieve genuine coolness. For that reason, this week at Split-Screen, we will be celebrating all those who overcome such hurdles and stand in our minds as true bad-asses and bonafide cool dudes.

Adjust your mindset back to the 90's, help us bring back the terms 'rad' and 'totally tubular' and cast your vote at the end to help us decided the coolest of them all. Keep watch for your favourite because there will be a new one each day. If you think we're going to miss someone out, e-mail me: thefauxbot@gmail.com to fight their corner and we'll post up your piece to help the campaign.

Review: Heavy Rain (PS3)

2010-03-21T16:47:00.009Z

IT’S mile three, and the bear trial is well underway. Ethan Mars, a broken former architect, whimpers in his now-dented car as the police sirens cut through the night. GPS system bleating away, your frantic hand actions are guiding him to safety. For Ethan, his fear is never finding his son again. You’re just afraid Ethan won’t make it the whole five miles. It’s at times like that that Heavy Rain transcends most video games and becomes truly great. It’s a shame that the whole package has to settle for being something a little less.

Quantic Dream’s magnum opus certainly doesn’t undermine itself by way of its production values. Rejecting the extra bright splendour of an Uncharted 2 for the grit and grime of the real, it nearly bypasses the uncanny valley, the odd gaping mouth or vacant eye only momentarily detracting from an East Coast setting full of jilted hookers, suicide risks and the scum that always rises to the top in these sorts of tales.

Similarly, the voice acting does its job in propelling a game full of text, and though it wavers from Shelby’s phenomenal world weary rumblings to a French-Canadian casting decision verging on the ridiculous, it never jars too heavily or veers into Resident Evil style “master of unlocking”. The gameplay in and of itself is almost incidental in a game that rewards you a trophy just for agreeing to participate in David Cage’s little dramatic experiment. For what it’s worth, the quick times aren’t perfectly synced and sometimes the icon designations are off – particularly some confusion as to whether to hold a button or bash it until your knuckle bone breaks the skin - but they do more than enough to suck you into the twisted tale of four protagonists and their hunt for the killer. No, it’s the story you came for, and that can be exhilarating and disappointing at the same time. Riddled with minor holes that have seen the bile-spewers rush to their keyboards, the story is secretly a second-rate knock off of a dozen movies you’ve bought from service stations. Inconsistencies spring up at every turn, and at times the game does lie to you in order to deliver its most gratifying punch.

Whether you can cope with a narrative that confounds when it offers control will affect whether you walk away from Heavy Rain with sour grapes, but while its script may creak, the emotion it conjures is like nothing before. You truly care, not in the "which option gets me the goodies" way, but in an emotional sense only a few games have touched upon. Without the usual rewards and points counters, you want the good endings just because you want the characters in your little world to get out of it unscathed. If a game can make you think about not getting the girl because it feels wrong, or risk failing the whole game completely because your moral threshold is overstepped, it succeeds. It's just disappointing that having come all this way, Quantic Dream couldn't have had the guts to take that final step. If every decision had prompted an auto save, and maybe if every character could have died early and often, or even failed early and often, the criticisms the game is rightfully facing could have been avoided. In a bid to deliver a gripping story, much of the danger becomes artificial, and early knowledge of that removes the one thing this game is fantastic at - wringing emotion out of every turn.

In months to come, the massive commentary on Heavy Rain will render it empty, pointless and moot. My only advice can be play it now, play it once and avoid the internet's naysaying. Controversial? Yes. A step or 50 short of greatness? Certainly. But it's one of the most essential games just to experience for this entire generation, and that fact alone makes it more than worth braving the downpour.

-Paperboy

Press 'X' to Jason

The fastest, most powerful

2010-03-20T13:29:00.007Z

...games console on earth! Well, not these days, but in 1997.

I've hoarded a lot of stuff over the years and occasionally I'll find something in a box that makes me squeal like Vanille on prom night (or casting magic, or jumping, or moving around a bit). Hence these scans of an N64 guide from Official Nintendo Magazine. The Tech-Specs on page 2 provide the most enjoyable reading with factoids like 'Over 1000 times more power than the moon-landing computer - FACT!'

(Click to read)

Just looking at the screen shot of square-lookin' Jaws from Goldeneye is enough to send me looking for my Moonraker Laser, and F-Zero X is possibly still the most enjoyable multiplayer racing game I've ever played. The rivalry with The Faux Bot was legendary too, it was like Godzilla vs Megalon.

These first 2 scanned pages are not all happy memories and staggering statistics about how Nintendo is better than NASA however - F1 World Grand Prix was not 'a truly awesome motor-racing game' in fact it was fuck awful and still leaves a bitter taste now, 13 years on. Worst buy ever.

Peter Molyneux employs Python

2010-03-15T19:54:00.003Z

No, not that sort of Python. This sort:

That's right. Wannabe genius, professional delusionist and arse-puffer Peter Molyneux has employed the vocal talents of the actual genius John Cleese for his next installment in the massively disappointing Fable series.

You remember all those videos before Fable 2 came out? The ones where Pete threatened to change the gaming landscape and blow our feeble minds? Well, Pete now admits that they were all BULLSHIT because Fable 2 didn't have a fucking butler in it! Honestly, what kind of game doesn't have a butler in it!? How the fuck would I know when to change my character's clothes!? Thank Christ for John Cleese as 'Butler' then, because that's exactly what he does. You remember how shit the clothes were in Fable 2? WRONG! They weren't shit, YOU were shit because you didn't know how awesome they were! The Butler will stop this from ever happening again.

He may as well employ a real python seeing how little of a shit I give about the existence of this glorified DLC. Watch out Peter, you're upsetting the status quo with your revolutionary game design! What's that you say? You can now make wings come out of your character's back as well as making them burp? What a visionary.

via Kotaku

Yet another DLC 'outrage'

2010-03-15T12:16:00.004Z

It seems like every other day now that there's some example of an outcry concerning overpriced or 'unfair' DLC. Capcom bleed you for Street Fighter costumes and now Activision want more money for Modern Warfare 2 maps. I've made my peace with Capcom - I'm going to buy those silly costumes if they make me, because that's the sort of schmuck I am. I'm not going to cry about it any more. Understandably, then, I can't see why anyone is moaning about the pricing for Modern Warfare 2's first downloadable map pack. Like that guy from Taken says 'the price is the price'.

The 'Stimulus Package' which is set to release first on the 360, will set players back an impressive £10 or $15 for five maps. On it's own that's fairly steep but the real kicker is that two of the maps are recycled from the first Modern Warfare.

As Kotaku points out, this really couldn't have come at a worse time. Even though it's hardly major news, it plays a part in solidifying just how crazy Activision are acting right now. Goose-stepping the Infinity Ward heads out of their offices [more] and denying their workers royalty payments. [more]

Is Battlefield: Bad Company 2 strong enough competition to add to this burgeoning cluster-fuck? You guys play it, so tell me and Uncle Bobby too, if you think he's listening.

Mad miniature skills

2010-03-15T10:59:00.003Z

A slow weekend recovering from illness has allowed me to jump on the Heavy Rain origami bandwagon. There are a few large scale versions around on-line so I thought I'd try and make a mini one. Here it is^^- I think we can all agree I have achieved a certain degree of success.

My custom fightstick

2010-03-14T16:35:00.003Z

Even though I now use one of those lovely Madcatz Tournament Edition fightsticks to play my Street Fighter, I still own an old Hori EX2. It came out a long time ago, I barely used it, broke it and then left it in the cupboard. Thankfully Stick modder Extraordinaire, Cr0nt offered to max it out for me, with custom artwork and all the fancy buttons that make the Tournament Edition so lovely.
Progress has been slow, but things have begun to pick up pace recently. The main issue is that I've had difficulty choosing my artwork. I wanted to go for an old-school Street Fighter 2 arcade cabinet look, but I'd been having difficulty finding the resource images. Then, whilst over at the awesome Omega Level, I had a brainwave: I have to dedicate my arcade stick to none other than Cumshot Legend: Mr. Peter North.

Here is a mock-up of my design, I hope you all like it. Feedback would, as always, be much appreciated.

Final Fantasy XIII: 12 hours in.

2010-03-14T12:41:00.009Z

**spoiler-free**

Chances are that if you've already read something on FFXIII, then you've already heard it's 'linearity issues' discussed in one way or another. So far, I have seen nothing to dispute any of these claims. I have essentially been following a straight line for the entirety of my playthrough with barely even a hint of an unbeaten path or exploration in any form. The linearity is an inescapable fact, but the focus should be on what intersperses the path-following - some fantastic battles and drop-dead gorgeous cut-scenes.

As always, Square Enix doesn't disappoint in terms of presentation, boasting flawless, endearing and memorable character design, each sporting disticntive images and personalities. Sazh has a baby Chocobo living in his hair, Lightning is a smouldering badass, Vanille looks at me like she wants/needs me, Snow is essentially Ken Masters, but nonetheless endearing, Fang is just sort of there with her attitude being completely overshadowed by Lightning and then........there's Hope.

Ah, Hope. What an unbearable little shit this kid is. Always whining and moaning and trying to grow up , like he's trying to force an erection out. I swear he's going to end up bursting a blood vessel before the credits roll. I wish pain upon this little turd, he is a complete waste of Phoenix Down. Speaking of which, it is now referred to as a 'tuft of phoenix down'. Which brought me to the stark realisation that that shit was stolen off a real phoenix! do you know how rare that must be!? And I've been wasting them on that little turd when I should be selling that shit on the black market to crazy billionaires like Charles Widmore.

Back on topic now. The characters look gorgeous and I would probably do it with each and every one of them (except Hope) if I were some sort of lawnmower man virtual reality bisexual. They are wonderfully complimented by superb animations -particularly the faces; the lip-syncing is beautifully done and gives the characters a weight and believability which is integral to their personalities.

The game's other two main strengths are it's incredible soundtrack and unique battle system. With the latter being, again, something of a topic for debate.

At times, you could be convinced that FFXIII was being played on some sort of auto-pilot as you stare drooling at the lush visuals. In reality, it is a refined and streamlined version of traditional RPG battling. Rather than leaving it to you to figure out the best roles for your characters and having you chop and change accordingly, it organises varieties of roles into what are called 'paradigms'. In each paradigm, the characters on your team fulfill a different role. For example, one configuration will provide you with a medic, an attacker and another that casts supporting magic. You can opt for balance, or all-out attack but you will soon find that the best approach is switching between paradigms according to the direction of the fight- learning to go all-out or take a step back whenever necessary. Attacks and spells are doled out by the single character you control, based on your knowledge of the enemy. You can select specific actions, but the better option is to study your opponent and let the auto system do the work as it will always select the best course of action if you have enough info on your enemy.

Whilst it may sound all to easy, the new battle system is simply just shifting your focus, forcing you to be more considered, plan ahead and do your research. Rather than sacrificing depth wholesale, it simply trades some of it for a faster paced, more contemporary battle system that is better suited to a generation that is being raised on dull, uninvolving shooters that take a mere 7 hours to complete. Face it, our attention span is fucked. We brought this upon ourselves.

The soundtrack hasn't displayed a hint of Leona Lewis yet, but for all you haterz, just remember that it is going to be right there at the end to reward you for all your hard work. Otherwise, the OST is incredible: massively varied, memorable and appropriate. It runs the gamut of genres and has already embedded a few melodies in my brain. They aren't going anywhere and I will gladly whistle them upon request.

As linear as it makes it, the pacing and direction of my first 12 hours or so have been wholly appropriate. Your characters are on the run - the last thing they should be doing is dicking around looking for Chocobos to ride when there are bad motherfuckers with gunships and gatling guns after them, I know I'd be running. I retain a fair amount of good faith in the game, hoping that the pace will shift in order to keep my interest. If it were to continue like this for the estimated 45 hours playtime, I may have to kill someone.

Keeping the hope of change in my mind and getting to watch the characters mature and develop before me is holding my interest this far. Even that unbearable little shit Hope is starting to wise up and if that's not enough, there's always the promise of more boner-inducing Advent Children-esque cinematics to come.

There will undoubtedly be more to say about FFXIII further down the line and I won't hesitate in forcing my opinion on you all once again when I've played some more. For now, keep reading and share your thoughts on it in the comments. If you haven't played it yet - why the hell not!? Financial excuses are permitted.

....And Justice For All

2010-03-13T16:41:00.002Z

If you've ever played any game online and handled yourself pretty well there's a fair chance you've made some prick get mad and quit in an effort to take away your win. Street Fighter 4 is about the best example of this 'Rage Quitting' with sore losers quitting mid-match or just before the end in order to not give you the win.

Nowadays, anyone who plays SF4 online with have a disconnect percentage rating, but people still manage to slip through. Justice is served to such pricks in the form of Rage-Quitters.com
a website that names and shames quitters with screengrabs submitted by the cheated and disenfranchised. I wish I'd heard about this sooner. If it happens to you in future, make sure to submit and when you first visit, search for your gamertag. Only then can you understand the relief I felt at not being on there. Thank Christ.

FFXIII is out, apparently.

2010-03-11T11:29:00.001Z

Seems everyone is playing Final Fantasy at the moment and I'm no different. I was actually a little scared when I finally got the disc into the drive on Tuesday night, if the scaremongering was anything to go by I was in for 70 miserable hours. My fears soon evaporated though as soon as I saw how beautiful everything looked. I'll forgive pretty much anything as long as I'm enjoying looking at it- that goes for games, women, movies, you name it, and that's why the early linearity isn't a big deal for me. Obviously at this stage my impressions are based on the first section of the game but I'm happy enough so far. I like the battle system even if it could use a few more options at the beginning and I like the level system even though it looks like it could have pretty limited scope.

It would appear the game is like the attractive woman at the bar, sure she's a little uncouth and and has an Aussie accent that makes your ears bleed a little but they are small flaws indeed next to her beauty. You'll still spend the whole night trying to get her drunk enough to go home with you. So far, so good.

The important part is that it feels like a FF game which is what I personally wanted to get out of it. Look at the character design and the flawless soundtrack side by side combined with the emotionally charged storyline and that's what you have.

Something, something DARK SIDE... something, something COMPLETE

2010-03-10T08:22:00.010Z

So, the Super Street Fighter IV line-up has now been completed.

Say hello to Hakan.

I've had some pictures for a while now and they made me chortle every time I looked at them, his ultra and super are amazing, particularly the across the shoulder shooting of his super and the slide to face plant of the ultra. I also love that his ultra is an anti-air move.

It is clear, at least to me, that this inclusion is a Dan for the grapplers amongst you. The pictures I have are seemingly stills from the video that Capcom have given to IGN to reveal (it could have been on us if we had as big a following) so I'll instead post the Famitsu scan so you can all try to improve your Kanji.

I don't think I have to tell you that his story will obviously have something to do with the children hanging around him and probably that barrel he picks up. Which grips me not in the least, but then who cares about the stories for any character in the Street Fighter canon?

From the video and the stills from it I can say that you should not expect him to play at all like the 'giefer. He has a Blanka style slide, a command grab that involves him dashing forward into the grab. From this we can already tell that he will not have the hit points that 'gief or Sagat do as he is a much quicker grappler, maybe more along the amount for Abel.
I have already mentioned Blanka, and I think this seems to be pretty much the starting point for him. Maybe a little quicker, but the game having been sped up and only having seen Blanka's Pikachu ultra I can't tell if they are actually the same.

It also seems that, like Dudley, Hakan has either a taunt that affects his play (makes him greasier), or its a special move that improves range on slide and dash etc. We have to wait to play him to see!

[EDIT]
Here's him in action

[/EDIT]

How do you feel that the final character is a comedy character?
However you feel, what we now have is the finalised character select screen.

Details from Nakky's (developer) blog indicate that the cursor will remember the last character chosen after being turned off, if you so wish. There seems also to be an option to turn ON that god awful theme tune from 'vanilla' Street Fighter IV. There will also be an option to set the majority of the training room options so that you don't have to keep turning off the stupid freaking stun and turn on random/auto block (can you tell this is a pet peeve?)

Now that you have got hype, the next step is to get your game ready.
Youtube user mingtongzhi has provided some excellent videos of how to get more wins. Understanding how hitting your opponent works and what moves are safe is imperative to winning, as is knowing why mashing out an ultra or dragon punch when you get up is BAD.

See you in the training room!

[EDIT]

Here are character changes as of the final retail build. As posted by Mr Wizard on SRK. He played it and was allowed to talk to the press!

Ryu - Ryu's medium and hard dragon punches hit twice now. Damage is down on it, but if you FADC, you only get one hit from it, so damage is down even farther. Trades to ultra from DP are gone, and most trades into ultra from SF4 are gone, but not all. Puts you in a floaty state, and you cant combo afterwards.

Ken - He is not looking good. They didnt give him much. He cannot FADC to Ultra2 normally. He didnt get crazy kicks from previous SF games. They slightly improved his fireball.

Chun li - She got 'infinitely better'. U2 combos easily all day. The upkicks target combo goes into U2, as well as EX legs anywhere on the screen. Its very dangerous. U2 gets all 20 hits every time, if it whiffs for a while and you get hit by the very end of it, you still take the full damage.

Guile - He seems to have been given nothing. Sonic Hurricane, his U2 is not good. Super into U2 is the only known combo into it. Down+Taunt puts on glasses, but doesnt give him any buffs or advantages.

Zangief - Very similar. He could lariat trade into U2 in earlier builds, but he cannot anymore. Rufus and tall characters can block his lariat low and punish with a crouching RH.

Rose - She can juggle off soul reflect into air throw or U1 or ex fireball. U2 is very good. Can corner juggle into orbs. Each orb can hit once before it dissipates, including on block. They do about 20% damage each on full ultra. Wiz noted that he needs to check what happens when projectiles hit them. When the orbs activate, there is a delay before you can do special moves again, including throw. They delay felt like 3-4 seconds. Orbs cross up very easy. Rose seemed powerful.

Blanka - Seemed the same, new ultra isnt that great, can get thrown out of it.

Honda - Noticed no changes, cant jump on reaction to U2.

Dhalsim - He seemed the same. U2 hit box is prttty small. Super hard to hit.

Balrog - U2 jumpable on reaction to activation. His U2 is bad, it has terrible range. Seemed too hard to land to be worth giving up U1.

Vega - Seemed the same. His Claw stays on a lot longer now, though. Ex dive off the wall doesnt go through opponent anymore.

Sagat - He does marginal less damage overall. Scar-uppercut does double damage, nothing more. If you do scar move, you cant do it again until you uppercut, but you can store the powered up state the entire round if you want. forward + RH still juggle state.

Bison - J.Strong into U2 works. Its not a charge motion so its very handy. U2 is a blockable stomp attack, and it can crossup! It hits hard, too! No known nerfs.

Rufus - Ex messiah kick is not as good, but still good. A few frames less on invincibility, and less damage. EX snake strike damage is way down. U2 doesnt seem to combo well. U2 is good anticrossup or antiair, but thats about it. Has to work for wins now

Fuerte - Fuertes normals are all faster now. U2 is extremely good.

Viper - No notable changes. She can U2 off EX seismo if you are fast. The recovery from U2 is ok. Rumors of mp thunder nerf are untrue or reversed, if its slower its only a frame or two.

Abel - He has a faster c.hk. U2 cant combo but its fast and has armor if you hold the button, it looks to be very good.

Guy - Feels slow. Has cool chain combos into super. EX spin kick is vertical. EX shoulder is his best move, super fast.

Cammy - Cannon drill 'got a little better'. Uppercut damage nerfed pretty hard. U2 is terrible. U2 can be broken by using breaker.

Fei - Changes not apparent. Counter ultra can be broken by a breaker.

Gouken - No known nerfs. U2 still blockable, but backthrow into 5 hits of it into wallbounce into more fun works.

Sakura - Her crossup j.mk is back. Very good crossup. Makes her feel more like sakura again. U2 is the best choice. Its two ultras in one, okay damage, easy to combo, can aim it up or forward. EX hurricane to ultra is simple as hell.

Dan - Dan is secretly way better now, he got what he needed. Uppercut fadc U2 is strong. His fireball goes 60% of the screen now. The rest seems untouched, but this is 'all he needed' to be a contender.

Akuma - no known nerfs. Many of the nerfs from earlier builds were reverted. Infinite is gone, but you can still combo after s.hk. Jab cannot link to HK anymore, so you cant loop it. Lv2 focus into new ultra wiffs, but works from Lv3 focus. EX airfireball into U2 works.

Gen - Only nerfs found so far, no chain combos, no mk .kick to hands at all. ex wall dive lost some invincibility.

Seth - Everything is the same, except his focus attack takes longer to hit lv2 now. Its not very good. U2 can combo anywhere you could combo stomps and does good damage.

Juri - Kara throw is good with HP. Wiz could only find a 5 hit Custom Combo in U1 mode without FADC. U1 mode is really long in duration. EX wheelkick seems nearly instant startup. Hitpoints seemed close to Ibuki's, but it was hard to tell.

T.Hawk - Hawkdive is his armor breaker. Hawk Upper cannot be FADCed at all, ever, at any point. U2 is bad, very very hard to hit. Feels slower than Zangief but stronger. His normals are very good.

Adon - He seems very weak. Both ultras are hard to use. Jaguar Tooth and Jaguar Kick are both unsafe on block. Air Jag-kick might be safe. EX jag kick is safe. Has a very good overhead though, one of the best.

Deejay - He seems decent. Nothing too bad, nothing too good. Reminds you of ST in that way.

Cody - He can only FADC tornado on first hit and the tornado wont come out. He cannot combo ultra after it. Has 3 levels of charge on his Zonk Knuckle, and its really really good and annoying. He says BINGO everytime he does it. You can combo into Zonk. HK ruffian is good.

Dudley - Not much to add to JWong's video, but he is probably #1 in the game.

Makoto - EX grab has 1 hit of armor! Outside of this, nothing to add to JWong's video.

Ibuki - Slide does not go under fireballs, air knife doesnt cancel out fireballs.

Hakan - Seems OK at first. Looks like hellboy red and is kinda fat. Has spiky hair. Has a 360 move where he puts you in his arms and sqeezes you out with oil slicked body. you fly across the screen at a 45 degree angle. He can slide along the ground face first and hit punch during for a followup (only when oiled up). Has an air grab where he belly flops. DP+K puts on more oil.
He takes out both hands and dumps oil on himself and it looks funny. He then glows white. When he has oil, he is 200% better. putting oil on takes half a second, and its duration based. EX oil lasts a long time. In non-oil mode, he is like gief. When he is in Oil Mode, he can chain everything, like c.lk x4 into mp. Moves in oil mode have more range, including 360. Front and backdash are better in oil mode too. All of his pokes have neutral and toward versions. Has a 'trap' ultra, where he lays down, and if you step on him, he grabs you. You cannot touch him at all, even if not attacking. You slip on his stomach like its ice. Then he 69s you as you slide along the ground and you fly out his buttocks.

The 2nd ultra is comedy as well. 720 motion, throws you up in the air and you board the OIL COASTER. You ride him going around his body till you are ejected into a wall at the end.

His super is double fireball with kick. Its a leaping grab thats crouchable, like Alex DDT he leaps at you.

Clearly he will not have had much time to get COMPLETELY to grips with every character and the news about Gen does not in any way surprise me. It does depress the hell outta me though. I'm still gonna lay a beat down on all you overpowered Dudley players (that's the ones that get into the training room, muscle memory the crap out of all of his chain combos and get his 1-frame links like overhead--super down -- NOT the Dudley players who just mash out his uppercut and don't know what a chain is, I will still beat them) as well as everyone else.

With this information will you be changing your character? Will you wait and play with each?
If Gen really has been nerfed (Why? Because he was SO STRONG in the IV? Did you ever try to play as him - you had to work FREAKING hard to be able to do anything with him) to the point that it becomes no fun to play him I'll end up picking someone else. These are sad times my friends, sad times.
[/EDIT]

Altered Beast was rad

2010-03-07T22:27:00.004Z

I don't really remember this bit......

Via Tiny Cartridge

Joe Danger finds his way Home

2010-03-05T14:55:00.004Z

Self-proclaimed 'stunt-em-up' Joe Danger has finally been announced as a Playstation 3 title. There are no mentions of strict exclusivity at this point, but the game is an undeniably good fit for the PS3. With Modnation Racers on the way and Sony's commitment to Littlebigplanet creators Media Molecule -Sony having just bought them and making them a first-party developer- the PS3 is on it's way to becoming the creative gamer's console of choice.

Personally, this is very good for me. As XBOX seem to focus more and more on shooters and adding teh jetpackz to their Haloz, I'll be more than happy to sit with my 'Arthouse Console'.

Joe Danger looks almost as adorable as Littlebigplanet originally did. Creating my own stunts, making pitfalls for friends and enemies - this title has massive potential. Get this on your radar now, then you can say that you read about it in Edge 3 months ago and totally knew it was an Indie game classic in the making, allowing you to laud it up all over your poorly-informed friends. Definitely watch the trailer below.

Via Kotaku

New Platinum Games title lacks climaxing

2010-03-04T13:34:00.002Z

Some new screens of Vanquish -the next game from Shinji Mikami and Platinum Games have emerged. You may remember we covered the announcement of the announcement a little while back. We were greeted with a mostly live-action teaser. It was rad, but like all teasers, gave us fuck all to be going on with.

These screens don't really give us anything more, but I have managed to gleam a few info nuggets from them.

1. That armour looks rad
2. It looks like a super-charged arcadey cover shooter
3. Falcon punch!

As cool as it looks, I can't help but be a little apprehensive about the disturbing lack of climaxing in these shots. Platinum Games have set a precedent of climax-filled action now, and I'm hungry for more. I feel that me and Bayonetta have now climaxed over enough angels together. Is Platinum not willing to further my climax quest? There are still so many baddies that crave to be climaxed upon: Platinum, do not blue-ball me.

More/full size here

Via Kotaku

Valve 'announces' Half-Life2:Episode 3 [EDIT: MAYBE]

2010-03-02T21:01:00.008Z

Being the typical Valve fanboy that I am I applied my steam updates and noticed that Portal had been given a fair number of new sound files. Wondering what the hell they were I went to the steampowered forums to see what it was all about.

Some folks also curious about the new sound files played them and to their surprise through the terrible static they felt they could hear Barney and Dr. Kleiner! There was also a non-GlaDos computer voice.

In an even more sneaky turn of events Valve had embedded images in the audio containers. When unscrambled these images gave a telephone number. This, another turn of genius, turned out to not be any old switch board. It was a data line. Those that had the old BBS software of course dialled in.
What they got no doubt surprised them again.

It was a GlaDos login prompt!

Its clear, at least to me, that in the Half-Life canon the missing Aperture Science ship is the one that is home to the whole game of Portal. I hope, nay - pray, that Gordon Freeman gets hold of the portal modification for his gravgun. I would wet myself with glee.

I've been pretty excited for this game since I finished episode 2 all that time ago. I'm a pretty patient man and upon finding out that Valve delayed it further so that they could make the game accessible for the hearing imparied - through the storyline that Alyx Vance had a deaf lover so had to learn to sign - I had yet more patience. However, my hype gland is in trouble of causing a myocardial infarction [that's a heart attack for those who don't watch House (although they'd think it was lupus first), ER, etc.]. I want to spend some more quality time with the bearded wonder. I want to mourn the loss of the end of Episode 2, I want to feel the pain as Gordon. Nobody could do this but Valve.

I want all of this and I want it now.

Capcom - pay attention. THIS is how you should do hype. Not by announcing a game, having the 'secret character list' leaked, pretending they aren't actually in it, then showing us one/two chars per month. Screw you - the Steam community jumped on this and within half day cracked it - working together like this provides an added layer of excitement and fun that isn't making money, just creating more hype.

I <3 u Gabe, once again I tip my hat at thee. You are an inspiration to us all.

[EDIT]:

Valve have changed the ending for portal!!!!!!!!!

SPOILERS WARNING: If you've not completed it don't hit play.

Does this mean we are to be recycled into a companion cube? Does the companion cube live and is it what's dragging us away? The asset in the game's files is actually a radio but has the settings of being roughly person sized, could it be combine? Is Half-Life 2 Episode 3 actually also Portal II? So many questions. So much awesome.

[/EDIT]

'Heavy Rain' to face legal trouble

2010-03-01T13:30:00.004Z

Heavy Rain studio Quantic Dream has been faced with legal trouble today due to an unforeseen copyright breach. It seems that the game shares it's name with a niche pornographic film that focuses on the toilet-time antics of heavy-set ladies, or BBW's, to use the industry term.

Infamous BBW/Watersports director Sean 'Bojack' Evans - the auteur behind the original Heavy Rain - was flattered when he thought his movie was garnering mainstream attention. "I kept hearing all this stuff about Heavy Rain on twitter and on the TV. Usually my movies don't get mentioned outside of the porn community, so I was instantly curious, but honoured all the same."

On further investigation, Mr. Evans discovered that it was not his movie being discussed, but in fact, a videogame baring the same name. "I thought I'd give it a try, just to see if there were any more similarities and it turns out there's loads!" Mr. Evans claims that the four interwoven narratives and themes of isolation, depression, redemption and liquid were all initially included in his movie. "This French fella is definitely ripping me off....there's even a few fatties in it, he's barely even covered his tracks!"

Mr. Evans is now pursuing legal action to have a cease and desist order placed upon the distribution of Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain whilst a plagiarism case is formed. Stay tuned for further updates on this story.

Greed Corp Review

2010-02-26T19:28:00.015Z

Beginning with what seems like a fairly cluttered tutorial display and a smattering of unfamiliar units, Greed Corp can seem daunting to even the most hardened strategist. Love it or hate it, this is something of a theme with the game - seeking to challenge you and keep you working hard at every available opportunity. This will put many off at first, but a little patience reveals it's apparent difficulty to also be one of it's strongest features; refusing to spoon-feed you and allowing you to progressively learn through failure.

The well considered and detailed art design effectively deceived me into thinking this game would be a simple affair. The steampunk-esque character and mechanical design is noteworthy for it's ability to flesh-out the wider narrative as well as being wonderfully reminiscent of both Hayao Miyazaki's Nausicaa and the classic Advance Wars titles. These design sensibilities tie Greed Corp to the Mistbound universe - the setting for a whole series a of planned titles from W! Games that will span genres whilst retaining the common settings, factions and characters. It is precisely this element that makes Greed Corp such a fascinating game, as it's key mechanics provide insight into the universe-at-large, providing the perfect starting point from which Mistbound can be built.

After only a few minutes of play it becomes clear that your success within Greed Corp relies upon your ability to maintain balance between protecting your own resources and destroying those belonging to your enemies. As you harvest the land, so it eventually falls away and disappears into the mist, taking any units or structures along with it. The board - handily divided into hexagonal portions- must be tenuously controlled at all times, being careful not to mine so much that you dig yourself into oblivion. Finding and maintaining this balance makes for a far more considered, yet dynamic strategy game than, say, the equally charming, but altogether simpler, Commanders: Attack of The Genos.

The mechanics hide a subtle, yet poignant commentary on the futility of war - as factions constantly duke it out only to find they have expelled untold amounts of lives and resources in the process and the victor is left with little more than a crumbling, empty tile to deem as their turf. The game's potential and poignancy opens up even further when participating in multi-faction wars and simply surviving starts to become a viable tactic. It's not a sure win - you never can predict when the AI, or your friends for that matter, will form a coalition to try and wipe your army-cum-hippie commune off the planet- but focusing on self preservation can greatly assist a victory and you get to watch on, grinning as your foolish enemies starve themselves in a race to the top.

At it's heart, Greed Corp is a considered and thoughtful strategy game that has a pacing and structure that sits it comfortably next to tabletop style affairs such as Carcassonne and Catan as opposed to the balls-out real time titles such as Command and Conquer. The game is characterised by a focus on careful placement and considered execution and reminds me of just why it is that I love turn-based strategy. Intensely difficult, but massively rewarding, Greed Corp has me suitably hooked on the Mistbound universe. If you too are intrigued, check out the Mistbound Website and stay tuned for the next installment - a top-down shooter that will hopefully be more Porco Rosso than Ikaruga.

Greed Corp is available now on both PSN and XBOX Live Arcade and will available on Steam in around 6 to 8 weeks.

Not such a slow news day

2010-02-25T19:23:00.006Z

At least in the world of Street Fighter. Yes, I know, there's lots of hype for Super. Yes, I realise that I post a lot about it. But this is some news that's not just hype.

CapcomEuro tweeted the European pre-order bonus.

What do I want? I want a Kato outfit. For real, not for Fei Long.

Capcom have also detailed their UK business plan for the release of SSF4, and it includes a reason to actually go and see Iron Man 2. There will be a trailer for Super! Hopefully it will be as good as the Mass Effect 2 one which came before Avatar. There will be 30-second television adverts in 'programs which appeal to the fanbase' [which means I'll never see it because I don't watch E4].

Link lolz

2010-02-25T18:16:00.004Z

Link lolz. Lolz that involve Link. You know, that Zelda kid?

Kudos to Nafunk on the vids. I probably nicked the comic from Gamovr. It was a long time ago, I forget. ......slow news day.

Yakuza 3 demo impressions

2010-02-23T19:30:00.004Z

Like any kid who ploughed hours into decking sailors as Ryo Hazuki, the dream of a brand-new Shenmue game is always in the back of my mind. Whilst Sega keep cock-teasing the prospect of finding more sailors and actually getting to smack the shit out of Lan Di, they are more than happy to provide us with another Yakuza game. Quite how this franchise is more bankable than Shenmue is beyond me, seeing as they share almost identical elements, but the Yakuza series has so far reached 5 iterations in Japan and shows no signs of stopping.

The only reason that I am remotely interested in Yakuza 3 is due to it's similarities with Shenmue and this, you see, is the problem. My longing for another Shenmue game clouds my judgement to the extent that I am willing to settle for what is essentially, a poor man's GTA, sans the auto and plus some virtua fighting. I may be judging a mere demo a little too harshly, but it's like I've had some sort of awakening. Imagine if Zach Morris settled for Jessie Spanno. Sure, they get on, they've known eachother long enough and she's far from ugly, I mean we all saw Showgirls, right? But Zach is meant to nail Kelly Kapowski goddammit! And I want my slice of all-American pussy! Never settle for second best.

Simply put, Yakuza 3 lacks the heart of the Shenmue games. This is easily attributed to the lack of involvement from Shenmue creator Yu Suzuki, now in a somewhat diminished capacity at Sega. It breaks my heart to know that a genius such as Suzuki is now relegated to throw-away arcade-only titles, whilst twats like Peter Molyneux are given free reign to make nonce simulators and faggy cockney zelda knock-offs.

Yakuza 3 is a seemingly linear affair, albeit one with many amusing distractions. Whilst Shenmue itself always received attention for it's wonderful distractions -toy collecting, arcade games and forklift driving- it was the simple things that made it the unique experience that I still hold dear. Worrying about upsetting Ine-san by coming home late, finding clues around your family home, taking in the beautiful scenery or feeling like you'd done a day's hard work, rewarding yourself with an hour at the arcade. These were the elements that made Shenmue such an incredible game. It was a game full of more than just distractions - they were elements of a life that you chose to lead. Maybe it's asking a lot of Yakuza 3 to match it but until it does, my money will be remaining firmly in pocket and my memories will be remaining with Hazuki-san.

A force like no other

2010-02-20T19:15:00.002Z

I knew I was doing this for a reason!
Best part is, for those that have met me, it does actually look a fair bit like me...
whether that is actually the best part or quite worrying is up to you. I am, however, an eternal optimist.

For more awesome comics head on over to Urf

For all my Resi 5 heads...

2010-02-19T19:50:00.006Z

Here's how to unlock the 'Classic' camera in the new DLC - Lost in Nightmares:

" Talk to the front door a couple of times until it says "?" instead of investigate. "

Via Kotaku

Usually I would have Tweeted this, but I know those who I'm putting this up for don't have Twitter. So here's how to pay me back - get on motherfucking Twitter and follow us! What, you're too cool? Oh, but you have Facebook? Because you're so fucking interesting that people want to look at pictures of your ugly ass, but you're above Twitter somehow? You make me sick.

Nah, I love you really. Follow us on Twitter now. Thanks.

Oh, and here's a link to our Twitter

Super Street What?

2010-02-18T14:49:00.005Z

Smack the Pony's ladies saw the future. That future was Girlie Fighter 3.

Also, racing:

Sally Phillips has the cheekiest grin ever. Win.

Yes, I have a Street Fighter boner. Wannafightaboutit?

2010-02-17T12:35:00.005Z

Okay, so as many of you may know the new copy of Famitsu has been released and confirms the inclusion of the Third Strike characters Makoto, Dudley and Ibuki (they're awesomeness is in descending order).

So here are some pics I've been sitting on and slept too late to be able to get up before some of the others (I did promise).

So far so awesome, Dudders looks cool as all hell and Makoto (other than the weird shape on the red top) will no doubt become the bain of many of your existences when I pick her up as a secondary character.

Ibuki never ever appealed to me, but hopefully some of you can give her a go and thrash me with her until I respect her. Dudley clearly can't be searching for Gill to get his car back, so this time his story is that he is searching for a rose, which I think fits him perfectly and doesn't make the English look in any way fey.

Do any of you plan on picking up any of these new characters?

I'm a flowchart Gen 4 lyfe but will be dabbling with Makoto and Adon (take that you Fagat users). However, with Gen able to ultimate spider you until you die I'll play the others as request.

I also have something special to do with what will be the next announcement from Capcom that I promise will make it to you first. Finally here is a bonus boner for The Faux Bot

"The perfect fit"

2010-02-17T11:33:00.003Z

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that this video was created overnight just for my amusement. If you listened to yesterday's podcast you would have heard The Prof and therightbullets raging hard about Leona Lewis' inclusion in the Final Fantasy XIII marketing. They almost popped blood vessels over her song 'destroying' an otherwise awesome trailer. What will they make of her face, words and body getting all up close with the game? She's even gotten to play the game before either of those guys! To be fair though I bet she's always sitting around playing JRPG's, I heard she's well into Demon's Souls too.

The Split-Screen Podcast: Episode 6

2010-02-16T20:38:00.003Z

Today I had a headache and very little food. We all swore quite a bit and got angry. This is also the longest podcast we've ever done..... I think. This one isn't for the feint-hearted. For the brave among you, please join us as we tackle the terrors of DLC, sentimentality and rebellious Ice Cream Vans. You've been warned.

DOWNLOAD

STREAM

ZANGIEF!

2010-02-16T17:56:00.001Z

ZANGIEF!!!